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Loading ...Quote #14888
“Exactly as promised. Delivery on the promised day. I will return for more presents for my wife. Best regards”
– from the Internet
Joke #13260
HUSBAND #1: “Is your wife having any success learning to drive?”
HUSBAND #2: “Some. Now the road is beginning to turn at the same time she decides to.”
Joke #13259
HUSBAND #1: “How long did it take you to teach your wife how to drive?”
HUSBAND #2: “Oh, about three and a half cars.”
Joke #13236
JUDGE: “Why did you hit your wife with a baseball bat, Mr. Tupper?”
TUPPER: “Because I couldn’t find my hockey stick.”
Joke #13232
PRISONER 2369076: “You mean to say you’re in jail because you’re very sentimental?”
PRISONER 7230964: “Yep! I put my wife’s picture on the 10-dollar bills I was making.”
Joke #13231
JUDGE: “Mr. Jonas, after hearing all the evidence in the divorce case, I think we should give your wife two hundred dollars a week.”
MR. JONAS: “That’s nice of you. I’ll chip in five bucks.”
Joke #13216
MAN: “I need help, Doc. My wife thinks she’s a kitty cat.”
PSYCHIATRIST: “What do you want me to do?”
MAN: “Get her to stop eating canaries!”
Joke #13198
DOCTOR: “Your blood pressure is sky high, Mr. Smith.”
PATIENT: “That figures. I get it from my family.”
DOCTOR: “Your mother’s side or your father’s side.”
PATIENT: “Neither. It’s my wife’s side that gives me my high blood pressure.”
DOCTOR: “Why, that’s impossible!”
PATIENT: “You wouldn’t say that if you knew how obnoxious my in-laws are.”
Joke #13189
My wife is suicide blonde — dyed by her own hand.
Joke #13187
“Why are you so sad?”
“My wife just remarried and I don’t have to pay alimony anymore.”
“Well, that’s nothing to be sad about.”
“Yes it is. She married my boss and now I’m fired.”
Joke #13186
Is my wife fat? Let me put it this way. I never put a ring around a tub until we got engaged.
Joke #13184
My wife wouldn’t agree to us having adjoining funeral plots. She says that knowing the way I sleep, I’d probably hog all the sod.
Joke #13181
I met my wife at the track. I went to the races to bet on a nag and ended up saddled with one for life.
Joke #13178
HUSBAND: “My wife is into jogging. Every morning she runs down to the bank to make a withdrawal.”