In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

– On Sears hairdryer: “Do not use while sleeping”. [Gee, that’s the only time I have to work on my hair]

– On a bag of Fritos: “You could be winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside”. [Evidently, the shoplifter special]

– On a bar of Dial soap: “Directions: Use like regular soap.” [And that would be how…?]

– On some Swanson frozen dinners: “Serving suggestions: Defrost.” [But it’s *just* a suggestion]

– On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): “Do not turn upside down”. [Oops, too late!]

– On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: “Product will be hot after heating”. [As sure as night follows the day…]

– On packaging for a Rowenta iron: “Do not iron clothes on body”. [But wouldn’t this save even more time?]

– On Boot’s Children’s Cough Medicine: “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication”. [We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.]

– On Nytol Sleep Aid: “Warning: May cause drowsiness” [One would hope]

– On most brands of Christmas lights: “For indoor or outdoor use only”. [As opposed to what?]

– On a Japanese food processor: “Not to be used for the other use”. [I gotta admit, I’m curious].

– On Sainsbury’s peanuts: “Warning: Contains nuts”. [NEWS FLASH]

– On an American Airlines packet of nuts: “Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.” [Step 3: Fly Delta]

– On a child’s Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly”. [I don’t blame the company. I do blame parents for this one!]