Inflation is worse than I thought. Last week I beat a one-armed bandit in Las Vegas, and the slot machine paid me off in I.O.U.’s.
Tag Archives: money
Joke #12486
THINGS THAT DRIVE WOMEN CRAZY: You spend your hard-earned money on expensive perfume to impress your boyfriend, and he shows up for your big date with a head cold and a clogged-up nose.
Joke #12485
Here’s some advice for would-be playboys: “To date a bunny, you have to have plenty of lettuce.”
Joke #12484
JAKE: “Moe, if you loan me five thousand dollars, I’ll be everlastingly indebted to you.”
MOE: “That’s what I’m afraid of.”
Joke #12482
Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth. The other day I asked my boss, “What’s the first thing you would do if someone gave you a million dollars?”
And you know what the boss replied? “I’d count it to make sure it was all there.”
Joke #12478
Q: What’s the difference between an eleven-year-old girl and a fifteen-year-old girl?
A: A five-dollar difference in your phone bill.
Joke #12470
The United States Mint just issued a statement saying they’d like to replace one-dollar bills with two-dollar bills. Heck! Inflation did that a long time ago.
Joke #12469
The price of milk is so high, it’s almost cheaper to buy ice cream and melt it down.
Joke #12468
I don’t think that the economy is recovering… I’m convinced that it’s terminally ill.
Joke #12464
Scientists are now predicting that Martians will visit the United States in the near future to establish diplomatic relations. Economists are predicting that the Martians will apply for foreign aid and get it.
Joke #12455
A recent report stated that due to inflation, our bodies, which used to be worth only 98 cents, are now worth $5.60. Isn’t it depressing to know that a good sirloin steak is worth more than you are!
And even more depressing, while people are only worth five dollars and sixty cents, pet turtles cost ten bucks!
Joke #12452
With inflation the way it is, the cost of operating a shopping cart in a supermarket is now about $50.00 per aisle.
Joke #12451
“I’m glad to see that inflation hasn’t affected our local Congressman.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s still a two-bit politician.”
Joke #12450
With the rising cost of food prices, who can afford to be immortal?
Joke #12448
There are ways for middle-class Americans to save money these days, but who wants to starve or go homeless?