Lean Pockets vs. Hot Pockets

Beware, next time you go to the store and go to the freezer aisle and see “Lean Pockets” next to “Hot Pockets”. What is this “Lean”? I want my damn POCKETS FREAKIN HOT not LEAN! Lean, I believe, is an evil fruit grown next to beans that comes from Carrot top’s garden. Bean sellers are running out of Beans so they need cheap imitations and so Carrot top came up with a cheap imitation: “Leans”. Leans are round and fluffy and look like fat jamacan when pumped up. The fruit plans to make us talk in weird JFK accents and make us look like Chunks from the movie: “The Goonies”. They ARE EVIL! If you see FAT JAMACANS RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!