Bad Submission #18958

This form was submitted: Feb 26 2005 / 06:49:44

name = kelly AKA kitty kat
bjoke = i waz ova my blondes friends house when i go hey i brought ove sum scatch and sniff stickes wanna c them ……she goes sure .lets take em’ to the pool with us so we can swim to!
so when we get into the pool and she sais my favorite flavor is watermelon …….find a sticker that smells like watermellon !
after i found one she gets excited but i dropped it at the bottom of the pool ….. she goes thats ok , swims to the bottom of the pool and smells it !!!!!!!!!i never heard from her again !


The Holiday List Submission

This form was submitted:  Oct 04 2003 / 18:17:57

name = Go Smoke A Toilet
type = The Squackle Holiday Calendar
title = Holidays
submission = Ok, first a note to Dave:  Sorry I didn’t send all those dates in a bulk submission.  Well, now I am!  So here’s all those dates that made your mailbox freeze or something last time.  Well, here they are.  Hope they’re messed up enough to actually make it onto the calendar.

1/2 – National End A Romance Day
1/4 – National Leave A Dance Before It’s Ended Day
1/7 – National First Dance Ever Day
1/8 – National Elvis Presley Day
1/11 – National Socializing Day
1/17 – National Co-Deejay A Dance Day
1/28 – National Freak Out About A Presentation Day
1/30 – National Plunge Yourself Into Oblivion Freaking Out About The Regents Day
2/1 – National Hate High School Day
2/6 – National Grandmas’ Birthdays Day
2/8 – National Dance Failure Day
2/9 – National Dance Underachievement Day
2/10 – National 210 day
2/22 – National Realize You Have An Elderly Relative And Talk To Them Day
3/16 – National Get Your Braces On Day
3/19 – National Cancel A Field Trip Day
3/22 – National Good Disco Dance Day
3/23 – National Not Good Disco Dance Day
4/1 – National Play A Prank On Someone Day (oh wait…that’s April Fools’ Day…nevermind)
4/12 (Fridays only) – National Go To School And Find Out There’s Not A Dance When You Thought There Was Day
4/16 – National Hot Mammas’ Birthday Day
4/29 – National Hate Your Current (Non) Romance Life Day
4/31 – National Non-Existance Day
5/5 – National Lose A Tooth Day
5/12 – National Have Your First Slow Dance Day
5/21 – National Freak Out About Your Junior Prom Day
5/22 – National Junior Prom Day
6/1 – National Your Crush’s Birthday Day
6/11 – National Piano Recital Day
6/17 – National Female Friends’ Birthday Day
6/19 – National End Your Piano Lessons Day
6/24 – National High School Graduation Day
6/29 – National Stop Downloading Music Day
6/30 – National Bad Sports’ Day
7/3 – National Be Proud Of The House You Live In Day
7/5 – National Wedding Anniversary Day
7/7 – National Pee In A Pool Day
7/8 – National Be Ticked Off At Your Orthodontists Day
7/10 – National Siblings’ Birthdays Day
7/12 – National Father’s Birthday Day
7/17 – National Pets’ Birthdays Day
7/25 – National Feel Good About Yourself Day
7/29 – National Aunts’ Birthdays Day
8/1 – National First Date Day
8/12 – National Get Your Braces Off Day
8/14 – My birthday
8/17 – National Get High-Speed Internet Day
9/6 – National HAM Radio Day
9/17 – National Grandpas’ Birthdays Day
9/22 – National Lifelong Friend’s Birthday Day
9/25 – National Uncles’ Birthdays Day
10/2 – National Get In Trouble With The Principal For The First Time In Your Entire School Career Day
10/4 – National Message Received Day
10/5 – National Drive For The First Time Day
10/6 – National Have Your Last Slow Dance Day
10/11 – National Homecoming Dance Day
10/21 – National PSATs Day
10/25 – National Saturday Detention Day
10/26 – National See Your Crush With Someone Else Day
11/1 – National Absolutely Terrible Dance Day
11/5 – National Friends’ Parents’ Wedding Anniversary Day
11/7 – National Hope You Deejay The Dance You Want To Day
11/25 – National Become A Vegetarian Day
12/2 – National Male Friends’ Birthday Day
12/10 – National Mother’s Birthday Day
12/15 (Fridays only) – National Have Two Slow Dances In One Night Day
12/25 (Yes, I know this is Christmas, but that doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate another day along with the holiday that occurs on the day you’re celebrating your day on) – National Hate A Toy Day
12/31 (See previous comments about the two-holiday-in-one-day thing) – National Gear Yourself Up For Another Year Day

Another Note To Dave:  I understand if you don’t put all of these dates up.  It’d probably be too much work.  But please try to get some of these up.  I hope this submission isn’t too long for you to recieve.  Thanks again.

– Go Smoke A Toilet

P.S.  If you decide to put only one date up to annoy me or something (or just hate me, lol), please put up my birthday (either you can scroll up and painstakingly look through the huge list of all of my (hopefully not) insignificant dates with which I burdened you (and you probably didn’t want them in the first place), or you can simply look at the next three numbers:  8/14).  Thanks.

P.P.S.  What happened to my bad IM submissions?

P.P.P.S.  When do you usually come online?

P.P.P.P.S.  Ha ha.  Look at all the P’s.  Pee.  Ha ha.  Pee pee pee pee.  Ha ha.  Peeing feels good.  Ha ha.

P.P.P.P.P.S. Are you really reading all this?

P.P.P.P.P.P.S.  I can’t believe I actually spent all this time writing this letter.  You probably won’t even include this on the Squackle™ site (which I might add is the best site I’ve come across on the Internet so far).

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S.  Oh well.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S.  Bye.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S.  I hope I’m not annoying you.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S.  Did I break the record for the longest submission to Squackle™?  I hope I did.  Oh well.  I guess you’ll tell me via IM or something.  Anyways, this is the end of the submission.  You can wake up now.  WAKE UP, DAVE!!!!!!!!!!!  Ahem.  So glad to have you back, Dave.  Have you ever been joked about in relation to 2001:  A Space Odyssey, Dave?  I wouldn’t do that if I were you, Dave.  I haven’t actually seen the movie, but I might.  So I don’t really know any good HAL jokes, but I do know that it was a suicidal computer.  Well, this really is the TOTAL, complete, full, and undoubtable end to this submission.  Bye.


HEX Mode on the Calculator

People somewhat smarter than me may know what the HEX mode on a calculator is used for.  However, I don’t fucking understand it.  I just find it hilarious.  So, I thought it would be infinitely amusing to list a bunch of stupid shit I got while messing around with HEX mode.

Here it is!

In HEX Mode on the calculator…

b * c = 84

a * e = 8C


def * 2 = 1bde

b00 * 8 = 5800

bc / 6 = 1F

1F * 4 = 7C

7C – 3 = 79

79 * 4 = 1E4

cafe + 5 = Cb03

bed + 7 = bF4

bF4 + 7 = bFb

9 / b = 0

77 / F = 7

98b + 5 = 990

990 / 98 = 10

12 / 9 = 2

58 * 2 = b0

65 / 6 = 10

65 / 9 = b


Hate Mail #18863: A Letter From Simona

Hello Dave,

I wrote to you two years ago regarding an entry on your dictionary on The entry is “<censored>“.

I have a huge sense of humour (even though I’m Italian) but I do really think this description on Internet could defame my husband’s name.

So…would you please to remove it soon or do I have to feel seriously motivated to sue you and your blogsite to the Authorities?

Please, let me know. I’m not joking, this time!


davepoobond’s response:


Sorry, but I never received your initial e-mail 2 years ago. It was probably hotmail’s spam filter that ate it.

Thank you for threatening me with legal/authoritical action.

The fact is that “<censored>” is probably not even the <censored> that you are married to unless he is the also akin to Harry Potter.

I will, however, take the name off since because you have supposedly taken offense to it. Know that I am not the one who came up with the word, so you should find out who hates your husband.

Thanks for being a repeat visitor!