#21268: dys4iK -> sweet_thang_for_u_2002

While reading this, keep in mind that dys4iK is not Josh. Whoever he was, he’s fucked now. “dys4iK is NOT Josh, never was, and never will be.”

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: hey hey hey

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: sup josh

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: hey did u ever call tracy?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: our grad. practice is thur right?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: hey u there?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh???

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u called tracy right

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: y u ignoring me???????

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i’m ur girlfriend!!!!!!!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: talk to me

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: look

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i dont know what ur deal has been lately

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i mean come on josh

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: we were prom queen adn king and this is how u act!!!!!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: fine whatever

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ignore me

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: fine

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: see if i care

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ok what the fuck!!!!!!!!!

dys4iK: bot.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: r u gonna talk to me or not

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: bot???

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: huh?

dys4iK: I have no clue who the hell you are,

dys4iK: but this sure is interesting,.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh!!!

dys4iK: you’re josh?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what is wrong with u

dys4iK: I thought I was supposed to be josh.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what is ur deal

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: r u drunk

dys4iK: I think you should go find the right Josh.

dys4iK: I wish I was drunk…

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: whatever

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i know its u

dys4iK: haha.

dys4iK: ok.

dys4iK: how’d you find me?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u r goin to grad. tomorrow right

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ur on my list

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: duh!!!!!!!!!!

dys4iK: I’m not going anywhere tommorow night.

dys4iK: I spend my days sitting at my computer,

dys4iK: jerking off to weird porn.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: whatever

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: y r u adcting like this

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: jsoh what is wrong with u??

dys4iK: ’cause i’m in hard drugs.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u told me u never did drugs

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u said u quit

dys4iK: I lied.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: so u were lying?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what??????????

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: omg

dys4iK: in fact,

dys4iK: I could be on drugs,

dys4iK: _right now)_

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: !!!!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: y do u always pull this shit

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ur goin off to osu next year

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: and ur doin drugs

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what is ur deal

dys4iK: yep.

dys4iK: drugs and college.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: omg

dys4iK: hoo-rah.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i cant beleive that

dys4iK: yep

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: did u ever call tracy

dys4iK: I’ve gotta go fuck my sister now.

dys4iK: back in a bit.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: and explaoin to her ur stayin with me

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what!!!!!!!!!!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ur sister is only 8

dys4iK: oh, hey, right.

dys4iK: ok.

dys4iK: my cousin, then.

dys4iK: how old are my cousins?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh u know how old ur cousins are

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: dont be stupid

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: r u high?

dys4iK: I can’ help it,

dys4iK: it’s the drugs.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what is ur deal josh

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: god

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ok

dys4iK: my deal?

dys4iK: ten bucks an hour.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: we can get through this

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: jsut call me

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: did u call tracy

dys4iK: who’s tracy?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: tracy randlof

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: remember

dys4iK: sure.

dys4iK: she was a nice lay.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u were gonna tell her u wer datin me

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what!!!!!!!!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u slept with here

dys4iK: of course.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u told me u didnt

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: omg

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: (

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh i’m crying b/c of u

dys4iK: her and some other girl.

dys4iK: it was fun!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: JOSH

dys4iK: and some guy.

dys4iK: I think.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: WHAT IS WROGN WITH U

dys4iK: I can’t really remember.

dys4iK: the world was funny colours at the time.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: OH SO NOW UR GAY

dys4iK: no, not gay.

dys4iK: not yet.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: WHEN DID ALL THIS HAPPEN

dys4iK: but if you keep this up, maybe.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: DONT EVEN SAY PROM NIGHT

dys4iK: it happened tommorow!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: TOMORROW???

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what?

dys4iK: yeah.

dys4iK: tommorow.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ummmmm

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh

dys4iK: yeah?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i’m gonna come over ok

dys4iK: over to canada?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: canada??

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what are u talkin about

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u dont seem to good

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: im comin over

dys4iK: I already told you I’m not josh.

dys4iK: but you seem to believe I am,

dys4iK: so I’m playing the part.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: whatever

dys4iK: but, I can’t play it in person.

dys4iK: sorry.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i’m gonna break up with u

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: we are over

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: 9 months of nothing

dys4iK: yep.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i know its u cuz of the name

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i’m not stupid

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: god

dys4iK: yeah.

dys4iK: such a stupid name.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: well i’m on my way over

dys4iK: ok.

dys4iK: see you in a few days.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: we can have break up sex

dys4iK: hoo-rah.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: tehn i’m leaving

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ok

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: for good

dys4iK: yay.

dys4iK: you promise to never phone?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i cant beleive u slept with tracy

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ur supposed to be mad

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: and begging me to stay

dys4iK: why would I be mad?

dys4iK: oh, sorry.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: b/c i’m leaving u

dys4iK: please don’t leave me!

dys4iK: please stay!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ugh

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: whatever

dys4iK: wahhhh!

dys4iK: *cries*

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: uknow what

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: forget

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: it

dys4iK: ok!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i’m not comin over

dys4iK: gladly!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: screw u

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: dont talk to me ever again

dys4iK: you don’t want to get into the threesome?

dys4iK: hey, speaking of which,

dys4iK: I should get back to sex.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ugh

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: who is there

dys4iK: tracy.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ………….

dys4iK: ……………..!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: (

dys4iK: come on.

dys4iK: you enjoyed it too.

dys4iK: I know about you two.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what!!!!!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ummmmm

dys4iK: when you got drunk?

dys4iK: at some party.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i dont know what ur talkin about

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ……………..

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: well

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: that was a long time ago

dys4iK: there you go.

dys4iK: see?

dys4iK: it was fun.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i was drunk josh

dys4iK: deal with it.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: so what if it was

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: that was a ont time thing

dys4iK: I can’t fix all your female, hyper-inflated ego disorders.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what has gotten itno u

dys4iK: I told you!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i cant beleive this!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dys4iK: drugs.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: (

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i’m tellin ur parents

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u need help

dys4iK: when I figure out who you are…

dys4iK: haha.

dys4iK: ok.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: who I am!!!!

dys4iK: except, my mom is shooting up in the bathroom,

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: wat do u mean by that

dys4iK: and dad is drunk with some other woman.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ummm, she is at my house

dys4iK: she is?

dys4iK: since when?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: and ur dad and my dad are out of town on a business trip

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: so what are u talkin about

dys4iK: hey, whoa.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: she has been here all da

dys4iK: our dads are fucking?

dys4iK: when did that start?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: whatever

dys4iK: that’s pretty crazy.

dys4iK: think they’d let us join in?

dys4iK: with tracy, too?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ???????????

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u sick bastard

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: god

dys4iK: haha.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u r soooooooooooooo immature

dys4iK: I’m immature?

dys4iK: yes, I suppose I am.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i cant beleive i wasted 9 months with u

dys4iK: neither can I.

dys4iK: you fell for me like a brick in water.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dys4iK: that was funny.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: X-(

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: no u fell for me

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u begged me to get with u

dys4iK: haha.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i turned u down 3 times

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: remember

dys4iK: yeah. tracy told me to keep asking, though.

dys4iK: she thought if I got you to go out with me,

dys4iK: we could have a threesome.

dys4iK: or something.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: lol

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: whatever

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u wisj

dys4iK: pretty clever, eh?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u know now that i think about it

dys4iK: wasn’t my idea.

dys4iK: she was the one who wanted you.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i only liked u b/c of ur car

dys4iK: I have a car?

dys4iK: cool!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ummmm yeah

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ur spider eclipse

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: duh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: thas y i dated u

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: not cuz of the looks

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: although u do look godd

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: good

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ur nothin w/o me

dys4iK: hey, yeah?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: and u know it

dys4iK: what are you, then?

dys4iK: cheesecake!

dys4iK: haha!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: huh?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: cheescake?

dys4iK: yeah.

dys4iK: you’re a cheesecake.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: how?

dys4iK: now that everyone’s seen pictures of you naked.

dys4iK: heh heh.

dys4iK: but hey, you made some lonely geeks happy for a night.,

dys4iK: =)

dys4iK: it was kind of you.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: keep what going

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: our relationship

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: yeah right

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: dream on

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: we’re over

dys4iK: hey, you’re back.

dys4iK: hi again!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: y r u makin a joke out of this???????

dys4iK: because i have no idea who you are!

dys4iK: but this sure is fun.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: prove it to me that ur not josh

dys4iK: how about you prove that I _am_ josh!

dys4iK: =)

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ok

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what was our prom theme

dys4iK: uh.

dys4iK: underwater?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: omg

dys4iK: or that may have been the drugs. =D

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i told u ur josh

dys4iK: oh, right.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what do i look like

dys4iK: yeah.

dys4iK: uh.

dys4iK: fat, ugly.

dys4iK: lot of acne down your back.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ummm wrong

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: wrong

dys4iK: blue hair.

dys4iK: purple eyes!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ????

dys4iK: you have this weird bump on your back,

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: am i a cheerelader

dys4iK: but noone will tell you.

dys4iK: a cheerleader? hey, cool.

dys4iK: i dated a cheerleader!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i know

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: cuz u dated me

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: duh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dys4iK: duhh!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: lol

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: there’s teh old josh

dys4iK: whatever!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: aw

dys4iK: you’re so funny.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i knew it was u baby

dys4iK: whatever! duhhhh!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: awwww

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh lets not break up

dys4iK: you’re pretty thick, aren’t you?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: lol

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh u r the best i’ve ever had if u know what i eman

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i dont wanna loose u

dys4iK: you should smoke some crack with me tonight.

dys4iK: come over right now.

dys4iK: let’s smoke some crack.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: the way u touch me

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i dont want to loose u

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: lets not break up

dys4iK: yeah. your skin is sort of clammy, though.

dys4iK: what, with being a vampire, and all.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ??????????

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i’m not clammhy

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i use pure silk lotion from batha and body

dys4iK: Sammy the Clam!

dys4iK: pure silk lotion?

dys4iK: doesn’t silk come out of the ass of worms?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ???????????????

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i dont know

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: jsoh

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i want u so bad right now

dys4iK: so finger yourself, or something.

dys4iK: I’m not sticking myself back in there.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i alreadly am

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: wahtever

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u know u want this

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i’ll wear my cheerleading outfit for you

dys4iK: ew.

dys4iK: I hate cheerleaders.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: no u dont silly

dys4iK: will you wear a strapon?

dys4iK: and fuck me in the ass?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: the way i can straddle u

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u luv it

dys4iK: hey, will you let my dog fuck you?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ummmmmmmm

dys4iK: do it!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: when did u get a dog

dys4iK: you can smoke crack first.

dys4iK: I’ll get a dog!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: no

dys4iK: so it can fuck you.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: NO

dys4iK: and I’ll videotape it.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i wanna video tape u and me

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i want u

dys4iK: I want me, too.

dys4iK: but I’m with tracy now!

dys4iK: sorry!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u mean u want me

dys4iK: I’m madly in love with you.

dys4iK: the drugs are fucking with my head.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: awwwwwwwww

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh

dys4iK: I don’t know what i’m doing anymore.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i love you too

dys4iK: marry me?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: awwww

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: its ok baby

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u want to marry me

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh

dys4iK: I was lying about tracy!

dys4iK: I just wanted to make you feel jealous!

dys4iK: seriously!~

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: we just grad

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: awwwww

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: really

dys4iK: no.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: awwwwww

dys4iK: i was lying again.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ?????

dys4iK: ’cause it’s funny to watch you awwwww at me.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh

dys4iK: yeah?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: do u really luv me

dys4iK: I need more drugs.

dys4iK: I love drugs.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: no jsoh no

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: no

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: u luv me

dys4iK: I love drugs!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: no josh

dys4iK: I need a dimebag of hash to go with this.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: quit sayin that

dys4iK: and I’m running low on needles.

dys4iK: gotta start reusing needles.

dys4iK: damnit!

dys4iK: fucking hell.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh

dys4iK: oh well.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: stop

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: quit

dys4iK: I’ll microwave them.

dys4iK: stop what?

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ur actin weird

dys4iK: I’m jonesing.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: huh

dys4iK: I gotta go fix myself up.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: what does that mean

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh

dys4iK: coming down.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i got my nipples pierced today

dys4iK: hey, me too!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: really!!!!!!!!!

dys4iK: no.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i did i t jes for u

dys4iK: why? you’re supposed to hate me, bitch.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: so u can play with them

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i dont hate u

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i luve u

dys4iK: you keep telling me you do!

dys4iK: stop the lying!

dys4iK: oh god, I can’t take it anymore!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: well i an forgive u

dys4iK: fucking hell!

dys4iK: I should just oD.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: nooooooooo

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: josh wait

dys4iK: it’d be fun.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i’m coming over right now

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ok

dys4iK: go for it.

dys4iK: you know where I live.

dys4iK: (I don’t.)

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ok i’ll be over in 20 min

dys4iK: ok!

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ok baby

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i

dys4iK: I’ll be waiting.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i’m coming

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i love u

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: ……………

dys4iK: …………………….

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: say it to me josh

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: please

dys4iK: I’ll go get the strapon.

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: i’m on my way over now

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: bye babe

sweet_thang_for_u_2002: c u soon

dys4iK: bye!

Session Close (sweet_thang_for_u_2002): Thu May 30 19:17:53 2002

 

The Day I Went Blind

I remeber that day well…I just came out of my english class, feeling my bodily fluids ready to burst out…I walked quickly to the bathroom, which seemed like a mile! The tile floors were white and red and tan, and I stared at them as I walked to the bathroom. Suddenly, I forgot where the bathroom was! I REALLY had to go, so i looked around, trying to find a sign that said “Boys” or “Men” or even (i was that desperate) “Girls”. I could see the bathroom sign marking: “Boys” as I jolted torward the door. I opened the door when I herd whispering and giggling. Until the door shut I herd a loud whisper say: “Shhhh here comes someone now!” and then it fell silent. I stepped into the bathroom, behind the bathroom wall until I saw it….It looked like a basketball with a big crack down the center. It had a wart on the left “cheek”. I herd someone yell: “You got MOONED”! I felt faint, my body took a 50 foot drop as I feel to the floor, with my eyes open. I couldn’t close them with out having that disgusting picture put into my vision. I winced a few times hearing the kids leaving as they went over the story over and over…I went blind…

 

26 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator

1) When there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn’t you.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you’re on.

5) Hold the doors open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After awhile, let the doors close and say, “Hi Greg. How’s your day been?”

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, “That’s mine!”

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8 ) Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

9) Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they’d like to play.

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

12) Ask, “Did you feel that?”

13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the others, “It’s okay. Don’t panic, they open up again.”

15) Swat at flies that don’t exist.

16) Tell people that you can see their aura.

17) Call out, “group hug!”, then enforce it.

18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, “Shut up, all of you, just shut up!”

19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, Got enough air in there?”

20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, “You’re one of THEM!” and back away slowly.

22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, “I have new socks on.”

26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, “This is my personal space!”

 

Joke #5199: Hell is Fun

One day, a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with a demon:

Demon: Why so glum, chum?

Guy: What do you think? I’m in hell.

Demon: Hell’s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin’ man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Demon: Well, you’re gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that’s all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequilai Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab… we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more. And if you drink yourself to death, it’s okay… you’re already dead anyway!

Guy: Gee, that sounds great.

Demon: You a smoker?

Guy: You better believe it.

Demon: Alright! You’re gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer, it’s okay… you’re already dead anyway!

Guy: No shit!

Demon: I bet you like to gamble.

Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.

Demon: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it. We even opened up a pai gow poker table.

Guy: Hmmm, I never played pai gow before…

Demon: Well now you can. You like to do drugs?

Guy: Yes, I love to do drugs. You don’t mean…

Demon: That’s right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it’s okay… you’re already dead anyway!

Guy: yeah! I never realized that hell was such a swingin’ place!

Demon: You gay?

Guy: Uh, no.

Demon: Oooh, you’re gonna hate Fridays…