The Lost Money Theory

There is a lot of money that goes unspent.  In fact it is so unspent that it is LOST.

I’m not talking about money burned down in a fire or whatever.  I’m talking about money that still exists in the form it was created in, but is in a place where it will never be used again.

Take for example, a lowly penny on the ground.  Pennies are worth less than the metal that is used to create it.  Not only is this two cent piece of metal only worth one cent, but to some its not even worth keeping.  It gets thrown away into a trash can or stuffed into an empty soda bottle and shipped off to a landfill.

How many thrown away coins are sitting in landfills right now?  How much “accidentally” thrown away money is sitting somewhere never to be used again?

It is in my professional opinion that there is enough to take a damper on the economy.  We’ve ultimately wasted resources to create things that are meant to be used, only to have them thrown away.  How many millions of times would that penny have passed through hands?  How many times would that torn up one dollar bill been passed through a stripper’s ass crack?

These are trying times, friends.  We need to take a look at how we physically use our money.  We need to make sure every penny is spent wisely, and not thrown away.  We need to press our pennies into weird shapes at amusement parks for 50 cents.  Avoid throwing pennies into wishing fountains that do not get cleaned out regularly.  A lake is not a wishing fountain, do not throw your nickels and dimes into lakes.  Instead, throw it off the Empire State Building, where it can implant itself into someone’s head, to be removed at a later date and spent on a Snickers bar by the doctor who just spent 8 hours in surgery trying to remove it.

We must not devalue the very thing that is tantamount to our culture — money.

 

“Immigration Interview” Breakdown

This entry is part 6 of 13 in the series Dave's Breakdown

I kid you not, this is the exact text from which I found on a poster board at my high school.  The spelling and grammar errors are exactly as they appeared on this poster board.  I found this around 2004, and wrote up my part of the article when posting.

“An interview with Helen
Made by her son Michael

Q: What was your impression of America before today?
A: peaceful life and today my view of America is I hope there are no more wars

I don’t even know where to begin.  How is it a view of America to “hope there are no more wars”?  You make it sound like America has always been in a war.  I guess we’ve been in one for 10 years, and since this was answered around 2004, guess you’re very not impressed by America anymore or something.

“Q: Why did you leave Burma so suddenly?
A: a riot broke out in the city I was living in from a group from Chinese government”

One riot and that makes you get on a boat and go 5000 miles across an ocean?  I’m sure there’s something more, I don’t know, MEANINGFUL to pick from a list of reasons for leaving Burma.

“Q: if you went back in time and if did not have to any place you went what would it be?
A: China”

You’re not even from fucking-China.  You’re from fucking Burma!  Also, what the fuck kinda question is that to ask?  Who the fuck cares if she can go back in time to an indistinct era to just “go somewhere.”  What the fuck is she gonna do by going back in time?

“Q: Why did you immigrate to Canada instead straight to America
A: the weather was good and there are many more job opportunity”

So, when you got on the boat to go to Canada, they handed you a brochure which outlined “the weather is good” and “there are many more job opportunity?”  How the fuck do you know that if you’re getting on a boat in Burma?

“Q: what the reason that most of your family members stayed in Canada instead of coming down?
A: the health care union was very good”

And I guess you didn’t care enough about health care which prompted your movement to the United States?  I don’t get it.  If you were so inclined to move, then why not the rest of your family?  This is about as ridiculous as the reason you chose to leave Burma.  This woman sounds very finicky.

“Q: in your opinion how is life in the United States differ from life in Canada?
A: there is more stress in America while in Canada it is more of a relaxing life”

Not only does she leave Canada for nondescript reasons, she says Canada is BETTER than the United States.  Why the fuck didn’t she just go back to Canada if it was too stressful for her?

“Q: if there were no riots in Burma would you have still made the immigration to America?
A: most likely because I wanted a better life”

Yeah, right!  You just said the only reason you left Burma was because of the riots.  I don’t think you actually know what you would have even done.  How would you know if the weather was good or not if it wasn’t for that handy brochure they passed out on the Passage to America boating line?

“Q: what is one thing that is important to you in America?
A: My job”

So, let me get this straight.  Your son, interviewing you for his class, asks you what is important to you in America.  And you say your job.  You don’t say your son, who is standing right there asking you this question, hoping to hear something that would make him learn how to write English better, but no.  You throw it back into his face and tell him that your stinking 9-5 that you somehow convinced someone to let you have is more meaningful to you than your son or your family in America.

“Q: what is the most charitable thing you have coming to America?
A: security, financial stability, and many others”

This question doesn’t make any sense.  On top of that, the answer makes even less sense.  How the fuck is security and financial stability even considered charitable?  What the hell does it even mean to have something charitable by coming to America?   English is hard.

In closing, this lady is fucking stupid.  Just looking at her responses makes you wonder what the hell she was smoking.

No wonder American values are going down the drain, stupid foreigners are teaching their children that the most important thing in life is your job, and not your family or something like that that is more important.  Even non-foreigners are teaching their children this.  I blame everyone.

I hate older generations.

 

Construction on the Sandwich

Dear Mr. Boaling Ball,

I’m Katie from the 7/8 newspaper The Odyssey, and I’m writing an article on the new popsicle gimme some dickin’ sandwich and i crave the cock.  If you could please answer the following questions and add any other information you think would benefit my article that would be greatly appreciated.

1) About when do you think the sandwich will be finished?

2) When did they start construction on the sandwich?

3) What’s the benefit of having aster-turf as opposed to grass?

4) What is the i crave the cock made of?

5) Were there any donations toward the project?

Thank you very much for your time, and when you are finished please place the information in Mr. Pillups’ box.

Thanks again,

Katie

 

How to Speak Dubbish – The Dudbear Language

Dubbish is a very simple language, and there isn’t very much you can really say in it.  Dubbish’s origins are from the game Legend of Mana by Square Enix.

Dub! – a greeting, also means yes

Dud – means no and also goodbye

Duba – you

Duda – me

Dubba – friends

Bubu – Dudbear

Gugu – all other creatures

Da – light and stars

Ba – night

Dadda – light

Dubababa – many or very

Du – little

Baba – music

Dada – please

Gak – used to show displeasure

Bub? – used if you don’t understand

if you are trying to sell lamps, say – dada dadda?

Dabba duba – fuck you!

Foofoo – blow me

Da doodoo – holy shit

::spitting sound:: – eat me

 

Schuyler Hunt (PC) Review

Game by EEs.  Made with Game Maker.  No download is available — if it ever does become available, it will be uploaded.

Overview:

Some old company called Schuyler & Sons closed for some spooky reason, and you think that there is money hidden within the old joint.

Schuyler Hunt is a point and click adventure, which is rarely seen in the Game Maker community. It even has a little inventory system! Is this tale scary enough to warrant playing? Let’s find out!

Graphics:

Though the pictures were randomly picked from an image search and colored black and white, they go incredibly well together and make this fictional place seem real. The rooms you go through have an eerie feeling to them, and make you expect for something to jump out at you at any moment. However, the few hand-drawn sprites that are in the game are incredibly terrible. Everything that was drawn looks like it was concocted in MS Paint in a matter of seconds and really lessens the creepy atmosphere. Also, the maker of this game’s first language is not English and it shows, as frequent misspellings and unintelligible notes litter a large part of the game. Still though, the backgrounds do a pretty good job of immersing you into the game.

Sound:

The music in Schuyler Hunt is very well done and adds a lot to the already creepy atmosphere. The game features no sound effects, but this gives it sort of a charm, as adding a lot of sounds may ruin immersion.

Gameplay:

You point and click just like any other point and click adventure, only when you click on an item that can be picked up, it automatically puts it into your inventory. Left clicking on certain things will either give you a short description of it or place it into your inventory. Right clicking on your inventory will give you a description of the item and can be pretty handy if you’re unsure of what to do with it. Right clicking on notes will show you what is written on them, though almost all of the notes in the game are completely useless and make no sense.

Crappiest Part:

Definitely definitely definitely the hand-drawn graphics. If any effort at all would’ve been put into them, the quality of the game would’ve multiplied. But the way that they are, the game looks very amateur and sometimes ridiculous.

Overall Score:

Schuyler Hunt is a pretty smart game that focuses more on atmosphere than anything. My gripes are that the game could’ve been a little longer, it could’ve had better spelling (although the reason for the misspellings is understandable), the notes mostly make no sense, and most of all the drawn graphics are just flat out terrible. This game could obviously have been better, but it is a fun game that sucked me in the whole time. That’s something I can hardly ever say for a Game Maker game.

8.5/10

 

“List of 10 Things” Breakdown

This entry is part 5 of 13 in the series Dave's Breakdown

We all have things to do.  Sometimes we put them in a list. Well, today I found a list of things to do on the ground.  And since I didn’t have anything better to do, I thought it would be worth my time to completely obliterate this person’s list of things to do, for no reason other to be a dick.

So, here we go!:

“1. Confirm still life”

Yes, this is your confirmation, my friend.  This is a still life.  We are doomed to forever work at our crappy jobs and breathe the air on this Earth until we die and then that’s it.  The only redeeming factor to this “still life” is 80’s music.  And metalcore with piano in it.

“2. Complete graphite transfer”

Uh oh.  Graphite transfer of what?  Your naked body?  Mmm… You better be that kinda hot Asian chick that I think dropped this list if that’s going down.

“3. Clean room”

An honest proposition.  However, an even more honest assessment would be that your room will never be “clean” considering you’ve tainted it with your being.

“4. Write letter”

This is as ambiguous as you can get.  Technically, you’ve written a lot of “letters” already.  However, if this is a letter that you send in the mail, it is oddly very unspecific… almost as if just in case this list had been seen by someone else, such as myself, if they ever wrote an article about it and posted it on a web site for all to see, we wouldn’t know to who this mysterious “letter” is for.

“5. Fill out concentration/major paperwork.”

I hope you don’t have to rely on this list to remember to do that.  Cause I guess you’re not gonna have a major ever if you do.

“6. Pay Insurance!”

Interestingly this is of midway importance for this person.  It is sort of a commentary on America itself, once you think about it.  Insurance is only #6 on the list of importance.  That’s why Republicans want to get rid of Obamacare, not because they want to insurance companies to keep their costs down, but to keep the individual’s costs high and to keep rising!

The “ce” was also whited out, so it brings to question what she had actually spelled originally.

“7. Spay Ammy”

Looks like today is Ammy’s lucky day.  Ammy will still be able to make babies when this day is through.  Maybe.

“8. Rework Artwork”

This feels like some sort of rhyming action is trying to take place.  I wonder if “Rework Artwork” is the name of an object or an art piece in and of itself.  Which would mean we don’t know what the hell this actually means.

“9. Lay out story/storyboards”

Considering a storyboard is supposed to help you lay out a story, I don’t know why you’d want to do both at the same time.  Sounds like this should have been two numbers!

“10. Be happy!”

This is what gets me about this whole list.  You have to remind yourself to “be happy” cause your life is apparently so crummy, that you have to artificially make yourself happy by telling yourself to “be happy” in a list of things to do.

Anyway, I’m just glad I wasn’t put in the awkward position of having to explain why I was writing two pages about this girl’s To-Do list that she dropped on the floor unknowingly, had she unexpectedly come back.

 

Let It Go For 9 Cents

This entry is part 13 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

Yesterday some douchebag wanted to buy a pencil and he only had like 95 cents.  I told him the pencil he was interested in buying was 1.08 with tax.  And he was all, “can’t I just bring the rest of the money later?”

I told him, “No, you’re about 9 cents short and I can’t let things out of the store without it being paid for.”

“Really?  9 Cents?  You won’t let it go for 9 cents?”

At first I thought he was being sarcastic/joking but then it became apparent he was actually pissed as he started shaking his head and cursing under his breath.

Like, what the fuck do you want me to do, asshole?  Short my register for your sorry “can’t afford 9 more cents” ass?  Or pull money out of my pocket for you?

Fuck you!  Fuckin’ asshole!

 

Postage Is (Not) 46 Cents!

This entry is part 12 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

A couple days ago there was this girl who was very convinced that postage is 46 cents.  I tried to help her by saying it was 44 cents, and she only needed to use one stamp for a regular sized letter.

So, she came over to my register and told me she needed to buy two stamps.  I took out two 44 cent stamps and she paid for it.  She asked whether or not postage was 46 cents or 44.  I told her it was 44.

Then she came back and said she wanted to buy two 2-cent stamps.  I asked why she needed them and she said postage was 46 cents, not 44.  So, I asked her when it went up, cause I hadn’t heard of that happening, and she said “last year” and that she “looked it up on Google.”

She was getting angry because she thought I wasn’t going to sell her her 2-cent stamps.  I told her if she wanted to buy them she can, but she didn’t need to.  I even showed her on the UNITED STATES POSTAL SERVICE web site how it is only 44 cents but she didn’t believe me still.  She said she was sending a lot of pictures, so I told her the web site would appraise a 4-ounce letter at around 80 cents, in that case.  So it still wouldn’t matter for buying the 2-cent stamps.

After she left, I looked it up on Google, and the first thing I saw was an article from July 2010 saying stamps MAY go up to 46 cents.  Nothing said it was CURRENTLY 46 cents, and everything had a question mark or some sort of speculative commentary about it.  You can see what she probably looked for at this link, but if postage does go up to 46 cents in the future, it’ll be filled with newer articles that don’t exhibit this point.

What a dumb bitch.  I was only trying to help her.

 

Mathematical Formula: Appropriate Dating Age

If you’re wondering what the youngest “socially acceptable” age for dating someone would be, it’s pretty simple to figure out.

All you do is divide your age by 2, then add 7.  As long as you’re 14 and over, this formula works.  Here’s a few examples:

14 year old can date a 14 year old

18 year old can date a 16 year old.

20 year old can date a 17 year old.

26 year old can date a 20 year old.

40 year old can date a 27 year old.

80 year old can date a 47 year old.

The only time this breaks down is when you are trying to figure it out if you’re 13 or less.  You shouldn’t be dating at that age anyway, so you shouldn’t be trying to figure it out.

Now, it might not exactly be “legal” to date a 17 year old if you’re 20 in certain states, or even 18 to date a 16 year old.  But that’s besides the point of the formula.  Whether or not it’s “socially acceptable” is what you’re trying to figure out.  It is basically trying to easily let you figure out if you should be going out with someone of a drastically younger age than you, and if it would be perceived as odd.

As long as the divide by 2 add 7 formula checks out, and they’re the age or older of the product of the equation, then you’re good!

 

Exigent Circumstances

This entry is part 10 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

There was this stoner guy that came to the store on Tuesday.  He had a rental book that was about a month and a half overdue, and he had said that he had come into the store earlier and talked to someone upstairs in the textbook department about returning the rental book, but they had to talk to us at Customer Service before being able to.

The reason being, there is a late fee/replacement price associated with any late rental books.  And, being a month and a half overdue, this fucker thought he’d be able to just return a water-damaged book three weeks into the next semester without having to pay anything.

The reasoning behind his being late was he had “exigent circumstances” that prevented him from completing the class on time.  Okay, fine.  He brought his teacher with him to vouch for him, as well.  Oh, great.

So, I went upstairs to ask a book manager and to see what they could do for the guy, which I knew wouldn’t be much.  When she came down to talk to him, the guy was a complete idiot and kept saying how he had exigent circumstances and he “had a baby” and can’t be throwing around sixteen dollars here and there.

The manager had come to a middle ground and said that we would only charge him the late fee, which was the rental fee again at 14 dollars.  The guy didn’t understand why he had to pay a late fee for something he has in his hand and was trying to return to us.  She also offered if he had bought the book at the replacement price of 16 dollars, we would buy back the book at 5 dollars, so he’d actually be saving 3 dollars if he had done so.

He wouldn’t have it.  He didn’t want to pay a dime.  This stupid mother fucker had his school records on hold and couldn’t change or drop any of his classes or get any school services that he might need done because of 15 dollars.  He didn’t understand why we charged late fees and didn’t agree that he should pay them.  But he still signed the agreement to the terms, and it was his fault he didn’t read it.

So he started throwing around accusations like “you guys are nickel and dime-ing students” and he had “just bought a $150 book” and now had to “buy another $15 book.”  So the book manager had made the argument that that we had lost out on the money the bookstore could have made off that book, which is why we charge the late fee/replacement price, and that it was already three weeks into the semester and we will probably lose out on the opportunity to sell that book to another student.

Then he said, “How are you so sure that all the students have gotten their books already,” and the book manager said we didn’t, but most have already gotten their books so the likelihood of it being sold was minimal.  Then he said “well, *I* didn’t get my books,” in a “ah-ha I got you” kind of tone.  The book manager said “I’m not going to get into a nit-picky fight with you…” etc etc.

So at the end of it, the guy ended up NOT paying and he left with a hold still on his school records.  And the whole time, the faculty member he coerced into bringing with him was nodding her head agreeing with everyone.  She was probably oblivious to everything that was happening, and I don’t know why she was wasting her time at 7 pm to come with this guy to try and get him off on any late fees.

Fuckin’ asshole comes right before the store closes too.  What a great time to come.

 

The Band-Aid Bandit

This entry is part 9 of 26 in the series The Retail Report

So, there was this complete spaz that came in last week on Tuesday.

This guy was very, VERY concerned that he might have taken a band-aid accidentally and didn’t pay for it.  The conversation went something like this:

Spaz: “Uhhh hi, I was wondering if there is a way to see if I had accidentally taken something.  I don’t know if I did or not cause I bought a lot of stuff and I’m not sure if I accidentally took an extra package of band-aids.  Would there be anyway to see if I did?”

dave: “Ummm…do you have a receipt?  That would be the only for-sure way I can tell you if you paid for something or not.”

At this point, I’m not sure if his concern is that he didn’t pay for it or that he was charged for something he didn’t want.

Spaz: “Uhh, a receipt?  Uhh ahhh uhhh no.  I don’t have a receipt.  But I think I accidentally took an extra package of band-aids and I already opened a package and I used one but I don’t know if I took it and I was wondering if there was a way to check for that.”

dave: “Well, again, the only way I can tell for sure or not is whether or not you have your receipt.  I can tell you for sure what you got charged for if you have one.”

Spaz: “OH, uhhh a receipt, I don’t have that.”

So, after a few seconds of him not really saying anything else…

dave: “Umm…well, let me ask my manager for you to see if there’s anything we can figure out.”

At this point I’m dumbfounded that he’s making such a big deal about this.  I have nothing else that I can come up with to say to him, so I asked my manager and told him the situation, that he thinks he might have taken something accidentally or whatever.  My manager said it would take a lot of leg work to figure out if he took anything, and as long as it was an honest mistake, we would excuse it, so I went back to the Spaz and told him…

dave: “I talked to my manager and he said it was okay, you don’t have to worry about it.  Thank you for your honesty, but you don’t have to worry about it.”

Spaz: “Oh, really?  I don’t have to worry about it…?  But I might have taken something without paying for it, you guys aren’t going to do anything about it?  It might have been glue or a pencil or something, I don’t know what I might have taken, are you sure it’s ok?”

So, at this point I’m perplexed as to why he isn’t even sure about what he might have taken anymore.

dave: “Umm, well, like I said.  My manager said it was okay, and you don’t have to worry about it.  Going forward, just make sure you buy everything you take out of the store, and there won’t be a problem.”

Spaz: “OH, but I didn’t pay for something and I don’t know if I took it or not”

dave: “Like I said, it’s ok.  It’s really not possible for us to check something like that, and we’re going to excuse it this time.  Just make sure you buy everything you take out of the store in the future.”

Spaz: “Umm..ok.”

So, he finally leaves.

Then.  He comes back.  And says the same stuff again, to which I explain to him again.  Then he leaves.  Then he comes back again.  Then I tell him the same stuff.  Then he leaves.  He leaves and comes back consistently over 20 minutes.

He’s wasting my god damned time at this point.  So, I get really frustrated and say “I’M NOT DEALING WITH THIS ANYMORE, I’M GOING ON LUNCH.”

So, I go on lunch.  I come back only to hear that the guy comes back TWO MORE TIMES, and talks to my co-worker, who said he said the exact same thing I told him again.  But the second time, he came back with a notebook and wrote down exactly what my co-worker had said.  He didn’t appear for the rest of the day.

I didn’t work in the store on Wednesday, but I came back on Thursday at around 12.  I heard that “my friend” had came back from my manager and I was like “what friend?”  My manager said the guy that came a couple days ago saying he might have taken a band-aid.  I was like “Oh, great.”

Not even five minutes after he told me he was in the store, the guy came back and I was there to talk to him.

Spaz: “Uh, hi.  Do you remember what we were talking about last week or a while ago?”

Note that it wasn’t last week, it was Tuesday, the day before yesterday that he had come in.

dave: “Uh.  Maybe.”

Spaz: “Well, ok, well, I think I might have taken something I hadn’t paid for, like band-aids or glue or pens or something, and I don’t know if I paid for it, is there a way you can check that?”

This fucking guy.

dave: “Like I said before.  It’s ok, don’t worry about it.”

Spaz: “Don’t worry about it?  What if it was something expensive?”

Ok, so NOW he’s getting on my nerves AND is acting suspicious as fuck.

dave: “Well, did you take anything expensive?”

Spaz: “No, I don’t know what I took, I think it’s in my notebook and my notebook is messy.”

dave: “Ok, well let’s do this then.  Get your notebook in order.  Then figure out what you might have taken out of the bookstore.”

Spaz: “Ok, oh but uh my notebook isn’t here.  But even if its expensive, you guys aren’t going to do anything?”

dave: “Ok, like I said, don’t worry about it, you can go.”

At this point, I just wanted him to leave, so I kept saying it was okay, and I actually told him to leave.  He finally left.  But then he came back to look at a folder or something, and then left.

After that, I told my manager what he had said and we both became suspicious of him, so I called our security and told them to keep an eye on that guy.

I basically came to the conclusion that the guy did steal something but he was using this ruse and us saying it’s “okay” as a justification for stealing whatever he had stolen OR stealing whatever he was planning on stealing.

He would just not drop it, and would not leave.  He’s been stewing on this for at least 3 days’ worth of time, and its so obvious this guy has some weird mental problem.

 

To Hell With Your Month-Long Holidays!

I hope its not just me, but I find it unbelievably pretentious to name a whole month after a super-specific idea.  It pisses me off every time we hit Black History Month.  Excuse me, I think that month is actually called FEBRUARY.  Sorry if I don’t think your stupid cancer awareness or asian pacific heritage deserves one twelfth of the year to be devoted to your seemingly important cause.

These kinds of holidays should only be allowed to claim one day or at most one week of the year.  There are 365 days.  Pick ONE of those, you greedy assholes.  I hear there’s a bunch of days in August where nothing happens, how about one of those?  Why do I have to hear about your sanctimonious bullshit for a whole god damn month?  We get it.  You want us to learn about you. Wah wah cry me a river.  Why don’t you go do something meaningful with your time rather than parading around saying “OH IT’S CANCER AWARENESS MONTH!”

Shit.  I wasn’t aware of cancer.  But I sure as hell am now considering there’s a whole fucking month named after it.  HOORAY!

Just looking at the list of month long holidays on Wikipedia, I’m astounded half of them exist.  Here’s a current list of stupid bullshit month-long holidays:

American Heart Month • Asian Pacific American Heritage Month • Black History Month • Cancer Control Month • Child Abuse Prevention Month • Confederate History Month • Gay and Lesbian Pride Month • Jewish American Heritage Month • National Breast Cancer Awareness Month • National Disability Employment Awareness Month • National Hispanic Heritage Month • National Nutrition Month • Ramadan • Steelmark Month • Women’s History Month

I’m giving you the big FU to all of it.  I am now founding “I Hate Month-Long Holidays” Year — and it’ll be the whole year long every year until the rest of time.  How do you like that????

It’s also amazing to me that you only care about preventing child abuse one month out of the year, but the rest of the time its a-okay (unless you get caught)!

 

“Katy Perry – Firework” Breakdown

This entry is part 4 of 13 in the series Dave's Breakdown

I don’t know if it’s just me or not but Katy Perry’s Firework song is strange.  Not only does comparing yourself to a 2-second burst of light that is simply forgotten (honestly, do you remember every firework you’ve seen?) a terrible way to try and influence teenage girls into having self-esteem about themselves or whatever, but there’s a completely different way to look at this song.

It’s about a huge penis.  A penis that Katy Perry is sucking and is blowing its load all over her face.  To make my point clear, I’ll point out all the parts of the song where it can be taken as such in this edition of Dave’s Breakdown.

“Do you ever feel/Like a plastic bag/Drifting through the wind/Wanting to start again

Obviously this “plastic bag” is a condom.  The guy that Katy Perry is blowing has blown his load already and Katy Perry has slapped off this condom so she can get the full taste.  She “wants to start again,” after all.

“Do you ever feel/Feel so paper-thin/Like a house of cards/One blow from caving in”

They’ve been at it for so long that both parties are simply exhausted, however they’re still going to go at it cause Katy Perry has a huge rack and its impossible to get unhorny during sex with her.  So, one more “blow” and they’re about to cave in and pass out from exhaustion.

“Do you ever feel/Already buried deep/Six feet under/Screams but no one seems to hear a thing”

Six feet under buried under a mountain of cum, it seems like.  “Screams” because she’s orgasmed like 15 times already.

“Do you know that there’s/Still a chance for you/‘Cause there’s a spark in you/You just gotta”

Even though they’ve had sex like 15 times already, there’s still a little bit of cum inside this penis.  Gotta make it 16, after all.

“Ignite the light/And let it shine/Just own the night/Like the Fourth of July”

“The light” being the huge penis, of course.  Let it shine, like sunlight in your face.

“‘Cause baby, you’re a firework/Come on show them what you’re worth/Make them go, “Oh, oh, oh”/As you shoot across the sky”

Cause the penis is like a firework and is exploding across Katy Perry’s face.  Obviously she’s going “oh oh oh” cause she’s having sex, and once the guy is about to cum she takes the penis out of her mouth and then the cum shoots across the sky, onto her face.

“Baby, you’re a firework/Come on let your colors burst/Make them go, “Oh, oh, oh”/You’re gonna leave before they know”

So, we know this guy is a firework cause he’s blowing up.  And his “colors bursting” is obviously his oddly colored semen.  And he’s gonna leave before someone knows he was there because they shouldn’t be doing what they’re doing (uh oh!)

“You don’t have to feel/Like a waste of space/You’re original/Cannot be replaced”

Basically this means this huge penis is so nice and big that she could never want another.

“If you only knew/What the future holds/After a hurricane/Comes a rainbow”

The hurricane is in Katy Perry’s vagina with a huge penis storm.  After that, a rainbow from this guy’s penis into Katy Perry’s mouth, like a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

“Maybe the reason why/All the doors are closed/So you could open one/That leads you to the perfect …”

So I guess they closed all the doors so no one would see them fucking, and the only one open is the bathroom so they can have sex in the shower too.  And that is probably the preferred method of sex for her since it “leads you to the perfect.”

“Like a lightning bolt/Your heart will glow/And when it’s time you know/You just gotta”

Meaning you just gotta cum on her face.

“Ignite the light/And let it shine/Just own the night/Like the Fourth of July”

“Turn on the light, I want to see the huge penis in the light now, and just fuck me like you did on July 4”

“Boom, boom, boom”

This is the penis slapping into Katy Perry’s vagina hole and/or mouth.  Maybe ass, if she’s into that.

“Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon”

It’s bright because it got into her eye and she can’t see anything but white.

“It’s always been inside of you, you, you/And now it’s time to let it through”

“It” being the cum and its coming out and onto her face.

In conclusion Katy Perry has a huge rack and everything she sings is about sex.

 

Mr. P-yooson

Mr. P-yooson is a math teacher where davepoobond went to high school.

Mr. P-yooson is a big basketball fan of the Lakers, and never wears deodorant.  You can always smell him as he grinds his teeth and walks past you.  He may not acknowledge your existence as he walks past you, but its hard to not acknowledge his when he triggers more than just your sense of sight.

Mr. P-yooson’s nickname to some is “The Human Knife” and could very well pass off as a Bill Gates look-a-like.