Quote #21037

“YOU WILL RECEIVE A FULL $1.00 FOR EACH AND EVERY PAMPHLET THAT YOU PROCESS! What do we mean by process? It’s simple…

FIRST: You will neatly fold the provided pre-printed single-sided (8 1/2 by 11 inch) pamphlets into thirds [The pamphlet that you will be processing will be provided to you and will be printed on regular 20 lb. (8-1/2 by 11) inch paper].

SECOND: You will neatly insert the folded pamphlets into the provided pre-addressed, postage paid envelopes [These envelopes will be mailed directly to your home or apartment with customers’ names & addresses already printed on the envelopes along with postage already affixed to the envelopes].

THIRD: Lick and seal these envelopes and then drop them back into the regular US Mail, directly out to the customers.

It’s that simple!”

– from a spam e-mail

 

Joke #18596

When I was young I dreamed of being a test pilot. Flying higher, faster, farther. Risking my life for the science of aviation. But when I grew up I found out I wasn’t qualified because of my poor eyesight. Now I work in a post office which gives me many of the same thrills.

I’m always pushing the envelope!

 

Confidence Is…

What is confidence, you want to know?  Well…confidence is:

– Going to the race track for the first time in your life and betting every penny you have on a 50 to 1 shot.

– Walking through Central Park at night and carrying your life savings in your wallet.

– Spending all your savings on a huge luxury car because you’re the gas shortage won’t last.

– Telling a mugger armed with a gun that you won’t give him your money and he can’t make you.

– Mailing the only copy of a book it took you five years to write to a publisher without putting a return address on the envelope.

– Having an argument with the Heavyweight Boxing Champion of the World and daring him to lay a hand on you.