The irony of the horse track: How can a horse player believe the odds are in his favor when the betting lines are ten times longer than the lines to collect on winning tickets?
Tag Archives: horse
Joke #13084
Q: Why did the loony water polo team lose every game?
A: Because their horses couldn’t swim.
Joke #12842
There was a hillbilly who was so strong that he pitched horseshoes without taking them off the horse.
Joke #12729
There’s a horse out in Hollywood who has made 10 pictures. He’s not a star. He just does bit parts.
Joke #12669
“I went to the track yesterday, and only one thing kept me from making a fast buck.”
“What was that?”
“A slow horse!”
Joke #12660
A baseball scout’s star discovery turned out to be a horse. Even though the team manager was skeptical, he gave the horse a tryout. The horse went up to the plate with a bat in his hooves and knocked every ball pitched to him out of the park. Then the manager put the horse in the outfield, and he caught every ball hit to him.
The manager was so impressed, he started the horse on opening day. In his first at bad in the first inning, the horse cracked a ball into the stands, but just stood at home plate. “Run, you dumb horse! Run!” screamed the manager.
“Run?” remarked the horse. “Are you nuts? If I could run, I wouldn’t be at the ball park — I’d be at the race track.”
Joke #12650
Q: Why is Lady Godiva considered a sports gambler?
A: She put everything she had on a horse.
Joke #12431
Rumor has it that newlyweds love to visit a new horse racing track at Niagra Falls, because during the races they allow paramutual petting.
Joke #12146
HANK: “How did you do at the track today, Frank?”
FRANK: “Not too good. Some folks play a horse to win, some to place, and some to show. But I should have bet my horse to live!”
Joke #12143
One horse player to another: “I bet on a horse today that went off at ten to one. He came in around a quarter to three.”
horse sense
horse sense – n. what makes horses never bet on people
Joke #11923
MAN: “I always win at cards and lose at the race track.”
LADY: “Why is that?”
MAN: “Because I don’t get to shuffle the horses.”
Joke #11902
Q: When does a horse talk on the phone?
A: Whinny wants to!
Silly Sports Talk
“Looks like I missed the bull’s-eye,” Tom said aimlessly.
“Give me a rubdown,” Tom said sorely.
“Let’s go camping if the weather is good,” Tom said tentatively.
“I’ve got a great tennis serve,” Tom said faultlessly.
“Would you go fishing with me?” Tom asked with baited breath.
“What this team needs is a great home-run hitter,” Tom said ruthlessly.
“I’m retiring from baseball,” Tom said with resignation.
“Something is wrong with my bowling,” Tom said gutterally.
“Is this boat tilting, or is it my imagination?” Tom asked listlessly.
“Want to Indian wrestle?” Tom asked bravely.
“Our canoe is headed for the falls!” Tom said rapidly.
“This horse won’t stop,” Tom said woefully.
Joke #11366
The Postal Service honored legendary Secretariat with his own stamp.
That shows you how strange life is for race-horses.
You win the race, you wind up on the front of a stamp. Lose a race, you wind up on the back.