ilomom – n. a gun permit for someone who is blind
I wrote this in 7th grade.
If I had only three days of sight left on the first I would want to start learning Braille (Braille would be in place of school), at least I would be 3 days closer to learning how to read Braille. After that I would play video games and computer games for an hour. Then I will look at my family and try to remember what their faces look like then I would go to bed.
On the second day I would get up at 5:00 AM and play video games and computer games until it was time for me to learn Braille for six hours then I would go outside and look at the trees, the sky, the cloud, the little dog running up to me like it was attacking me then I would go inside and play video games and computer games for two hours then I would look at my family’s faces then I would stay up all night and watch TV.
On the third day I will watch TV, play video games, and computer games until it was time to learn Braille then after that I would look at my house from the outside, then I would look at my family’s faces then go to bed and hope sometime during my life we will have the technology to have eye transplants.
Q: How do you blind an Asian?
A: You put a windshield in front of him.
A young man was walking past a blind woman using a cane on a street corner downtown, when she said, “Excuse me, but if it’s
not too much trouble, can you see me across the street?”
Our good Samaritan replied, “Just a minute.” He walked across the street, looked back and yelled, “Yes, I can see you fine!”
Anxious to ‘include’ as many minorities, religions and disabilities as possible, the human resources department of the University of Alberta has put up a Braille poster outside its main office. The poster has been placed inside a display case with a glass front.
This is brought to you by the same geniuses who put braille instructions on the drive up window at the bank.
– Mr. Shaft-Man
JOE: “I don’t expect too much from a girl. I just want a girl who’ll walk up to me, look me in the eye and love what she sees.”
MOE: “You don’t want a girl. You want a blind midget.”
Q: When does a major league umpire usually retire?
A: When his seeing-eye dog dies.
An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.
He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull!” Buddy didn’t move.
Then the farmer hollered, “Pull, Buster, pull!” Buddy didn’t respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, “Pull, Coco, pull!” Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, “Pull, Buddy, pull!” And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
The farmer said, “Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try!”