Feed your mind today. Devour a novel.
Did you hear about the woman who got her head stuck in the washing machine and ended up brainwashed?
Q: What is the main drawback to eating pig brains?
A: Afterward, you always feel like wallowing around in a mudhole.
Q: How did the man with a metal pole stuck through his head feel after his brains started to ooze out on the floor?
A: He felt he was slipping.
Q: How is playing Mortal Kombat like no other sport?
A: It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you spray the brains.
Q: Why did the boy stick a hose in his friend’s ear?
A: He wanted to brainwash him.
Noodle Soup – n. the best food for your brain
Q: What do you call a blonde with a brain?
A: A golden retriever.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
Q: What do you call a zit on a blondes ass?
A: A brain tumor.
One day, a leaf named Leafy Bob fell from a tree, falling on a muffin. Suddenly, the muffin…DISAPPEARED!!
The guy who was eating the muffin got mighty mad at the leaf for eating his muffin. So, he ate the leaf. But, what the guy didn’t know, was that Leafy Bob was a magician!! Next thing the guy knew, Leafy Bob took over his body.
Leafy Bob led the body over to the local supermarket. (We can’t say the name of the company because then they’ll want royalties on the money this story will make. For the purpose of this story, it’ll just be called Shplar)
Leafy Bob entered Shplar, screaming in a rageful manner, “Where’s YOUR MUFFINS!?”
Then, the store manager, looking over to the guy, said “Oh, Mr. Wellington, you own this store, you get muffins everyday. Oh well, they’re right here.” The store manager leads him to “The AISLE OF MUFFINS…” (echo).
“Muffins!” screamed Leafy Bob. Leafy Bob ran down the aisle, like a vacuum sucking up all the muffins.
“What THE FUCK!!” the store manager yelled. The store manager never seen anyone do that, before.
A man was sitting down in The Muffin Eating Room. Leafy Bob ran in and stole it (the muffin that is). The man cried, “oh! you stole my pecan blueberry peach and rhubarb muffin! I spent like two fifty on that!” The man falls down in a fetal position and cries.
Leafy Bob then says, while eating the muffin, “Don’t cry, its a crappy muffin anyway”
Leafy Bob laughed like a maniac, and ran out the window. “Mr. Wellington is less crazy than usual, today…” whispered the store manager to a lady cashier. “Oh, yes. I doubt anyone will care if we had hot sex in a mashed potato bath and then put the mashed potatos back in the cans in the canned mashed potato aisle” whispered the lady cashier to the store manager.
“Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuufins!” screamed Leafy Bob. Leafy Bob crawled along the ground, looking for muffins. he climbed all the way up a small hill, and looking down he could see a one-of-a-kind sex park, with naked people chasing each other, and porking each other. It was an STD garden, one might say. But being a leaf as he was, Leafy Bob din’t know what the hell was happening. “Umm…muffins?” He looked at all the people, and when he looked to the left, there were two people on top of each other, rolling toward him. They were going to kill him!! Being a leaf as he was, he jumped off the hill, but being a human right now, he just fell on a giant boulder, cracking all his ribs on the left side into 15 pieces each.
“NYAAAAAAAAHHH!!” Leafy Bob screamed out in pain. Almost unconcious, he rolled down the rest of the hill, after hitting the boulder, ending up in the STD infested sand pit. And wouldn’t you know? 3 people jumped on top of him, getting it on.
Leafy Bob opened his eyes, seeing the people on top of him. He had to kill them now, for trying to kill him…if they didn’t give him muffins.
“Muffins?” Leafy Bob said, with a high voice, because they were on top of him.
“Oh yeah, I got a muffin right here baby…” one of them said with a stupid sounding oice, as they started French kissing Leafy Bob, one in the mouth, and the other two in the ears.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!” Leafy Bob screamed like a silly little girl. He wanted out.
Fortunately, when he screamed, the three people that were on top of him’s ear drums shattered and their brains started gushing out, instantly draining their bodies of all their blood, and brains, killing them.
Leafy Bob got up and ran away. There were no muffins here.
Leafy Bob was in pain, lots of it. He had enough pain to fill buckets and sell them! Which he was, for muffins. There was a big sign that said: “Buckets of Pain, only one muffin.” Unfortunately for Leafy Bob, people didn’t use muffins as currency, so Leafy Bob went to a friendly neighborhood on a street called Muffin Road. There must be muffins there since it was named Muffin Road.
Well, he found muffins. He ate them.
Q: What’s the difference between two idiots telling baby jokes and a lobotomy patient?
A: At least the lobotomy patient has half a brain!
Q: Why couldn’t the skeleton add 1 + 1?
A: Because it didn’t have a brain
Q: What do you call a blonde with one brain cell?
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
woman – n. a stupid piece of shit that’s only good for sex, and some aren’t even good for that
;} a lying, evil creature with no brain or soul, created in Hell to make men suffer
;} somebody that will lie to you, break your heart, and ruin the way you think about all other women
;} God’s first mistake
;} something God made to be a sex toy for men, since God didn’t give women any brains
;} women are not only stupid, they’re liars too.
Ex. Sharon Turner is a woman.