Joke #18734

While I was serving as a chief master sergeant at Barksdale Air Force Base in Bossier City, La., my son and namesake was also serving there.

His two month old son, whose name was the same as ours, was receiving medical treatments at the base hospital.

I went on sick call one morning, and as the doctor reviewed my file, he looked at me in disbelief. “Are you Curtis E. Chaffin?” he asked. When I answered yes, he told me, “It says here that you turn blue when you cry.”

 

Joke #18677

A Marine Captain stationed in Okinawa, Japan, breaking silence, I was accompanying the assistant commandant on his inspection of the troops.

To break the silence, the general would ask some of the Marines standing at attention which outfit they were serving with. Ramrod straight, each would respond, “Marine Air Group 36, sir,” or “Second Marine Division, General.” But near the end of the inspection, when the general asked a young private, “Which outfit are you in?”

The Marine replied, “Dress blues, sir, with medals!”

 

Things NOT to Say When Hanging the Christmas Lights

Did you know that hanging lights on a Christmas tree is one of the three most stressful situations in an on-going relationship? (The other two danger zones are teaching your mate to drive and wallpapering. Don’t EVEN think of going there!) So I now present for you….

*Things NOT To Say When Hanging The Christmas Lights*

– “You’ve got two red lights right next to each other.  You’re supposed to go yellow, green, red, blue, not yellow, red, red, green, blue…”

– “Up a little higher. You can reach it. Go on, try.”

– “What on earth do you do to these lights when you put them away every year? Tie them in knots?”

– “Come away from that aluminum ladder, kids. I’m going to fry that sucker.”

– “If you’re not going to do it right, don’t do it at all.  Don’t just throw them on, like you do the icicles. You’re worse than your father.”

– “Give me that!!”

– “You’ve got the whole thing on the tree upside-down. The electric pluggee thing should be down here at the bottom, not up at the top.”

– “I don’t care if you have found another two strings, I’m done!”

– “You’ve just wound ’em around and around – I thought we agreed it shouldn’t look like a spiral this year?”

– “Have you been drinking?!!?”

– “Okaaay! Looks like we’re *finally* done here now. Not too shabby huh? Hey….wait a minute, where’s the cat?”