Q: What’s the difference between a good sportsman and an umpire?
A: One plays by the rules, the other rules on the plays.
Tag Archives: umpire
Joke #13106
The coach of the St. Joseph’s High School baseball team, who happened to be a priest, called time out and ran onto the field to have a talk with his pitcher, a boy named Morgan.
The umpire watched patiently while the priest had a lengthy discussion with his younger hurler. Finally, tired of waiting, the umpire stormed over to the coach. “What is this?” he said to the priest angrily. “A conference or the Sermon on the Mound?”
Joke #12819
Another baseball first happened yesterday in New York City. Umpires decided to call a night baseball game on account of daylihgt.
Joke #12674
Did you hear about the umpire who kept home plate so clean, you could eat off it?
Joke #12661
Isn’t it ironic that in 1979 the Professional Baseball Umpires decided to call their first strike?
Joke #12656
Q: When does a major league umpire usually retire?
A: When his seeing-eye dog dies.
Joke #12649
Q: Why do union officials make good umpires?
A: They’re always calling strikes.
Joke #12636
During a Little League game, a young catcher held up his hand to the umpire and called, “Time! I have to clean my mask.”
The ump asked, “What happened?”
The kid replied, “My bubble-gum bubble busted.”
Joke #12142
A professional baseball player, after being called out on a close play at home, stormed over to the umpire and shouted, “Collins, you’re the second best umpire in the league.”
To say the least, the umpire was astonished. “Thanks for the compliment,” he said.
“It’s no compliment,” snapped the player. “All the other umpires in the league are tied for first.”
Joke #12131
The baseball manager rushed out on to the field and yelled at the umpire, “Fred, I’m not really mad at you, but my Mom is in the stand and I want her to see me in action.”
Joke #11527
Q: Where is the headquarters of the Umpires’ Association?
A: The Umpire State Building.
Joke #11526
Little Leaguer: Dad, what does a ballplayer do when his eyesight starts going bad?
Dad: He gets a job as an umpire.
Joke #11523
There was an umpire who was famous for wandering all over the baseball diamond.
During one game, he got hit on the head by a foul ball and fell down.
The catche rsaid, “We’ve just witnessed the fall of the roamin’ umpire.”
Joke #11182
Q: What do you call a movie about an angry baseball official who hocks a lugey at a coach?
A: The Umpire Strikes Back.
lumpire
lumpire – n. an empire of lumps
;} a lumpy umpire