Q: What’s the difference between acne and a Catholic Priest?
A: Acne comes on your face after puberty.
Tag Archives: priest
Joke #5458
Q: How do you castrate a priest?
A: Kick the altar boy in the head.
Joke #5232: A Priest’s Dinner
A priest was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners.
When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life.
“Were these dishes ever washed?” he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime.
She replied, “Of course they were cleaned Father.” “They’re as clean as soap and water can get them.”
He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and they all started eating. The meal was delicious and he paid his compliments in spite the dirty dishes.
When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yelled – “Here Soap! Here Water!”
Joke #5210: Holy Collections
A priest, minister and rabbi were playing their usual Wednesday round of golf, and started discussing their weekly collections.
Specifically, they started to compare how they decided what portion of the collection to keep for themselves and what portion to give to the Lord.
The priest explains, “I draw a circle around myself and toss the money in the air. Whatever lands in the circle I keep for myself. What ever lands outside the circle, I give to God.”
The minister says, “Yes, I use a similar method, except that whatever lands inside the circle I give to God, and whatever lands outside the circle I keep for my personal needs.”
The rabbi then proclaims, “Brothers we are in agreement! I use the same method, as well. Except, that when I toss the money in the air, and I figure that whatever God wants He can keep…”
Joke #5200: Devout Catholic
Maria is a devout Catholic. (No condoms for her!) She gets married and has 17 children…and then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later…and has 22 children by her second husband. She dies.
At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in her coffin, looks up to the heavens, and says, “At last…they’re finally together.” A man standing next to him asks, “Excuse me, Father, but do you mean her and her FIRST husband, or her and her SECOND husband?”
“No,” the priest says politely, “I mean her LEGS.”
irpym
irpym – v. to run over a priest