Quote #21137

This entry is part 16 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

::davepoobond rings up a Scantron for a girl.  It comes out to 27 cents and she dumps her crap on the counter, digging through her huge purse trying to get change.::

Girl (in a seemingly joking manner): “Sorry, I’m so disorganized”

davepoobond: “Oh, it’s okay.  I charge five dollars for overnight parking.”

Girl (really angry all of a sudden): “I’M NOT GOING TO BE HERE THAT LONG!”

::Girl pays for her Scantron and leaves::

– at davepoobond’s job


Quote #22149

This entry is part 17 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

::davepoobond is at the register and is doing something with a void slip (a piece of paperwork saying why a transaction was canceled).  It was fairly important.::

Female Customer: Can I pay for this here?

::A male customer walks up next to her::

davepoobond: Ummmm… sureeeeeee, but I’m doing something right now.

::davepoobond sidesteps to the other end of Customer Service as Maria Sweden steps over to the register.  She proceeds to smack davepoobond on the shoulder for not ringing up the girl::


::davepoobond just shrugs and resumes to try to look busy doing the void slip::


Maria Sweden: Did you know that guy?

davepoobond: No…

Maria Sweden: You didn’t?

davepoobond: Never seen that guy before in my life.

Maria Sweden: Seriously?  That was pretty cheeky to have done that…

davepoobond: Cheeky?

Maria Sweden: Yeah, cheeky, you don’t know what cheeky means?

::davepoobond rolls his eyes::

– at davepoobond’s job, 5/30/2007

If you don’t get the joke, Maria didn’t know what cheeky meant herself.  The definition of “cheeky” is “impudent or irreverent, typically in an endearing or amusing way.”


Quote #22151: Where’s the Bathroom?

This entry is part 19 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

::Female customer asks where the bathroom is.::

davepoobond: Past the escalator and to the right.

::davepoobond points in the direction she should go.::

::The customer goes past the escalator in the wrong direction, announcing her actions as she does so::


::Customer looks in the completely opposite direction she should be going.::

davepoobond: Umm… no, that way.

Customer: That’s the left!

::Customer goes out of sight.  davepoobond and David Arr just laugh.::

::davepoobond then imitates exactly what the customer did and they just crack up at how stupid what just happened was.::

– at davepoobond’s job, 6/2/07


Quote #22152

This entry is part 20 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

Man With Moustache: When are you guys going to get more of these bobble heads?

Blanker: I don’t know, we get lots of requests for it…

davepoobond: We’ll never get them again, they never order them because that would be too smart.

Blanker: Also, no one even bought them when we had them in stock the first time.

Man With Moustache: Ohhh!  I would buy one…

Blanker: Haha, we’ll give you a call when they come in.

Man With Moustache: Oh, thanks.

davepoobond: Yeah, we’ll give you a call when they come in.  You don’t even have to leave your phone number.

– at davepoobond’s job, 6/3/07


Quote #22153: Lola’s Forgotten Present

This entry is part 21 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

::Billy is reading a book and a picture of his ex-girlfriend from 11th grade pops out and falls on the floor.::

::davepoobond picks it up off the floor and on the back, is written…::

2: My Dearest Bugs or Googely Bear AKA Billy =)

Here is a brand new pic of your sexy bunny for you to drool over.  Enjoy.

Don’t get too happy.

11th grade 02-03

<3 always, Lola

::After reading the back out loud, davepoobond turns the picture around and acts shocked, mostly cause of how she looks, which is more on the unattractive side than the latter::

davepoobond: I’m keeping this for my journal, are you sure you don’t want it?

Billy: No!  I DON’T WANT IT!!!

– at davepoobond’s job, 6/5/07


Quote #22154: Internet Access Thing — Not Available in Arizona

This entry is part 22 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

::A customer from another state calls the phone.::

Guy From Arizona: Hello?

davepoobond: Hi, how can I help you?

Guy From Arizona: Do you guys sell any of those 2004 World Series Shirts anymore?

davepoobond: No, we’ve been sold out of those for a couple years.

Guy From Arizona: Ah, shit, dammit, fuck!

davepoobond: Ummm….

Guy From Arizona: Do you guys have a catalog?

davepoobond: No, I’m sorry, we have a web site where —

Guy From Arizona: Ah shit.  I don’t have Internet Access Thing.

davepoobond:  Oh… sorry.

Guy From Arizona: Can you drive me down some shirts?

davepoobond: Um… sure, for a thousand dollars haha.

Guy From Arizona: Really?

– at davepoobond’s job, 6/5/07


The Not So Returned Rental Book

This entry is part 23 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

On April 11, I had a customer today call me after talking to another co-worker of mine who was just finishing up with her shift.  He was calling regarding his rental textbook that he has but also “returned.”

Earlier when he was talking to my co-worker, he had said that he had the book still and wanted to return it but did not want to pay for the replacement fee.  She wrote his information down and said he would be coming in later this week to pay for the book.

So then, he called during the beginning of my shift and explained how he had actually returned said book, which is the Intro to Statistics, a non-serialized rental, which is a book without a specific number attached to it.

I explained to him that our system had shown that the book was not returned and that it would need to be paid for at the replacement price.  He went on to talk about how that is penalizing him for incompetence on our part because he is saying that he was not given a receipt and when he returned it to “the guy” who had said that he did not need a receipt.  I told him we were telling all of our cashiers to give receipts for any rentals returned.  I asked him if he knew who the cashier was and he said he didn’t know.  He kept repeating the same stuff over and over again, and I kept saying the same things, too.  I told him that the only way I can personally help is if he had a receipt, and otherwise I would have to have him talk to my manager about it.

He was not satisfied with that, and kept saying how it was a bureaucratic answer and basically didn’t see why he had to be penalized and kept saying the same thing over and over.  He kept saying he wasn’t given a receipt, when I told him that was the only way we’d be able to release the hold on his account, and kept repeating that asking if “it was sticking” to what I had been considering talking to him about it, to which I said, yes, but it was to not going to alleviate anything.  I asked if he had returned any other rentals along with the Intro to Statistics and said that he had returned some health book.  I told him that there would be no way that only one book from a transaction would show as returned if they were both returned, but then he spouted out more about bureaucracy again.

So, anyway, I tell him again if he would like to speak to my manager, he is able to and I gave him my manager’s extension as well as transferred him over to his voice mail once he was done talking to me.  He finally accepted the proposition and I did so.

He then proceeded to call about 5 or so minutes later, after I was telling my supervisor about the call.  I answered it, knowing that it was the same guy, but pretending like I didn’t know what just happened.  The guy asked specifically to see if my manager was in and I asked what it was regarding and if I could take a message since he was not going to be in until the next day.  He didn’t tell me his name that time, and he simply said he was a disgruntled student and was given “bad customer service” and “terrible answers” by two employees who work here and that he wanted to complain about “them” (which would most likely be my co-worker and myself) regarding his book situation, and to also solve the situation regarding his rental.

So, he came in on that Thursday and instead of dealing with anymore of his bull shit, my manager let him off the hook for the book.  I really wanted that guy to pay for being an asshole.  Turns out he was gay and said to apologize to me for being “a bitch.”

Okay, then.  Fuck you, you bitch.


Quote #22574: The Crazy Shirt Story

This entry is part 24 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

A girl came over to my register with two articles of clothing to purchase.  Before you ask, no she was not hot.  I was wearing a shirt, if that isn’t implied by this story already.

Girl: “Cool shirt!”

davepoobond: “Oh, thank you.”

::5 second pause::

Girl: “So, what’s the story behind the shirt?”

davepoobond: “Umm….”

::I took a couple seconds to think how I should respond to this ridiculously dumb question::

davepoboond: “I had a 10 dollar gift card to Kohl’s, I went there and I bought this shirt.”

– at davepoobond’s job


The Sour Lemon Lady

This entry is part 25 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

A lady came and asked if there was a graduation tassel on hold for her and it was supposed to be at customer service for her. I said I didn’t have anything like that for her (asking her name and what kind it was supposed to be).  She said that she talked to the manager directly about it and she had gotten a call from “some girl with a fancy name” last week and told them to hold it, even though she had gotten it months before.  So I spent about 5 to 10 minutes trying to track down the manager (he wasn’t there), then asked if any of the gear representatives knew about any tassel on hold for this lady by the manager.  No one knew.

I eventually asked the gear department supervisor if she knew where the manager would put something like that and she said she didn’t know, so she called him, left him a message, and we waited for him to call.  In the mean time I went back and told the lady we don’t know anything about this item and I resumed to ask the lady for her number so we can call her back when we found out more info about it.

The manager calls during this time and says he didn’t know anything about it, so we ask the lady again who called her and asked her how she paid for it. She eventually says she did a phone order, which would still imply that a gear department rep would have helped her. The supervisor asked me if Web would have it, but I told her they would only have it if THEY did the web order, not if the lady had talked to the gear manager about it since they are COMPLETELY different departments with different procedures and managers. So the lady looked through her call log to see who called her, and it was the web department.

Once we found that out, I said I would call them, and then the lady accused me all of a sudden — “SEE YOU SHOULD HAVE CALLED THEM, SHE WAS TELLING YOU THAT WEB HAD DONE IT OVER AND OVER BUT YOU SAID NO NO NO NO”

All I could say was “Ummm…”  I eventually called Web and they brought down her stupid tassel and she left.




The 20 Dollar Issue

This entry is part 26 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

A customer said that he placed 20 dollars and some change on the counter for a mug.  The total of the transaction was about 10.79 for the travel mug (which looks like it was a 9.99 mug).

When the cashier rung up the mug and began to bag it, the cashier turned away and then the money was no longer there.  The cashier turned to see that only 80 cents was there.

The customer claimed to me personally that he had “handed” her the first bill.  This did not jive with the security footage as we did not see him place any bill in her hand directly, and only saw him place things on the counter, which may or may not have included the bill in question.

The cashier said she seemed to think the customer had placed the 20 back into his pocket only to take it out again and place it on the counter, but she wasn’t entirely sure.

My take on it, is if that he had somehow put the 20 back into his pocket before he started putting change on the counter, it’s possible that ALL of his hand motions directly motioning to the counter might not be any bills at all, but only the coins after he was digging through his pockets.  I know for sure that it didn’t seem like he handed her anything directly.

As an aside, the cashier mentioned that the guy had exchanged a shirt that he had “won” earlier that day with a clothing rep for an even exchange with no money.  This all happened at about 6:20 pm.

At closing, 7:00 pm, he said he essentially wanted to take the mug without paying for it because he was “out 20 dollars.”  I told him we couldn’t let anything out of the store without it being paid for, so he eventually agreed to give me his information and his name, and then he bought the mug “again.”  I told him prior to this that we were gonna have an officer come by and help with the situation because I didn’t want to question the cashier out in the open or anything like that and make the guy mad.  He said he had to go, at which point he paid for the mug.

I had another cashier count out that register, just to make sure no conflict of interest arose.  The customer had basically agreed that the register hadn’t opened at all, plus I never saw it open on the video, so there’s that, as well.

What ended up happening after all of this, was my manager basically met the customer halfway and offered a 20 dollar gift card for the store that was to be picked up by his daughter.  I never heard anything more about it getting picked up after a couple of times of asking if it ever was, and it wasn’t.