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Squacklecast Episode 19 – “The 18th 15th Anniversary Special Edition”

October 18th, 2014 Posted in Media, The Squacklecast 1 Comment »

This entry is part 19 of 19 in the series The Squacklecast

October 18 is Squackle’s Anniversary!!!!!!!!  It is now 15 years old!!!!  Holy shit, does anyone even care???

As a special celebration, special guest and special friend of Squackle.com, Charlie Sheen is with us today for a special Squacklecast!

The following is also talked about:

Halloween and Halloween movies.  We go over Rotten Tomatoes’ list of Halloween movies.

Great Pumpkin

South Park’s newest season.

Black Dynamite was mentioned.

Old Cartoons, like Wacky Races, and other 60’s/70’s-era cartoons, as well as Tom & Jerry.

Tom & Jerry was recently remade, if you weren’t aware, so we started talking about bringing back older cartoons as new series, such as:

The 2011 Thundercats. Masters of the Universe the movie and that newer Masters of the Universe show.

If I could bring back a show for a reboot, it would be Street Sharks.   Make it live action!!  WHY NOT.  Swat Kats would also be cool, wouldn’t it?

Street Sharks

Street Sharks

Or rebooting Reboot.

We also dote upon the history of wiping after pooping.

The Random Wikipedia Article of the day is this thing:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Sindhi_festivals

Also, kids in movies (and life) suck.

I Hate Children

I Hate Children

 

Mauvais sang is one of those movies we watched in film class.

We also review our current Netflix Queues and how we tackle our movie viewing schedules.

Thanks ya’ll!  15 years down the drain.  Here’s to the next 15 years.

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Squacklecast Episode 18 – “Leaked Avengers Comic Con Video”

August 2nd, 2014 Posted in The Squacklecast No Comments »

This entry is part 18 of 19 in the series The Squacklecast

This episode we talk about that LEAKED AVENGERS COMIC CON VIDEO you have heard all about!!!!!

There’s also talk of Guardians of the Galaxy, movies from 1995, and several other fantastic things, like all of the things you see in the following pictures:

guardians-galaxy-650-430 Internet_in_1995_1 Nicole-Kidman-Batman-Forever-promo-shoot-nicole-kidman-and-naomi-watts-aussie-bffs-15062945-618-768

See you next time!!!!

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Squacklecast Episode 17 – “Sexy Asian Girl Feet”

June 7th, 2014 Posted in The Squacklecast 1 Comment »

This entry is part 17 of 19 in the series The Squacklecast

This episode we talk about sexy Asians and how cute their feet are.  We also talk about all of these hot Asian girls in this post here:

sexyasiangirls

Sexy Asian Girl

Sexy Asian Girl

Sexy Asian Girl Feet

Sexy Asian Girl Feet

 

Sexy Asian Girl 2

Sexy Asian Girl 2

And we talk about X-Men: Days of Future Past.

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Squacklecast Episode 16 – “The 1.5 Year Hiatus”

March 29th, 2014 Posted in The Squacklecast No Comments »

This entry is part 16 of 19 in the series The Squacklecast

Welcome to what could be said is “Season 2″ of the Squacklecast!

The main things to link here are:

 

We talked about lots of other stuff, like:

The Coachella line up.

Facebook buying Oculus

The Avengers, X-Men, and Spider-Man movies, as well as the DC comic book properties.

There’s toooo many Whedon’s on my lawn!

See ya guys next year!

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Squacklecast Episode 15 – “Crappy Movies Under the Stars”

September 30th, 2012 Posted in The Squacklecast 1 Comment »

This entry is part 15 of 19 in the series The Squacklecast

Hey folks!  We’re back after a mini-hiatus.  We failed at coaxing our only previous guest from attending this podcast, so we catch up with the freelancing gig I’m doing tomorrow instead.

And it looks like its going to be a disaster!  Just like the rest of this week’s episode… full of technical problems!  Technically the problem is davepoobond.  (Get it?)

Billy watched The Dark Knight Returns, Part 2.

Total Recall (the new one) sucked balls.  I didn’t see it yet, but its just an example of dumbing down and mainstreaming the source content for no apparent reason.

Len Wiseman is a terrible director.  Fuck that guy.  He’s going to ruin the Mummy reboot, just like he ruined Total Recall.

The new Mummy should be in space.

Guess I know what’s going on my shelf in the near future!

 

Total Recall: My Unbelievably True Life Story

Wouldn’t you do Red Sonja back in the day?

Brigitte Nielsen as Red Sonja

What about Maria Shriver?

Maria Shriver Looks Like Predator

I think I know which Arnold Schwarzenegger movie counterpart I’d do.  And that would be the predator — that mouth is so sexy.

Deep Space Nine introduces a character named Vic Fontaine halfway through Season 6.  There is… A LOT of singing.  For no apparent reason.  They just hang out there a lot for no particular reason.

Vic Fontaine

They couldn’t think of anything better?

iPhone 5 came out this past week.  Did I get one?  No.  Will I get one?  Maybe.  The maps suck on it though.

iPhone 5

Who woulda thought upgrading to iOS 6 Maps would be about as useful as that Fox News app?

Who’s going to make the world’s first nutritional supplement replicator?  Apple or Google?

I say Apple.

First thing I’m going to do with that new Replicator thinger is replicate some alcohol to put in my piss and sell it.

So, how much would you pay for the Crappy Movies Under the Stars Film Festival?  HMMMMM???

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Squacklecast Episode 14 – “An Eternity of Dog Food Commercials”

August 26th, 2012 Posted in The Squacklecast No Comments »

This entry is part 14 of 19 in the series The Squacklecast

Welcome to the “try-weekly” episode of the Squacklecast.  This week we talk about this super sappy and emotional dog food commercial that will make anyone have a tear come to their eye because they’ve been puking their guts out at how much it makes you sick:

Another thing, is that they’re preparing Mac and Cheese for this asshole hours before he even gets home.

Imagine getting out of your car one day, closing the door, and seeing a huge dog all of a sudden appear in front of you.

Mean Dog

OH SHIT!

Wouldn’t you like to live forever?  It would give you enough time to finish off all of the Star Trek series before passing onto the next world, after all.

If there’s one, two, or three movies you need to see before you die, it would be the 3 Ninjas series, with High Noon at Mega Mountain being the best.

It features a dangerous course full of fire built by a decrepit old man for his grandsons.  I think that constitutes as child endangerment.  Good thing he dies.  Whoops, spoiler.

Surf Ninjas was pretty awesome too.  Here’s the others we were talking about:

Santa’s Slay

Santa with Muscles

ThanksKilling

Next Squacklecast, we’ll talk about more movies on our Netflix queues…

What I learned from World of Warcraft is:  “You don’t have something until you have it.”  It’s a life lesson.  Or something.

Ras Al Ghul from Batman Begins became an eco-terrorist with his eternity of time to live.

Total Recall (the real one) foretells a time of three-titted babes on Mars.  I can’t wait to live there during my fifth lifetime.

Curiosity is just using Instagram filters to take its pictures of Mars.  Behold.

Before Instagram (aka before being cool):

Curiosity Taking a Picture of Mars

After Instagram (aka now its cool):

Curiosity Taking an Instagram of Mars

Facebook City?  Also known as Las Vegas…

Jonathan Frakes kind of overacts during his “Riker-focused” episodes in Star Trek.  Here’s a select few where he’s always trying to bang a chick, a job once reserved for a Captain, now given to the Second-in-Command.:

See you guys next month!!!  GET ITTTT???!?!?!?

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Squacklecast Episode 13 – “About the Olympics or Something”

August 12th, 2012 Posted in The Squacklecast No Comments »

This entry is part 13 of 19 in the series The Squacklecast

The Squacklecast is back from yet another hiatus to recap the Olympics!  Well, only some parts of it.

The best highlight of the Olympics?  Of course that goes to Carmelo Anthony receiving a nut punch.

Soccer on the international level is grade A bullshit.  No wonder the whole world loves it because they’re a bunch of fucking idiots.  America doesn’t like soccer because its fucking dumb!!!!

Ryan Lochte is a good looking guy… and then he opens his mouth…

And this is the Funny or Die we mentioned.  I didn’t think it was that great, but it serves to illustrate our point about Mr. Lochte.

This Danny Boyle guy should never touch another Olympic event ever.

Spice World is a great campy movie.  It has a lot of popular cameos of famous UK actors/singers.

It From the Pit will be a new Olympics game, I can feel it.

It From the Pit Box

The Pile Driver with the guy’s face in the other guy’s underwear.

Pile Driver In Underwear

The 2012 Icons are pretty shitty.  They should just put words instead of stupid stick figures, wouldn’t you say?

2012 Olympic Sports Logos-

Well, that’s that!  Finally we can get back to our normal programming on NBC that I already don’t watch.

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Squacklecast Episode 12 – “It’s Not a Car. It’s a Squacklecast.”

July 23rd, 2012 Posted in The Squacklecast No Comments »

This entry is part 12 of 19 in the series The Squacklecast

BE ADVISED:  THERE ARE DARK KNIGHT RISES SPOILERS IN THIS PODCAST!  DO NOT PLAY IT IF YOU CARE TO WATCH THE MOVIE

This week we talk about Dark Knight Rises!

IT’S NOT A CAR!!!!

Dark Knight Rises took a couple of queue’s from the 1960’s Batman for the main “threat” apparently…

Bane’s computer of choice is the flipscreen netbook.  Not really that impressive or futuristic…

Flip Netbook

Dark Knight Rises… wait a minute, I’ve seen this movie before… its just Rocky III!

Why didn’t the ships in Star Trek just launch warp cores as weapons instead of puny photon torpedoes?

That was the best video I could find of Star Trek explosions.

That’s all for this week, folks!  If you’d like to be on next week’s podcast, let us know!

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Squacklecast Episode 11 – “Team Cruise vs. Team Jesus”

June 30th, 2012 Posted in The Squacklecast No Comments »

This entry is part 11 of 19 in the series The Squacklecast

Hey everyone!  Did you like the new rap song I made?  Dinosaur Habitat and DJ Davy A are my alternate nicknames for music creation.

Anyway, this week we scratch the surface of the Katie Holmes/Tom Cruise marriage split!

5 Years is a long time for a marriage that wasn’t going to work.

Just what the hell is scientology?  Something that breaks apart marriages, obviously (see above).  That’s all I could understand from the Wikipedia article.

What is Scientology?

Mormonism?  You get your own planet?  I don’t know if that’s right…

In heaven, everyone wears these awesome fire kicks:

Fire Kicks

Rock of Ages lost money, no shocker there.

Tom Cruise a short lumpy lookin guy, huh?

SmallTom

Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder

Who wouldn’t want to watch the chaos that ensues around Katie Holmes life when there’s a boring reality show about Clint Eastwood’s wife and daughter, not even with him in it.

Ringer was canceled after a season.

Jim Carrey dropped out of the Farrelly brother’s latest movie.  Wait, how do you say Farrelly?  Peter Far-LEE? Bobby Far-Re-Lee?

Magic Mike makes male stripping look cool…?

More Tyler Perry bashing this week.  Wait, someone recorded that Madea bullshit as stage plays and thought it was good enough to make it into a movie?  They couldn’t see that it was shitty before they spent money on making it?

Fur-assic Park is my Jurassic Park parody.

Anne Frank: Not Remembered Too Well is the first movie featuring the grandpa from the Fur-assic Park movie.

Who said anything about DATING Katie Holmes?  I’d just do her and call it a life.

Katie Holmes

Buff Bagwell will be my choice to play Tom Cruise on the made-for-TV movie about Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise.

Buff Bagwell

See ya next week!

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Squacklecast Episode 10 – “The Art of Covering Shifts”

June 23rd, 2012 Posted in The Squacklecast No Comments »

This entry is part 10 of 19 in the series The Squacklecast

This week we become overly insensitive assholes (moreso than usual?  Or maybe not at all!) and lambast a girl over the 70+ e-mails that she has sent out in the past 6 months regarding shift covers.  It is truly an art form in itself when you have TO GUILT TRIP YOUR WHOLE DEPARTMENT INTO COVERING SHIFTS FOR YOU.  Not to mention it is your “second” job which only gives you at most 4 to 8 hours a week!

There aren’t that many trailers or pictures that apply to this week’s podcast, so here’s a link to the pictures section so you can laugh while you laugh.

This is the real cancer we were talking about, obviously:

Cancer Constellation

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Squacklecast Episode 9 – “We Make Them Only to Kill Them”

June 18th, 2012 Posted in The Squacklecast No Comments »

This entry is part 9 of 19 in the series The Squacklecast

Summer movies are in full swing, and this time we take a look at Prometheus as well as the upcoming summer schedule of movies.  Its a big year for super heroes but not much else to get excited about.

WARNING: THERE ARE SOME PROMETHEUS SPOILERS!  You can skip to about a third of the way through and skip all the Prometheus stuff if you care.

Prometheus is a film that raises more questions than answers, like:  “Why would you kill Charlize Theron?” and “Why didn’t we see that scene with Charlize getting it up the butt from the big black dude?”

And there’s also all that hullabaloo about the origins of man and the beginnings of the Xenomorphs, but that’s all secondary.

Inception noise?  Meet your match:  PROMETHEUS NOISE!

Adam Sandler is intentionally making shitty movies.  Its the only explanation.  He just needs to stick with family comedies and dramatic movies, apparently.

This summer has a list of movies it wants to murder, and its gotten a few of them already:

Battleship: Sunk

The Dictator: Assassinated

Dark Shadows: Black Eye

Chernobyl Diaries: Nuked

Prometheus: Hospitalized (In the baby ward)

That’s My Boy: Murdered

Rock of Ages: Murdered

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter: Pending Assassination

Brave is another one of those Pixar movies that I’ll probably just hate.  I hate more Pixar movies than I do like them, apparently.

Owen Wilson:  I don’t like his voice, and I don’t like his face.

Finding Nemo had the worst characters of any Pixar movie ever.

The Good Dinosaur is probably just The Good Shepherd but with real dinosaurs, not people you could call dinosaurs.

Its actually worse than that.  It has Lil’ Wayne in it.

Pixar has an impressively boring list of upcoming movies.

Magic Mike has Channing Tatum in it.  Like, OH EM GEE.

Directed by Steven Soderbergh, no less.

How does Tyler Perry keep making movies?  He’s like Adam Sandler but successful.

Katy Perry: Part of Me: Pending Stage Collapse

Savages: Dead on Arrival

Step Up Revolution: Someone Will Step Down (In the government.  Get it? Revolution?  Government?  Step Down?)

The Watch: Legally murdered.  Maybe.

Total Recall: Unfortunate Death Due to Lack of References.  Please resubmit an application.

Expendables 2: Expendable (get it?)

ParaNorman: Already Dead

Resident Evil: Retribution: Been Dead

Sean Bean: Died 20+ times.  Save Sean Bean!

That’s it for this week, folks.  Hope you like our rudimentary coverage of what’s to come for this summer in the movies.

If you want to be on the Squacklecast, let us know!  We can schedule you for an interview and you can hang out with us for an hour.

-~-

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Squacklecast Episode 8 – “Wait Till We Do a Number 9″

June 4th, 2012 Posted in The Squacklecast No Comments »

This entry is part 8 of 19 in the series The Squacklecast

We have a guest this week!  It’s Daniel, the guy that went to the strawberry festival last week.  We put him on the grill and insult his decision for going to the strawberry festival along with his weird two-headed friend, Lucy the Two-Headed Goosey.

Did you have a half naked wannabe Hulk running around during your visit to the theater during The Avengers?  Did he look as bad as this guy who used industrial paint and had to take 20 baths in two days to try to get it off?

Wannabehulk

http://www.strawberryfestival.org/

What have we become? A never ending http://www.strawberryfestival.org/ ad for the http://www.strawberryfestival.org/ Strawberry Festival? http://www.strawberryfestival.org/

In honor of the Zombie Apocalypse, AMC is starting a new show called…

AMC Bath Salts

Zombie Apocalypse 2012:

Guy eating someone’s face off in Florida.

Guy eating his roommates brain in Maryland.

Get off my computer, Jamie Oliver.  You’re not a chemist.  You’re just an asshole.

Silly Jaime Oliver, we shouldn’t be throwing away perfectly edible food.  We should at least ship it off to Africa!

McDonalds used to be a value.  Now they try to sell you everything in bulk so that there is the same perceived value as what was once known as the Dollar Menu.

100 McNuggets

Only 20 bucks!

That new Coldplay song is pretty bad.  It doesn’t even sound like a Coldplay song.

Rihanna looks dumb.  Please remove her from my music and movies.

Rihanna Looks Dumb

Carly Rae Jepsen?  Who stepped in what?  Yet another terrible song for your listening pleasure:

The Sky Is The Limit must be gay code for anal sex.  So is “funnel cake.”

#1 – Piss

#2 – Poo

#3 – Poop and Pee at the same time.

#4 – Poo, Pee, and a Yak (a barf).  Mostly done by bulimics and people who don’t feel very good.

#5 – Opening up your intestine and chopping up parts and throwing it at police (Zombies gotta poop somehow)

The newer Dawn of the Dead introduced running zombies.  Is it really that much weirder than the idea of zombies in the first place?

[Rec] was a “demonic infestation” sort of zombie thing rather than a virus or reanimated corpses due to magic/radiation.   By the way, that was a spoiler.

Want to hire screamers with 13 dB yells or higher to make movies seem more scary than they are.  Apply at the offices of William Castle.

Screamer

Facebook and Mark Zuckerburg jokes are so funny.

The real #5 – Peeing inside someone.  A whole #1, while penetrating them.

#6 – Same thing as #5 but taking a shit on them instead.

#7 – Forced ejaculation

#8 – Vegetables in orifices, coming out.

The #1 (pun intended) defense against Zombies is making a house out of sugary treats.

GingerBread House

#9 – You don’t even need a can opener.  You just peel it back and drop that shit in, then you turn it to medium heat and stir it.

#10 – Strawberry sauce/Period Juice on your Hot Dog.

#11 – “Painting the porta potty.”  The paintbrush is your dick and the porta potty is a person’s ass.

X Squared – all of the above

Boy that was a great one, huh, guys?  Who knows what’s going to happen next week!

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Squacklecast Episode 7 – “FUCK the Strawberry Festival!”

May 26th, 2012 Posted in The Squacklecast No Comments »

This entry is part 7 of 19 in the series The Squacklecast

This week we watched Chernobyl Diaries, a movie about a bunch of college kids going to Russia to dick around and take Instagrams of ruined buildings and put them in meaningless filters so that they can show off to their friends.  They also bring their crazy knife-wielding soccer coach along for the lulz.

Chernobyl Diaries has an old zombie lady masturbating in a closet in an attic of one of the buildings.  Gross!

Too much Carrie Underwood and Colbie Caillat in Chernobyl Diaries for my taste.  It’s almost like a boring wedding video.

This is the knife that the soccer coach had.

Cool Knife

Why does Will Smith like making sequels to movies 10 years after the fact?  It’s not like he was doing anything that important in the mean time between movies.  If he’s going to make a shitty movie, he might as well make it while it is still relevant.

Bad Boys (1995) -> Bad Boys II (2003) = 8 years

Men in Black II (2002) -> Men In Black III (2012) = 10 years

I, Robot (2004) -> I, Robot 2 (currently 2015) = ~11 years

Hologram Tupac takes the forefront in Men In Black III, don’t be fooled by the trailers.  They’re pulling a Metal Gear Solid 2 on us.

Ali 2 will be Will Smith walking around with Parkinson’s until he either cures it or dies from it, made in 2018.

Independence Day 2 or even 3?  Welcome to URF again in 10 years!

 

Jeff Goldblum and Will Smith shitting on their White House and blowing up alien landmarks.  How do you like that, mother fuckers!?  Aliens getting shit on all the time!

Kind of sounds like Avatar

Avatar 2 is gonna be at the bottom of the ocean.  Or something.  You heard it here first, Jeff Goldblum is in Avatar 2.

On the flip side of things, Prometheus looks like it’ll be a good movie.

AVP and AVP 2 are no bueno.

Mortal Kombat: Legacy was terrible.  You should watch it.  It was directed by that guy that did Fame.

Street Fighter and The Legend of Chun-Li had it right — only have a story about one character, not 35 million characters at the same time.  That’s about the only thing they did right, and the rest of it was so wrong it was right.

Paul W.S. Anderson is the poor man’s Michael Bay.  And obviously not as good looking.

Dead Or Alive is one of Paul W.S. Anderson’s travesties.  But at least that is better than any of Uwe Boll‘s movies.

The Island is a less classy version of Never Let Me Go.

George Lucas would probably go back into the Star Wars movies and remove Ewan MacGregor’s beauty marks just so that it is consistent through all of the movies.

Kind of something like this:

Ewan MacGregor After George Lucas Had His Way With Him

Ewan MacGregor After George Lucas Had His Way With Him

 

And most of all, FUCK THE STRAWBERRY FESTIVAL!

Did you hear they banned plastic bags in LA?  Fuck that shit!  How am I supposed to line my little trash cans?

Everything is going to be made from the blood of trees now.

The Middle East is just a big fucking desert, who cares what happens to the environment there.  No one freakin lives there anyway.  So let’s toss all of our unused plastic bags into it.

Gobi Plastic Desert

See you guys next week! :licky:

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Squacklecast Episode 6 – “Mermaid Off the Port Bow!”

May 19th, 2012 Posted in The Squacklecast 1 Comment »

This entry is part 6 of 19 in the series The Squacklecast

Whoa, did we miss another week?  Sorry ya’ll, but this week we’ll take a look at The Little Mermaid, Snow White, and how they’re both kind of crappy movies.  The reason why we’re even bothering?  Because Billy never watched it before last week!

The Evil Queen should have put Snow White into a sleeper hold and then shot her.

Sleeper Hold-

Little Mermaid run time – 83 minutes

Snow White run time – 83 minutes

D:

Who would do a credit for “Birds”?  Purv Pullen, of course.

Bedtime for Bonzo… a movie with Ronald Reagan and a chimpanzee!  I’d guess its a movie about killing a lab chimpanzee from the title.

Squackle Film Festival, with Troll 2 to begin and to end!  Also featuring Strange Saga of Hiroshi the Sex Machine and Hooking Up.  More movies to be announced at a later date.

Wouldn’t YOU like to penetrate the Little Mermaid?

Little Mermaid

Sebastian is just a scrotum with a huge penis coming out of it along with pincers.  A dick with pincers, even.

Sebastien

Ariel would qualify for being an episode of Hoarders.

TWO new Snow White movies?  Whyyyyy?  Number 1.  Number 2.

Who the fuck is that guy in the mirror?  It must be Zordon.

Zordon!

Mirror Mirror on the wall...

The fairest one of all?

The Fairest One of All

By Janny Northman

WHO PUT A DICK IN THIS BOX?

The Evil Queen's Box Has a Dick In It-

Whatever you do, don’t search for “Little Mermaid Hentai…”

Will it be two weeks or next week that we do the next podcast?  No one knows.

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Squacklecast Episode 5 – “We’re Back! An Avenger’s Story”

May 6th, 2012 Posted in The Squacklecast No Comments »

This entry is part 5 of 19 in the series The Squacklecast

We’re back!  Sorry for the no-podcast-last-week thing.  Hope you didn’t miss us too much.  This week, the summer blockbuster The Avengers is talked about in great detail.

Strongly be advised that this week’s podcast has spoilers about The Avengers!!

My shoe is bigger than this car!  (Expendables 2 Trailer)

We touch upon the similarities The Avengers has with Battleship

and Transformers 3

They must be copying and pasting all those city-wide destruction scenes from each other.

Jeremy Renner was a good bad guy in The Avengers, but not as good at being bad as in SWAT.

Did YOU know there was another Hemsworth?  I didn’t.

Why I don’t like Mark Ruffalo as Hulk?  This quote:

Mark Ruffalo describes Bruce Banner as “a guy struggling with two sides of himself, the dark and the light; everything he does in his life is filtered through issues of control.” He furthermore describes Banner’s alter ego the Hulk as “a loose cannon – he’s the teammate none of them are sure they want, it’s like throwing a grenade into the middle of the group and hoping it turns out well!”

Great analysis of your character, now tell us something we don’t all know.  He’s a loose cannon?  For chrissakes can’t you think of something more interesting to say?

Eric Banna’s Hulk vs. Edward Norton’s The Incredible Hulk

Columbo vs. Perry Mason GO

That Thanos guy looks a lot like Darkseid.

Saving Captain America

Liam Neeson as Liam Neeson in The Avengers 2.

and also Maverick and Iceman.

It’s my money and I need it now!  Cause I’m BACK!

And if you don’t know the reference in the episode title, here it is.

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