Mike Tyson Mean Bean Rotisserie Machine Grill

Mike Tyson is standing in a kitchen with his rotisserie machine thing in front of him.

Mike Tyson: Hi there people…I saw that Son of a Bitch George Foreman getting rich off that lean mean thingie…so here I am making my new product. It’s my Mean Bean Rotisserie Machine Grill. This thing will cook anything you want. Here’s a loyal customer.

A guy walks over to where Mike Tyson is standing and he looks over to the camera.

Guy: THIS MACHINE GAVE ME THIRD DEGREE BURNS ON MY PENIS! I FUCKIN HATE IT! DON’T BUY I-”

Mike Tyson jumps ontop of the guy as they both fall behind the kitchen counter.

Mike Tyson: GROOAR!!!!!

Guy: AHHHHH

(The squackle technical difficulties screen appears)

The scene comes back to the guy and Mike Tyson. Mike Tyson has blood all over his mouth and a smile on his face. The guy has a chunk of his ear missing and his face is white and he’s scared as hell.

Guy: Oh yeah…I love this machine……..it’s….it’s so great…..I love it…..Oh boy……….thumbs up!….please don’t hurt me!

Mike Tyson kicks the guy in the ass out of the kitchen.

Mike Tyson: Watch as I Rotisserie this piece of meat!

Mike Tyson takes the ear and sticks it in the machine.

(5 Hours later)

Mike Tyson: Ok it’s just about done…no wait it isn;t…

(3 Hours and 34 minutes later)

Mike Tyson is scratching his balls…

Mike Tyson: GET THAT FUCKIN CAMERA OUT OF HERE!

(2 hours and 64 minutes later)

Mike Tyson: Ok it’s done…

Mike Tyson takes the ear out the machine….the ear is burnt and it looks like a pile of ashes. Mike Tyson eats the “ear”

Mike Tyson: Mmmmm so delicious…..I want more!

He looks at the camera and smiles and jumps at the camera.

Mike Tyson: GROAR!!!!!!

(technical difficulties screen flashes…..again……)

Announcer: Call 1-800000- EAR to ORDER!!

(end)

 

Tyson and Friends Episode 2

Announcer: What happens when you put a bunch of boxers into a house to live with each other? You get…TYSON AND FRIENDS!!!

 

(Evander, Tyson, and Oscar are huddled around a flashlight and a phone in Tyson’s room)

 

Evander: we’re going to have to be quiet, so we don’t wake up the Hurricane

 

Tyson: oh, don’t worry about it….Betsy will keep him busy ALL night

 

Oscar: ugh…I hate that Betsy

 

Tyson: ok…so….who are we going to call? Its 2:00 in the morning, so, anybody we call will be instantly pissed off. Luckily, we might call a truck drivers house and wake up the truck driver, cuz he has to go at 5:00 in the morning and got home at 12:00 in the morning….so……..yeah…..

 

Oscar (punching in numbers): rinnnnnggggggg riiiiiingggggggg

 

(Evander raises an eyebrow and takes the phone away from Oscar)

 

Oscar: HEY! I usin that phone!

 

Evander: you had your turn…….my turn…..i’m gonna call a psychic hotline……that Cleo fag that keeps taking up all that time on the TV guide channel and shit channels like that

 

Oscar (scratching his head): well, ok, but I get to talk too

 

Evander (putting the phone on speaker phone): fine, we’ll all be able to talk

 

(Evander calls the psychic hotline with Cleo)

 

Cleo: hello, baby! You’ve reached Cleo!

 

Evander: FAG!

 

Cleo: well, that’s nice, tell me your name and birth date, and I’ll tell you your fortune!

 

Oscar: FAG!

 

Cleo: oh! So you name is FAG!, eh?

 

Tyson: FAG!

 

Cleo: and you birth date is FAG!, also…well, let me see here…

 

(a few seconds pass)

 

Cleo: well, it says here for you that you will go to bed…have a nice day, good bye, and thank you for your money!

 

(Cleo hangs up)

 

Tyson: that was extremely gay

 

Evander: eh….ok…..yeah, it was..

 

(Oscar farts)

 

Tyson: ……

 

Evander: right…lets call another number

 

(Tyson bangs his head on the dial pad)

 

Evander: its ringing!

 

Oscar: yeehaw!

 

Phone: hello, you’ve reached Closet World, can I help you?

 

Evander: OH SHIT!

 

Phone: what? What is it?

 

Evander: I need a closet!!!! Send one right nowwwww!

 

Phone: how big?

 

Evander: well, 111 feet by 10 centimeters

 

Phone: umm…ho-

 

(Evander hangs up)

(Tyson and Oscar start laughing, and the phone rings)

 

Tyson: oh crap! Don’t pick up!

 

(the phone rings and the answering machine picks up)

 

answering machine: hello….may I speak to the head of the house? Hello? Hello? Hell-

 

(the answering machine cuts the guy off)

 

Tyson: haha

 

Evander (growling): this is getting really boring…

 

(Tyson, Evander and Oscar all fart a really stinky fart and pass out)

(end)

 

Tyson and Friends Episode 1

Announcer: What happens when you put a bunch of boxers into a house to live with each other? You get…TYSON AND FRIENDS!!!

 

(Tyson, Oscar, and Evander are sitting on a couch watching TV)

(Tyson is flipping through the channels with the remote)

 

Oscar: Man, they ain’t no good thing on!

 

Evander: no, its they ain’t nothing good on!

 

Oscar (yelling in Evander’s face): I say how I want!

 

Evander (yelling in Oscar’s face): No! It’s, I say how I want to!

 

Oscar: I NO CARE!

 

Evander: SHUT UP AND GET OUTTA MY FACE!

 

(Evander shoves Oscar out of his face)

 

Ruben “Hurricane” Carter (yelling from the back): Would you shut the hell up before I beat you down wit my cane?!?

 

Oscar (standing up and yelling toward the back): You cannot beat me wit silly cane, old man!

 

Tyson: Sit yo’ ass down!

 

(Tyson tugs on Oscars shirt till he sits down)

(there’s a knock at the door)

 

Tyson (yelling at the door): Who is it?

 

Oscar: YA! WHO IT BE?

 

Betsy: It’s Betsy!

 

Tyson: GO AWAY BETSY!

 

Oscar: Yes! Go away, we no want sugar today!

 

Evander: …and I dont wanna see your tight tiger skin pants on your flabby legs!

 

Betsy: Oh, comonnn….I have meat clips on today!

 

(all of them make weird faces)

 

Tyson, Oscar and Evander: EWWW!!

 

Tyson (whispering to Oscar and Evander): I know a way to get rid of her!

 

(Tyson takes out an old Arabian lamp from the couch)

 

Tyson (holding the lamp high up to the light): SEE???

 

Oscar: What it do?

 

Tyson (dissapointed): You are supposed to squint because the lamp is so shiny!

 

Evander: Its not shiny…its dirty!

 

(Tyson punches Evander on the arm)

 

Tyson: NO…it ain’t

 

Ruben “Hurricane” Carter: I want some milk!

 

(Oscar stands up and yells toward Ruben’s room)

 

Oscar: I no want give milk!

 

(Tyson rubs the lamp and a thing comes out of it)

 

Evander (looking up at the cloud of smoke taking a shape): Is that…Mohammed Ali???

 

Mohammed Ali: What do you want master?

 

Tyson: I want you to get rid of Betsy…

 

(Betsy knocks on the door again)

 

Tyson: …and give old Ruben some milk.

 

Oscar: I solve problem!

 

(Oscar opens the door and lets Betsy in)

 

Betsy: I knew you’d come around!

 

Oscar: I no want milk! Give Ruben milk!

 

(Betsy runs to Ruben’s door and opens and closes it)

 

Ruben: HUH??? Betsy! How did you get in here??

 

(kissing sounds come from Ruben’s bedroom)

 

Ruben: NOO!!! HELP ME!!! HELP ME! I’M TOO OLD FOR THIS!

 

Tyson (looking at the bedroom door): well…I guess that’s ok…

 

(Tyson looks up at Mohammed)

 

Tyson: You can go into the lamp now…

 

Mohammed: …ok…

 

(Mohammed disappears into the lamp)

(Tyson picks up the remote control and starts flipping through the channels again)

 

Tyson: Well, there’s nothing on…

 

Evander: Yeah, I guess so…

 

Oscar: Let make prank phone call!

 

Tyson: Hey, that’s a good idea!

 

Oscar (tapping his head with one finger): I know I be smart

 

(Evander yawns)

 

Evander: Its a little late…let’s do it tomorrow…

 

Tyson: Yeah, I guess it is pretty late…

 

(everybody goes to their bedrooms and go to sleep)

(end)

 

UPDATE February 3, 2000

dAvE bOnD: I put up the 1st Episode of a new TV show called Tyson and Friends. It’s about a bunch of boxers that live in the same house. I think its pretty good for a 1st Episode.

Nose: I’ll be writing a story pretty soon, and we’re working on a quiz.