Mike Tyson Mean Bean Rotisserie Machine Grill

Mike Tyson is standing in a kitchen with his rotisserie machine thing in front of him.

Mike Tyson: Hi there people…I saw that Son of a Bitch George Foreman getting rich off that lean mean thingie…so here I am making my new product. It’s my Mean Bean Rotisserie Machine Grill. This thing will cook anything you want. Here’s a loyal customer.

A guy walks over to where Mike Tyson is standing and he looks over to the camera.


Mike Tyson jumps ontop of the guy as they both fall behind the kitchen counter.

Mike Tyson: GROOAR!!!!!


(The squackle technical difficulties screen appears)

The scene comes back to the guy and Mike Tyson. Mike Tyson has blood all over his mouth and a smile on his face. The guy has a chunk of his ear missing and his face is white and he’s scared as hell.

Guy: Oh yeah…I love this machine……..it’s….it’s so great…..I love it…..Oh boy……….thumbs up!….please don’t hurt me!

Mike Tyson kicks the guy in the ass out of the kitchen.

Mike Tyson: Watch as I Rotisserie this piece of meat!

Mike Tyson takes the ear and sticks it in the machine.

(5 Hours later)

Mike Tyson: Ok it’s just about done…no wait it isn;t…

(3 Hours and 34 minutes later)

Mike Tyson is scratching his balls…


(2 hours and 64 minutes later)

Mike Tyson: Ok it’s done…

Mike Tyson takes the ear out the machine….the ear is burnt and it looks like a pile of ashes. Mike Tyson eats the “ear”

Mike Tyson: Mmmmm so delicious…..I want more!

He looks at the camera and smiles and jumps at the camera.

Mike Tyson: GROAR!!!!!!

(technical difficulties screen flashes…..again……)

Announcer: Call 1-800000- EAR to ORDER!!



Tyson and Friends Episode 2

Announcer: What happens when you put a bunch of boxers into a house to live with each other? You get…TYSON AND FRIENDS!!!


(Evander, Tyson, and Oscar are huddled around a flashlight and a phone in Tyson’s room)


Evander: we’re going to have to be quiet, so we don’t wake up the Hurricane


Tyson: oh, don’t worry about it….Betsy will keep him busy ALL night


Oscar: ugh…I hate that Betsy


Tyson: ok…so….who are we going to call? Its 2:00 in the morning, so, anybody we call will be instantly pissed off. Luckily, we might call a truck drivers house and wake up the truck driver, cuz he has to go at 5:00 in the morning and got home at 12:00 in the morning….so……..yeah…..


Oscar (punching in numbers): rinnnnnggggggg riiiiiingggggggg


(Evander raises an eyebrow and takes the phone away from Oscar)


Oscar: HEY! I usin that phone!


Evander: you had your turn…….my turn…..i’m gonna call a psychic hotline……that Cleo fag that keeps taking up all that time on the TV guide channel and shit channels like that


Oscar (scratching his head): well, ok, but I get to talk too


Evander (putting the phone on speaker phone): fine, we’ll all be able to talk


(Evander calls the psychic hotline with Cleo)


Cleo: hello, baby! You’ve reached Cleo!


Evander: FAG!


Cleo: well, that’s nice, tell me your name and birth date, and I’ll tell you your fortune!


Oscar: FAG!


Cleo: oh! So you name is FAG!, eh?


Tyson: FAG!


Cleo: and you birth date is FAG!, also…well, let me see here…


(a few seconds pass)


Cleo: well, it says here for you that you will go to bed…have a nice day, good bye, and thank you for your money!


(Cleo hangs up)


Tyson: that was extremely gay


Evander: eh….ok…..yeah, it was..


(Oscar farts)


Tyson: ……


Evander: right…lets call another number


(Tyson bangs his head on the dial pad)


Evander: its ringing!


Oscar: yeehaw!


Phone: hello, you’ve reached Closet World, can I help you?


Evander: OH SHIT!


Phone: what? What is it?


Evander: I need a closet!!!! Send one right nowwwww!


Phone: how big?


Evander: well, 111 feet by 10 centimeters


Phone: umm…ho-


(Evander hangs up)

(Tyson and Oscar start laughing, and the phone rings)


Tyson: oh crap! Don’t pick up!


(the phone rings and the answering machine picks up)


answering machine: hello….may I speak to the head of the house? Hello? Hello? Hell-


(the answering machine cuts the guy off)


Tyson: haha


Evander (growling): this is getting really boring…


(Tyson, Evander and Oscar all fart a really stinky fart and pass out)



Tyson and Friends Episode 1

Announcer: What happens when you put a bunch of boxers into a house to live with each other? You get…TYSON AND FRIENDS!!!


(Tyson, Oscar, and Evander are sitting on a couch watching TV)

(Tyson is flipping through the channels with the remote)


Oscar: Man, they ain’t no good thing on!


Evander: no, its they ain’t nothing good on!


Oscar (yelling in Evander’s face): I say how I want!


Evander (yelling in Oscar’s face): No! It’s, I say how I want to!


Oscar: I NO CARE!




(Evander shoves Oscar out of his face)


Ruben “Hurricane” Carter (yelling from the back): Would you shut the hell up before I beat you down wit my cane?!?


Oscar (standing up and yelling toward the back): You cannot beat me wit silly cane, old man!


Tyson: Sit yo’ ass down!


(Tyson tugs on Oscars shirt till he sits down)

(there’s a knock at the door)


Tyson (yelling at the door): Who is it?


Oscar: YA! WHO IT BE?


Betsy: It’s Betsy!




Oscar: Yes! Go away, we no want sugar today!


Evander: …and I dont wanna see your tight tiger skin pants on your flabby legs!


Betsy: Oh, comonnn….I have meat clips on today!


(all of them make weird faces)


Tyson, Oscar and Evander: EWWW!!


Tyson (whispering to Oscar and Evander): I know a way to get rid of her!


(Tyson takes out an old Arabian lamp from the couch)


Tyson (holding the lamp high up to the light): SEE???


Oscar: What it do?


Tyson (dissapointed): You are supposed to squint because the lamp is so shiny!


Evander: Its not shiny…its dirty!


(Tyson punches Evander on the arm)


Tyson: NO…it ain’t


Ruben “Hurricane” Carter: I want some milk!


(Oscar stands up and yells toward Ruben’s room)


Oscar: I no want give milk!


(Tyson rubs the lamp and a thing comes out of it)


Evander (looking up at the cloud of smoke taking a shape): Is that…Mohammed Ali???


Mohammed Ali: What do you want master?


Tyson: I want you to get rid of Betsy…


(Betsy knocks on the door again)


Tyson: …and give old Ruben some milk.


Oscar: I solve problem!


(Oscar opens the door and lets Betsy in)


Betsy: I knew you’d come around!


Oscar: I no want milk! Give Ruben milk!


(Betsy runs to Ruben’s door and opens and closes it)


Ruben: HUH??? Betsy! How did you get in here??


(kissing sounds come from Ruben’s bedroom)




Tyson (looking at the bedroom door): well…I guess that’s ok…


(Tyson looks up at Mohammed)


Tyson: You can go into the lamp now…


Mohammed: …ok…


(Mohammed disappears into the lamp)

(Tyson picks up the remote control and starts flipping through the channels again)


Tyson: Well, there’s nothing on…


Evander: Yeah, I guess so…


Oscar: Let make prank phone call!


Tyson: Hey, that’s a good idea!


Oscar (tapping his head with one finger): I know I be smart


(Evander yawns)


Evander: Its a little late…let’s do it tomorrow…


Tyson: Yeah, I guess it is pretty late…


(everybody goes to their bedrooms and go to sleep)



UPDATE February 3, 2000

dAvE bOnD: I put up the 1st Episode of a new TV show called Tyson and Friends. It’s about a bunch of boxers that live in the same house. I think its pretty good for a 1st Episode.

Nose: I’ll be writing a story pretty soon, and we’re working on a quiz.