Jam Jam Cam

(a stupid guy is breakdancing)

 

Stupid Guy: haha! Yeah!

 

(Stupid Guy stops, and walks over to the camera)

 

Stupid Guy: wasn’t that stupendous?

 

(Stupid Guy dances)

 

Stupid Guy: Hi, I’m Stupid Guy, and I’m here to tell you about my new invention! Jam jam Cam! Its so cool, it makes you look like you’re dancing, when you really aren’t! And it adds music to it too. Let’s look at the same thing I was doing, but with a regular camera!

 

(it goes to a reg. camera shot, and it has Stupid Guy doing jumping jacks and rolling around on the floor, and running into a wall)

 

Stupid Guy: If you do a lot worse than me, and would like to look good doing something else when you really want it, get this product. Let’s hear some testimonials!

 

Loser: I was doing the robot, but the Jam Jam Cam turned my loser Robot dance into a freak dance with a hot girl I never saw before! It was cool…

 

Woman: I was doing the funky chicken, and the Jam Jam Cam turned it into a Conga line with hot men boning me in my ass!

 

Stupid Guy: wouldn’t you like that to happen to YOU?

 

Loser: Yes, I would!

 

Woman: You can bet on it!

 

Stupid Guy: You heard from real-life customers that we payed to say something good about this product! Why not buy yours today?

 

(Stupid Guy starts dancing)

 

Stupid Guy: you may actually learn how to REALLY dance

 

(Stupid Guy is actually crawling around on the floor in a pink tutu, kicking at the air)

 

(end)

 

The Cheese Wrapper Theory

You know those Cheese Squares that come in those hard to open plastic wrappers? Those aren’t what you think they are. There actually spy cameras that have been sent here by the Canadian UnSpecial Forces and The Mexican Salsa Dancers Union. The cameras (“cheese singles”) are sold to house holds and plan to take over your fridge. You might be like: “Whoa wait a minute, MY fridge?” Yes YOUR Fridge. They plan to start a war (they are also robots) and blast everything in your fridge so it goes bad and gets all rotten and ucky and disgusting. Those lumps when your milk goes bad are the cheese’s poop. Notice how there always sold in packs and never in singles? And why are they so hard to open? It’s EASY! They just want you to throw the “cheese squares” in the fridge while they zap all your other food and make it go rotten…

 

It Would Be Really Strange If Cameras Flew

It would be really strange if cameras flew, because they do. Then people with genitalia problems would not be cured, of course. And fire hydrants would explode, just because. There is no reason for cameras to fly, they just take pictures. Pictures steal a soul. Once you die, you become a part of all the pictures that were taken of you for eternity. That is, if you’re lucky. ahahahahahahaahahahahahaha….boo! Scared ya, huh? boohoo, made you cry! Captain Underpants! That’s a good book, you should get it. mmhmm! I have 1 of the 3 that are out.

 

26 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator

1) When there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn’t you.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you’re on.

5) Hold the doors open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After awhile, let the doors close and say, “Hi Greg. How’s your day been?”

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, “That’s mine!”

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8 ) Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

9) Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they’d like to play.

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

12) Ask, “Did you feel that?”

13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the others, “It’s okay. Don’t panic, they open up again.”

15) Swat at flies that don’t exist.

16) Tell people that you can see their aura.

17) Call out, “group hug!”, then enforce it.

18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, “Shut up, all of you, just shut up!”

19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, Got enough air in there?”

20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, “You’re one of THEM!” and back away slowly.

22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, “I have new socks on.”

26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, “This is my personal space!”