Tag Archives: lunch

The Real Difference Between Young and Old

As every minute passes, we all grow older.  But people say that you’re only as old as you feel.  So what is the real difference between young and old?  It’s not the years.  It’s how you look at life:

– When he’s young, a man can’t wait to grow a beard… but when he gets old, the same man just hates to shave every day.

– When she’s young, a girl loves to fix meals… but when she becomes an old married lady, the thing she hates the most is fixing breakfast, lunch, and dinner for her family every day.

– When he’s young, a man enjoys watching girls… but when he gets old, the same man prefers watching the market.

– When she’s young, a girl loves to make herself look older by putting a gray streak in her hair… but when she gets old and finds a real gray streak in her hair, she cries her eyes out.

Joke #12589

PHILOSOPHY STUDENT: “I just had lunch an hour ago.”

PHILOSOPHY PROFESSOR: “You mean you ‘think’ you just had lunch.”

PHILOSOPHY STUDENT: “No, I’m sure.  I ate six stuffed peppers.”

PHILOSOPHY PROFESSOR: “That’s still no proof.  You could think you ate six stuffed peppers.  It could all be in your mind.”

PHILOSOPHY STUDENT: “That’s impossible, Professor.  I know I had lunch because I have indigestion, and it’s in my stomach not my mind.”

The Mammoths In the Ocean

Once upon a time, there lived a magnificent civilization under the sea.  While you might be thinking it is a society of merpeople or single fish, you are wrong.  This society was created by mammoths. Mammoths wearing scuba gear.

Everyday they would refill their oxygen tanks at the Oxygen Station.  They would comb their hair and eat pop-tarts for lunch, dinner, and sometimes breakfast.  They would eat water for breakfast.

So, anyway, humans evolved and started shitting on the ocean and dumping their Twinkie wrappers in the middle of the Pacific like assholes.

This soon created a Trash Island that became as big as the Pacific itself.  Eventually, the Insectoid Empire declared the Trash Island as their sovereignty and announced war against the humans.  After a long, arduous game of Monopoly, the humans lost and agreed to fly to the moon and remake their society there since no one gives a shit about that place.

The Insectoid Empire enjoyed a long and prosperous reign on land but they wanted more.  The Ocean Mammoth embassy on the Trash Island gave the Insectoid Empire an idea.  Why not take over the Ocean Mammoth civilization?

A surgical strike at the mammoth’s Oxygen Stations sealed the deal and soon enough the streets of the Ocean Mammoth civilization were filled with drowned mammoths.  Eventually large schools of barracudas and piranhas came and ate all of them and destroyed all of their inventions, losing all of their technology forever.

The Insectoid Empire relished this victory and soon became an imperialistic power taking over one planet after the next.  They were parasites after all.

Moral of the story:  Foreign dependence is bad.