A Friend Lost…

I felt like I was being torn in two different directions. The decision would affect today, tomorrow and even next week. I wiped sweat off my forehead, trying to think while my parents urged me to make the decision quickly. They kept reminding me how they didn’t have all day, and it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure this out. I kept telling them that I needed time to think, this was a big decision. A thousand thoughts rushed through my brain, my life flashing before me. Sweat poured down my face like Niagara Falls, each sweat drop hitting the floor with a small inaudible splash sound. My parents eyes were staring into me, awaiting a response. My parents urged me to continue, to choose what had to be chosen. Time was running out, they reminded me. I put my head into my hands, as if my head was falling loose and I could only hold it up. My dad made a loud ahem as I stared up from my dark hands to meet him eye to eye. My dad then said: “Look son, it’s either the white socks, or the gray socks…just make a decision!” Ugh, I thought, it’s just like my dad to make a complicated situation seem so simple. I looked at my choices of socks, thinking each had it’s own benefits and it’s own problems. The white socks stain easily but yet attract attention. While the gray socks, they don’t stain easily but could stain your popularity. I mean being popular was important when your in 5th grade. My dad, tapping his watch to grab my attention, sighed loudly as saying: “Hurry up.” My mom, sticking the choices of socks in front of my face to choose just made things worse. I saw a piece of red lint on the white socks. The horror, Imagine what that would do to my popularity! It would leave a red streak on my life. My hands trembled at the sight. I decided to try the gray sock on. Just then, the unexpected happened. My toenail ripped through the sock! My eyes bulged, I was struck with terror. I couldn’t move a limb. I looked down seeing my oversized toenail ripped through the beautiful grayness. I yelled out: “NooooooooooOOOOooo!” I put my head in my hands remembering the times I had with the gray sock. Oh what fun we use to have, playing in the dirt outside and so on. I met my first shoe with this sock. My mom said: “Oh dear” and took the sock off. I opened my eyes to the sight of her putting on the white sock. I stayed quiet, letting her adjust the sock so it wouldn’t be ripped through by my Godzilla toenails. She slipped on the other one on, taking the red piece of lint off. She slid my shoes on as she grabbed my backpack and handed it to me. I took it with no enthusiasm as I kept my head down. I lost an important friend that day.

 

Joke #5260: Do the Screw

It’s the spring of 1957 and Bobby, a pretty hip guy with his own car, goes to pick up his date. When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in. “Carrie’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?” he says.

 

“That’s cool,” says Bobby. Carrie’s father asks Bobby what they’re planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.

 

Carrie’s father responds, “Why don’t you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it.”

 

Naturally, this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby, so he asks Carrie’s dad to repeat it.

 

“Oh yeah,” says Carries father, “our Carrie really loves to screw. She’d screw all night if we’d let her!”

 

Well, this makes Bobby’s eyes light up, and his plan for the evening is beginning to look pretty good.

 

A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she’s ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.

 

About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father: “DARN IT, DADDY! IT’S CALLED THE TWIST!!!”