Don’t Copy That Floppy

MC Disc Protector makes amazing points in his ridiculous rap “Don’t Copy That Floppy.” Remember when it was so easy to copy a floppy disk game onto another floppy disk? NO, BECAUSE SOME RAPPER GUY ALWAYS HACKS INTO YOUR COMPUTER AND PLAYS HIS STUPID SONG! This is essentially an annoying 10 minute song. Also, I think there’s a lot of innuendo between the white kid and the black chick.

 

Having a Child Is Child Abuse

This has been stirring in my head for the past month or so.  There’s this recent uptake in the health community that having a child that is obese or overweight is considered child abuse.

Now, let’s take a step back here.

Why would you consider having a child as being overweight the ONLY form of… let’s call it “contemporary child abuse.”

Couldn’t you say that having a child at all would constitute as child abuse?  As soon as they pop out of the womb, they are subjected to torture day in and day out.  They must breathe polluted air.  They have to deal with getting sick.  They have to deal with everything that kids have to deal with.  Why not call all of the problems that children have to deal with child abuse because their parents could’ve done something more to prevent anything from happening to them?  They could have made them wash their hands after every contact with something that has germs on it.  What if a child has a fever that goes to 103 and they are forced to take medicine that tastes bad?

I would even go so far as to say that if you allowed a child to be born with a birth defect, whether or not it was your fault, this would also constitute as child abuse, since you are now forcing your child to live with a defect.  The “right thing” to do in this case would have been to abort the baby and save them years of “torture.”

Where does it end?

If people are considering having children that are overweight in any capacity as an allegation of child abuse, then why aren’t we looking at everything?  Why don’t we just remove every single child under every single parent have them raised by the government?

It would certainly solve a lot of problems society has with children.

For example, the state will never pay to have their employees bring annoying little kids to Rated R movies.  They will never be seen at the mall making loud crying noises or running around on the escalator at my job without someone getting angry at them.

They’ll be stuck in what is essentially a jail, and we’ll all be better for it.

 

5-and-5 About Playing Video Games

A friend of mine told me to play one to two hours max of PS3 and/or PC games today and then write 5 positive things about the time I spent and 5 negative things about the time I spent.

So here’s the Positive 5:

1. Slowly expanding my knowledge of video games (design, gameplay, etc).

2. Getting more of whatever I needed in the particular game I played.

3. Sense of accomplishment for getting through in-game assigned goals.

4. Didn’t happen today, but I usually get to interact with other people I usually play with.

5. Unique to this hour of playtime I had, I did not get frustrated because no in-game elements greatly impeded what I had set out to do in-game.

and the Negative 5:

1. Spent an hour or two of the day doing that instead of doing something else.

2. Adds to spending money on games because once I get through a certain amount of time playing a game I usually play the next game.

3. Sometimes I feel completely bored with playing and just don’t want to do it anymore, which I’ve been cutting down a lot of game time and working on getting through other things.

4. Its a never-ending cycle with the game I play, there’s always something more to do.

5. It starts to feel like a chore if I start to do things I don’t want to do in the game.

I spent most of my day working on my web site and watching episodes of 24.  I started watching the show over the past couple days and I’m almost through Season 1.

I honestly feel that the positives of playing games for a shorter amount of time than say 3 or 4 hours outweigh the negatives for that period of time.  But after 3 hours, the whole day becomes wasted and the next is almost ready to start.

I am also currently pursuing a job opportunity with Blizzard and having a wide-variety of gaming knowledge as well as knowledge of their games will benefit me if they want to interview or hire me for a game tester position at their company.  I think it would be a pretty amazing opportunity to work at Blizzard, not to mention it would be an associative use for my major from college.

 

First Day of Working Out

Well, I started working out this week on Thursday.  It was sort of fun being able to do the exercises with someone else.  I’ve never really done exercises with anyone else and its good to have a friend there cause he can tell me what I’m doing wrong or tell me how to exercise more efficiently than I would otherwise.

I’m not a health guru or even that knowledgeable about things you can do in the gym so its nice to be able to have someone there.

Recently my mom has been drilling into me that I am almost thirty years old (I’m only 25), and practically telling me that I’m fat and unsuccessful.  She’s told me that she regretted sending me to college because my major has done nothing for me.  I think its terribly unfair that she says these things because she’s making it seem like my life is already over.  She says I have no ambition and that may be true, but ambition isn’t for everyone.  I don’t see how doing random things that she envisions me doing that I have no interest in doing dictates whether or not I have ambition or not.  The things I am ambitious about are all with the internet, with my web site and my ability to create, and that’s good enough for me.

In either case, it wasn’t so much of a wake-up call as it was just making myself better, and having enough of living the way I have been.  Yes, I want to make my mom stop telling me to lose weight and to stop poking and prodding me to getting a job, but if its not those things it’d be another.  That’s always how it’s been with her.  In high school when I wasn’t “dangerously” overweight (I was still overweight, I’ve always felt that way) it was me being on the computer too much or me spending too much time playing games, or whatever.  If it’s not one thing, it’s another.  Those things haven’t directly affected anything in my life, and blaming anything but my own attitude and complacency would be a scapegoat.

 

Mount & Blade: War Band (PC) Review

Developer: TaleWorlds Entertainment / Publisher: Paradox Interactive || Overall: 9.0/10

Mount & Blade: War Band is a medieval combat strategy RPG developed by TaleWorlds Entertainment.  War Band is a unique blend of strategy, adventure, and mounted combat that makes it a wonderfully pleasant game play experience.  However, there are a few issues that plague the game, namely with its presentational and user interface, which can put a damper on its enjoyability.

War Band takes place on a medieval continent named Calradia.  On Calradia, there are six different factions, whose leaders all claim they are the rightful rulers of the whole of Calradia.  Who you choose to begin the game with has less to do than where they actually are on the continent.  Every new game starts you off being attacked by assassins in the trade district of the major city of the faction you select.  After you win or lose this fight, a tradesman comes and saves you.  He pleads with you to help him save his brother that has been kidnapped by the group of people who attacked you.  If you choose to save him, you aim to gain a small sum of money.  If you don’t, you’re able to do whatever you like in the game as you please.

War Band takes it upon itself to let you roam around the sandbox it has created as soon as it can.  In fact, most of the game itself is free form and there is basically no real story or stringent quest structure to be had.  Events such as tracking down bandits and recruiting new members to your party become the story itself, as you fight battles and run around Calradia doing the biddings of Kings and their vassals, if you choose to do so.  If you progress far enough in gaining the respect of a King, you will eventually be asked to become a King’s vassal, and be awarded pieces of land acquired from your enemies.  You can also be asked to fight alongside the King in raids on castles, or come to the assistance of your allies against mountain bandits or enemy armies.

Another way to play War Band is by going against the current political structure in a certain area, and supporting a suitor that claims ownership of a throne.  By supporting these suitors, you are able to work to overthrow a King and make the person you are supporting become King or Queen in their stead, along with all the benefits and consequences that go along with that.  You are also able to establish yourself as a King or Queen and attack castles, acquiring fiefs for your own purposes.

The basis of the game itself is very interesting for gamers who have played games such as the Elder Scrolls and Civilization.  However, the game play itself has a couple of issues.  There is not a lot of explanation as to how to do certain things in the game, such as establishing yourself as a King or Queen. It is hard to find much information on it.

A lot of quests are unnecessarily vague.  It may take Internet research to figure out what to do or how to do a quest.  For example, you are told to bring some cows to a small town that has had their herd stolen by local bandits.  The only way to get cows is by stealing or buying cows from another town and bringing them to the first.  However, when you get this quest, that isn’t mentioned at all.  They tell you to “get some cows” and are left to your own laurels to figure out how to do it.  Unless you somehow happen upon the prompt to buy cows, it can be frustrating to figure out how to do this the first time.  Another instance where the game can be unnecessarily harsh is when a local Guild Master gives you a quest to find a Bandit’s Lair and expunge the threat.  The Bandit’s Lair itself does not show on your map until you are directly above it.  Considering the map of Calradia is huge and your unit is very small, it can take a certain amount of luck to happen upon the lair.  Quests like these do not lend themselves to making the game user friendly.

Combat itself is quite fun, and the large battles that can be had are quite enthralling.  Most of the time you will be fighting in first-person, but third-person is another option, and depending on the situation it is easy to switch back and forth.  Your character is able to use any weapon in the game, so it comes down to personal preference. One handed, two handed, and throwing weapons are available, in addition to shields, bows, crossbows, polearms, and maces.  There are four weapon slots for your character, allowing you to have a variety of weapons for the different situations you might be in.

Combat can take place in a variety of places, but most happen in the open field.  The open field combat stages take place on a map that closely reflects the type of area you are in, such as a mountainous area or in the woods.  Smaller stages take place on the beach, a mountain pass, or in a town.  In all of these situations, you are able to bring allies along with you, and as you grow your party larger and they become more powerful, you will begin to trump your enemies with ease — until you eye larger and more powerful enemies.  Simply put, the combat is the shining star of War Band and is what keeps you coming back for more.

When in combat, you use your mouse to change the direction you are attacking from.  To hit someone from above, you bring your mouse back towards you.  To hit them from the right, you move your mouse to the right.  You move using the WASD buttons, but there is no sidestepping with Q and E.  Q will bring up your quest log and E will kick in front of you.  If you are used to sidestepping, this can be annoying.  The objective of combat is to basically kill or knock unconscious all of your enemies.  Once that is accomplished you win.  If your army is quashed in the same manner, then you lose.  If you are knocked out before the battle ends, your army will fight at a lesser capability, and become more susceptible to losing.  It is very important to not only keep yourself alive through the whole battle, but to also help your army in the fight.  This brings a delicate balance between risk-taking and being careless and running into a group of enemies with spears.  You are also able to give your army orders to follow you, to charge, or to flank your enemy, among other commands.  These commands allow for strategy to be built around the situation at hand.

Graphics can take a big part in whether or not someone can be interested in the game without knowing anything about its game play.  With that being said, the game is downright ugly, and is about ten years behind.  The character models aren’t animated very well, many textures are smudgy, and just about everything has sharp edges.  While good graphics and animations aren’t required to have a fun game, it definitely makes it less painful to look at.  The unequivocally worst characteristic of this game is its graphics.  The second is the user interface.

The user interface is sorely in need of improvement.  When selecting from a long list of responses, it can be hard to figure out or remember which option you had last selected, so if you had to talk to the person again to get something done you may be confused as to which you had selected previously.  When looking through the in-game reference manual, it can be hard to find what you are looking for, stumbling across many pages and guessing what you might be looking for at times – this ties into finding out what to do for quests.

While navigating the map, it can take a very long time to travel and to even find where you’re trying to go.  There are no user-friendly options for accelerating travel speed, and sometimes you’ll be travelling for ten minutes straight before getting to your destination.  Over time, this adds up, and less time is actually spent playing the more interesting parts of the game.  Towns are also designed in a confusing manner, making them hard to navigate as well.  Each town has one leader that you are able to acquire quests from, but they are very hard to distinguish from other random town members at times.  The absence of a mini-map with markers while in towns would make this an easier exploit – otherwise, you are left to run around towns and talking to random people in hopes that they are the Guild Master or Town Elder.

Another user-friendly improvement that is needed would be with party management.  As you gain heroes to tag along with you, they bring their own blank slate for you to skill them up as they level.  The point of your party heroes is to fill in the gaps as far as your party skills go.  While this makes sense in theory, the execution doesn’t lend itself to helping the player figure out which skills are actually going to benefit the party or which ones another hero already covers.  Some sort of interface that tells you which party skills you are missing or have covered already as you are deciding which skills to level your characters with would make it a much more pleasant experience.  Otherwise, you have to resort to creating a small spreadsheet to figure it all out.

Party management is also irritating when it comes to managing your heroes’ equipment.  Instead of having one simple interface to tab through each party member’s equipment screen, you have to talk to him or her individually and ask to see his or her armor.  If you came into a number of upgrades to compare to what your party members have already, it is very tiresome to click three times to see one equipment screen, and then escape out of it, and then do it again for the next party member.  Most party-based RPGs have solved this problem by making it easy to switch to the next party member’s equipment/skill screen without having to exit back to the party screen, and War Band should have had something like that implemented.  Wasting time on obstacles like these can detract from the game’s enjoyment.

The inventory system also suffers from user interface issues.  You have a certain number of slots for inventory that can increase via skills.  Once you get to a large inventory capability, it can be easy to overlook what you may or may not have in your inventory.  A sorting option is desperately needed to re-sort your items and fill in slots from top to bottom.  This would prevent having to manually move each item, one at a time, from the bottom of the list to the top.  Another missing feature is a “take all items” option after defeating an enemy.  Instead of stuffing everything you can into your bags, you must click each item, one at a time, to loot them.  This, again, wastes time and energy going through and clicking everything you may want without automatically looting everything you can fit into your inventory.  In addition, inventory squares are fairly huge and could have sized down a little bit to accommodate being able to look at what you have in an easier fashion.

There is a multiplayer aspect to the game, but the most common are deathmatch or castle sieges.  The multiplayer modes are more akin to Counterstrike or other objective-based multiplayer games. Some sort of a co-op mode for the single-player game would be nice, but would have unique challenges to overcome, considering much of the game itself is traveling and quest-taking, and that wouldn’t exactly be very fun to experience alongside a friend for very long.

War Band also allows for modding.  If you find an interesting mod available, you are able to import it into the game and run it.  While War Band doesn’t have as many interesting mods as the original Mount & Blade does, there are a couple available that may be worth a try.  These mods change the single-player game in ways that the overall objective changes, or new armor/weapons are added.  Like many other PC games that allow modding, it creates a community that is involved with making these mods and keeps people interested in the game itself, as its game play could radically change with a new mod.

As a cohesive whole, Mount & Blade: War Band has many interesting and fun features. But if one thing of the game needs to be said, it’s that it mainly suffers from user interface design.  An overhaul in its user interface would severely be recommended in any future game in the series, and would lend itself to making the experience much more pleasing.  War Band is an activity that you can sink many hours into, and not realize where the time has gone. At first glance, the game can give the wrong impression, but War Band is definitely a title to experience.

 

Mi CuADERNo DE Espanol SPANiSH NoTEBooK

1) mi vocabulary
2) Mi Gramatic
3) mi tarea

2353
Discovered Room 102 unlocked told custodian earlier approximately

2300
That rooms 202, Bal-E, 211 unlocked. He secured Bal-E & 211. I tried to secure door but couldn’t. A key is required.

0000
Room 202 unlocked. Unable to scure. a key is required

0002
Room 206 unlocked. Can’t secure

0004
Room around corner from 206 through doorway across from mural unlocked I set off alarm after opening door

 

Why Can’t They Just Lose The Ring in the Sink?

Written by Dave Barry.

I finally saw the new Lord of the Rings movie, which is entitled Lord of the Rings II: A LOT More Stuff Happens. It’s a tad on the long side (three days) but I am not complaining. My eyeballs were literally riveted to the screen, by literal rivets, from the moment I sat down until the moment I lost all sensation in my lower body.

Yes, this is a classic movie, the kind that makes you laugh; makes you cry; makes you wonder, over and over, if this would be a good time to go to the bathroom. Above all, it’s a movie that makes you think about the issues raised by the plot, the main issue being: What the heck IS the plot?

I say this because it’s a very complicated story, with numerous subplots and something like 11,000 major characters, most of whom have hard-to-remember names like ”Flagodirt” or ”Grempkin.” So today, as a service to all of you who were confused by this great movie, I present the following:

SIMPLIFIED SCREENPLAY FOR LORD OF THE RINGS II

(Scene 1)

FRODO: Darn! I still have this darned ring that I got in the first movie!

SAMWISE: The ring with the terrible power that causes everyone who comes near it to over-act?

FRODO: Yes! And to destroy it, we must walk, slowly, in real time, all the way across New Zealand!

SAMWISE: But who will guide us?

FRODO: How about a reptilian computer-generated creature with a bad comb-over?

SAMWISE: Dick Cheney’s in this movie?

GOLLUM: Very funny, Hobbitt-breath.

(Scene 2:)

LORD ARAGORN: Well, my two trusty companions — Legolas, the Strangely Tall Elf; and Gimli, the Comic Relief Dwarf — in our subplot, we are pursuing Merry and Pippin, who have been captured by Orcs, and now we find ourselves in the Kingdom of Rohan, ruled by King Theoden, whose niece, Eowyn, will become my second love interest once the king is released from the spell cast by his trusted counselor, Grima Wormtongue, who is secretly in league with the evil wizard Saruman!

LEGOLAS: I have no idea what you’re talking about.

LORD ARAGORN: Me either. I’m just reading the script.

GIMLI: Well, I’m really short!

(Laughter)

LORD ARAGORN: But enough explanatory dialogue. It’s time for one of the estimated 17 big sword-clanging battles we have in this movie with hideous computer-generated monsters who always outnumber us by the thousands, although we defeat them every time, because we are courageous heroes!

LEGOLAS: Also, they have the hand-to-hand-combat skills of alfalfa.

MONSTERS: Arrrrrr.

SWORDS: CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!

(Scene 3:)

MERRY: Well, Pippin, we escaped the Orcs, and now we are being carried around by talking trees!

PIPPIN: Apparently, the audience will swallow anything!

TREE: It gets worse! Later on, we engage in branch-to-hand combat! (Scene 4)

MONSTERS: Arrrrrr

SWORDS: CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! CLANG! (Scene 5)

FRODO: How come, if I’m the protagonist, Lord Aragorn has TWO love interests, and I’m stuck in a subplot with Dick Cheney?

GOLLUM: Maybe it’s because your big hairy feet make you look like you’re wearing a pair of dead weasels.

(Scene 6)

LORD ARAGORN: Well, Legolas and Gimli, with the help of Gandalf the White, formerly Gandalf the Grey, also known as Gandalf the Beige, we have defeated the Uruk-hai in a giant computer-generated battle. Now we must make haste to the Really Big Rock of Karambador, before the forces of Ba’Zoot, led by the evil King Weltpimple, conquer the Mullions of Gneep and obtain the Remote Control Unit of Doom!

LEGOLAS: Now you’re just making stuff up.

LORD ARAGORN: Well, it’s not as stupid as the kung-fu trees.

GIMLI: I’m still short!

(Laughter)

(Scene 7)

FRODO: UH-oh! The movie is over, and I still have this darned ring! Do you realize what that means?

SAMWISE: That ”Weasel Feet” would be a good name for a rock band?

FRODO: Yes, as would ”Kung Fu Trees” and ”Combat Alfalfa.” But my point is that the forces of Evil have been let loose upon the land, which means soon there will be…

SAMWISE: No! Not that!

FRODO: Yes. Another sequel.

MONSTERS: Arrrrrr.

 

Congratualation (You’ve Won!) Email Conversation

Ok, there was this stupid piece of junk mail that was sent to 28 people.  Out of those 28 people, I was included, but there were 2 other people that were stupid enough to open it and RESPOND to it.  This is what they said:

1st guy: eh… who r u ppl?

2nd guy: REALLY BUDDY, I DOUBT ANY OF US ARE THAT STUPID…BECAUSE I WENT TO THE SITE AND IT SAID FILL OUT SN AND PASSWORD…BUT THERE IS SOMETHING I REMEMBERD…

REMINDER…AOL WILL NEVER ASK YOU FOR YOUR PASSWORD OR ANY OTHER BILLING INFORMATION!

YOU ARE BEING REPORTED

I mean, these guys are stupid dumbasses.  They act like they think we really care what they have to say, and reply all.  Moral of the story is: Don’t reply all on spam mail.

 

Voting

I fucking hate it when people say “oh you better vote for your country!”.. thats stupid. When has a presidential campaign
ever been won by a SINGLE vote? (okay maybe it’s happened before, who cares) Im never going to vote, EVER! it’s
a waste of time. This is just like screaming at a concert. what the fuck? Do you really think it is necessary? I know
that ‘every person makes a difference’ well I dont give a shit… i also hate people that go to parades. WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!?!
who goes to parades? or like, christmas strolls.. its all stupid shit. i hate season clothing because you can only wear it for like a week
and if you have nothing to wear in march and you wear your halloween sweater then you’ll get the shit beat out of you. especially if
nobody likes you as it is. i hate people that say the pledge of allegiance at school. you dont HAAAVE to, and at this age (high school)
you’re not fucking patriotic, and if you are, you’re just trying to get attention. My mom once dated a black guy, and do you see me
wearing a damn christmas sweater right now? hell NO!

 

The Stupid Nerdy Annoying Asshole Idiot Tally Sheet

The following is a tally of how many times this annoying asshole in my physics class said certain things over the period of about 5 days.  I only wrote the dates down for the first 2 days.

He would always say certain things out loud — he had no self control in keeping his god damned mouth shut and not make any noise while we tried to take notes from the teacher.  He was this huge, 8 foot tall, fat, nerdy guy that sat in the front row and always wore a red shirt with arm pit stains.  He always had a rolling backpack so you could hear him coming down the hall.  He also had nerdy glasses on, as if the previous wasn’t enough to cement the fact he’s a stupid nerd.

I lost interest after those 5 days because he did these so many times, it wasn’t worth counting anymore:

Says “mmhmm:”

Feb 14, 2005:  13 times
Feb 15, 2005:  34 times
3rd day:  5 times
4th day:  13 times
5th day:  25 times

Says “mmhno:”

Feb 14, 2005:  1 time

Answers a Question (but usually mumbles to himself rather than actually raising his hand to legitimately answer it):

Feb 14, 2005:  16 times
Feb 15, 2005:  68 times
3rd day:  12 times
4th day:  20 times
5th day:  11 times

Says “right:”

Feb 14, 2005:  2 times

Says “no:”

Feb 14, 2005:  8 times
Feb 15, 2005:  8 times
3rd day:  6 times
4th day:  3 times
5th day:  4 times

Says “hmm:”

Feb 14, 2005:  2 times

Says “yeaah:”

Feb 14, 2005:  1 time
Feb 15, 2005:  1 time

Says “unhunh:”

Feb 14, 2005: 2 times
Feb 15, 2005: 3 times
3rd day: 1 time
4th day: 1 time
5th day: 2 times

Says “Yep/yes:”

Feb 14, 2005: 1 time
Feb 15, 2005: 8 times
3rd day: 7 times
4th day: 3 times
5th day: 2 times

Does something stupid (with elaboration):

Feb 14, 2005:  6 times

1. Didn’t bring a Scantron for a test.

2. Somehow lost his study guide since the last time it was given out (which is the 2nd time it was passed out) – counts as 2.

3. Yawned like a vampire

4. Answered a question wrong.  Saying, it wasn’t 300,000 km/hr for a light year.

5. Answered a question wrong.  Professor said, “nice guess.”

Feb 15, 2005:  5 times

1. Said Moon cycle was 273 days, when it is actually 29.5

2. Said “I love the moon!”

3. Laughed after answering question wrong

4. Nodded his head and looked at the rest of the class, as if looking for people to agree with him.

5. Yawned like a vampire, really loudly.

3rd day: 1 time

1. Someone told him to shut up, but kept doing his same shit.

 

Fake Game: Slave Trade Tycoon

Slave Trade Tycoon is a game that is similar to other “Tycoon” games like Roller Coaster Tycoon, Railroad Tycoon, and Marine Park Empire.

You can choose from many time periods to slave trade in, including “the past” (easy), “the present” (normal), and “the future” (hard).  The further in time you go, the harder it gets to keep your slave trade in business, due to new humanitarian laws and the rise of individual self-worth among developing nations.

The goal of this game is to try to make money by raising and selling slaves.  You can build many kinds of things that promote your slave trade business, making it easier to supply your customers (short-term profit) with slaves or put them to work on your own personal properties (long-term profit).

You can allocate which slaves work where, and they increase in sale value depending on conditions such as youth, strength, current health, will power (bad), stupidity (good), and how many different types of jobs they can do.

Another element of the game is keeping a balance in the morale of your slaves.  Being nice to your slaves is good, but you don’t want your slaves to think you are too nice of a guy, that would mean they’d walk all over you.  There are many ways to be a slave trade master — rule with an iron fist, a warm blanket, or both!

Many different cultures/themes are available, along with their own specific goals, such as:

Egyptian – Making the pyramids.

American – Plantations

Germany – Slave Camp

Russia – Prostitution

Alien – Human slave camps

Different problems that occur during the game that challenge your skills include:

Slave riots

Slave escape (Underground Railroads)

Civil Wars/Wars with other nations

Plagues/Diseases

 

Enrichment or Just “Richment”?

Enriched foods are everywhere.

Rarely ever do you see non-enriched foods anymore.  I remember a time when Orange Juice didn’t have calcium or when milk was just Vitamin D (naturally) instead of Vitamin A and D.  I remember when cereal didn’t have 800 nutritious vitamins and minerals, which make even the worst cereals that you could possibly eat into the equivalent of supplemental pills.

However, this what they tell us is in the foods we eat.  How do WE know for certain those things are in there?  Sure, there’s laws, but it doesn’t mean food manufactures ACTUALLY put them in, does it?  Who bothers testing each and every random box for those random vitamins and minerals?

And what good does all that crap do for us anyway?  It’s all just a ploy — an excuse for them to charge us more, and to accept rolling backpacks as “okay to use.”  Damn them.

 

We Need More Holiday Songs

O Christmas Tree, Santa Baby, Here Comes Santa Claus, White Christmas, the list goes on.  How many songs have we heard a million times?  How many versions of the same songs must we choke down?

A horrendous onslaught of holiday music is upon us every time we get into the months of November and December, as Christmas, the month-long holiday is the time we love to be tortured by it.

Not only do we have to buy buy buy, but we have to listen to millionaire corporate slaves sing yet another version of that “Do You Know What I Know” song that takes forever to listen to.  We’re already tossing hordes of cash out the windows into the pockets of companies in the RIAA — couldn’t they possibly hire some fuckers to write some new songs?  Isn’t 300 versions of each Christmas song from each new generation of singers enough?

Oh goody, DJ Whatshisface made a remix of Joy to the World and DJ Megaloser made O Christmas Tree v. Santa Baby.  Or let’s have Britney Spears sing the 12 Days of Christmas — that’s new and exciting!

What is even more annoying is that each time the song is remade, the singer adds their own little “flair” to it, so you would remember that in BigBoobedMovieStarNowASinger said “Yeayyeeyeahheeyaa!” at the end of each sentence in the song.  It’s crap!

Sometimes bands make new Christmas songs, I’m sure, so why can’t we just stop dragging on those same fucking songs we have to listen to over and over?  They’re so fucking old!  Fuck them all!  And where are the Thanksgiving songs?!  I want to hear songs about how we screwed the Native Americans and killed turkeys!

 

The Lost Money Theory

There is a lot of money that goes unspent.  In fact it is so unspent that it is LOST.

I’m not talking about money burned down in a fire or whatever.  I’m talking about money that still exists in the form it was created in, but is in a place where it will never be used again.

Take for example, a lowly penny on the ground.  Pennies are worth less than the metal that is used to create it.  Not only is this two cent piece of metal only worth one cent, but to some its not even worth keeping.  It gets thrown away into a trash can or stuffed into an empty soda bottle and shipped off to a landfill.

How many thrown away coins are sitting in landfills right now?  How much “accidentally” thrown away money is sitting somewhere never to be used again?

It is in my professional opinion that there is enough to take a damper on the economy.  We’ve ultimately wasted resources to create things that are meant to be used, only to have them thrown away.  How many millions of times would that penny have passed through hands?  How many times would that torn up one dollar bill been passed through a stripper’s ass crack?

These are trying times, friends.  We need to take a look at how we physically use our money.  We need to make sure every penny is spent wisely, and not thrown away.  We need to press our pennies into weird shapes at amusement parks for 50 cents.  Avoid throwing pennies into wishing fountains that do not get cleaned out regularly.  A lake is not a wishing fountain, do not throw your nickels and dimes into lakes.  Instead, throw it off the Empire State Building, where it can implant itself into someone’s head, to be removed at a later date and spent on a Snickers bar by the doctor who just spent 8 hours in surgery trying to remove it.

We must not devalue the very thing that is tantamount to our culture — money.

 

“Immigration Interview” Breakdown

This entry is part 6 of 13 in the series Dave's Breakdown

I kid you not, this is the exact text from which I found on a poster board at my high school.  The spelling and grammar errors are exactly as they appeared on this poster board.  I found this around 2004, and wrote up my part of the article when posting.

“An interview with Helen
Made by her son Michael

Q: What was your impression of America before today?
A: peaceful life and today my view of America is I hope there are no more wars

I don’t even know where to begin.  How is it a view of America to “hope there are no more wars”?  You make it sound like America has always been in a war.  I guess we’ve been in one for 10 years, and since this was answered around 2004, guess you’re very not impressed by America anymore or something.

“Q: Why did you leave Burma so suddenly?
A: a riot broke out in the city I was living in from a group from Chinese government”

One riot and that makes you get on a boat and go 5000 miles across an ocean?  I’m sure there’s something more, I don’t know, MEANINGFUL to pick from a list of reasons for leaving Burma.

“Q: if you went back in time and if did not have to any place you went what would it be?
A: China”

You’re not even from fucking-China.  You’re from fucking Burma!  Also, what the fuck kinda question is that to ask?  Who the fuck cares if she can go back in time to an indistinct era to just “go somewhere.”  What the fuck is she gonna do by going back in time?

“Q: Why did you immigrate to Canada instead straight to America
A: the weather was good and there are many more job opportunity”

So, when you got on the boat to go to Canada, they handed you a brochure which outlined “the weather is good” and “there are many more job opportunity?”  How the fuck do you know that if you’re getting on a boat in Burma?

“Q: what the reason that most of your family members stayed in Canada instead of coming down?
A: the health care union was very good”

And I guess you didn’t care enough about health care which prompted your movement to the United States?  I don’t get it.  If you were so inclined to move, then why not the rest of your family?  This is about as ridiculous as the reason you chose to leave Burma.  This woman sounds very finicky.

“Q: in your opinion how is life in the United States differ from life in Canada?
A: there is more stress in America while in Canada it is more of a relaxing life”

Not only does she leave Canada for nondescript reasons, she says Canada is BETTER than the United States.  Why the fuck didn’t she just go back to Canada if it was too stressful for her?

“Q: if there were no riots in Burma would you have still made the immigration to America?
A: most likely because I wanted a better life”

Yeah, right!  You just said the only reason you left Burma was because of the riots.  I don’t think you actually know what you would have even done.  How would you know if the weather was good or not if it wasn’t for that handy brochure they passed out on the Passage to America boating line?

“Q: what is one thing that is important to you in America?
A: My job”

So, let me get this straight.  Your son, interviewing you for his class, asks you what is important to you in America.  And you say your job.  You don’t say your son, who is standing right there asking you this question, hoping to hear something that would make him learn how to write English better, but no.  You throw it back into his face and tell him that your stinking 9-5 that you somehow convinced someone to let you have is more meaningful to you than your son or your family in America.

“Q: what is the most charitable thing you have coming to America?
A: security, financial stability, and many others”

This question doesn’t make any sense.  On top of that, the answer makes even less sense.  How the fuck is security and financial stability even considered charitable?  What the hell does it even mean to have something charitable by coming to America?   English is hard.

In closing, this lady is fucking stupid.  Just looking at her responses makes you wonder what the hell she was smoking.

No wonder American values are going down the drain, stupid foreigners are teaching their children that the most important thing in life is your job, and not your family or something like that that is more important.  Even non-foreigners are teaching their children this.  I blame everyone.

I hate older generations.