The college I go to is a four-or-five-year institution depending on whether you commute or not. If you don’t commute, it’s a four-year college. If you do commute, it takes you five years to graduate because you waste a whole year looking for a parking place.
Tag Archives: college
Joke #12595
In college I was in a class so large that by the time the professor finished calling the roll, it was time for the next class.
Joke #12594
I was a five letter man my first year in college… and the letters were F-L-U-N-K!
Joke #12593
How big is the University of Texas’ campus? Let me put it this way. it’s the only college in America that has its own subway system.
Joke #12592
There’s a college campus in Texas so huge that the air fare from the dormitory to the lecture hall is a hundred dollars.
Joke #12583
Did you hear about the college student who got rally worried that something had happened to his parents? He hadn’t gotten a check from them in weeks.
Joke #12391
Two teenaged gals met one day in a candy store. The first girl said, “I haven’t seen your brother, Mike, in years. Where has he been?”
The second girl replied, “Mike’s in college. He’s taking medicine.”
The first teenager said, “I sure hope he gets well.”
Chevy Mad Lib: Find the Bowtie that Fits You
After a hard week at school, davepoobond, Michael Jackson, Mr. Fuckhead, and I decided it was time to get away. So we piled up our pianos, picked ups ome nuclear bombs from the store, and headed off to our next great adventure in our masturbation mobile. After setting our fuck this shit we could finally be on our way! It was awesome seeing the anal missile silo as we sank on the road. The weather was perfect too, wasteful with periwinkle skies.
Everything was going terribly until suddenly oh yes! A zombie leapt in front of our Jamaican jalopy. We all looked at each other in shock, wondering what to do next. Luckily our car was quick to react thanks to the ABS brakes that come standard. What happened next when things got a little short. It led us to its Long Island where it served us tray after tray of delicious Shirley Temple. Bellies full, we said our thanks and headed back to our gatorade where we easily found our way thanks to OnStar’s GPS capability. With awesome fuel efficiency, we didnt’ need to stop for gas; however Mr. Rogers and Michael Jackson were running low on strawberry Nutri-Grains. We flew over to the store to stock up so we would be well prepared for Hell.
69 hours later and we had finally made it! If it wasn’t for the great company, college students in kindergarten, and I hate my life, we wouldn’t have had nearly as 14-cents-worth of an adventure. Fuck! Chevy really does bring people together.
P.S. Fuck you Daily Titan!
Joke #12028
Last week my son in college had a very painful amputation. I cut off his allowance.
Joke #11359
Both sides of our family turned out for my wife’s college graduation. After the dean finished awarding all the diploma’s, he requested, “Will all the ‘cum laudes’ please stand up?”
My mother-in-law leaned over and whispered, “Wow! The Cum Laude family sure has a lot of kids!”
Joke #10807
Q: What do cobras study in college?
A: Hiss-tory
Joke #9219
A woman called the dean of the college that her freshman son was going to.
“I’m worried. I don’t know who my son can hang out with. He doesn’t have the kind of money all the other students have.”
The dean replied, “He can hang out with the faculty.”
Joke #9125
Morris and Becky were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.
After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?”
The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
Joke #8985
A dog is so smart that his master decides to send him to college.
Home for vacation, his master asks him how college is going.
“Well,” says the dog, “I’m not doing too great in science and math, but I have made a lot of progress in foreign languages.”
“Really!” says the master. “Say something in a foreign language.”
The dog says, “Meow ! “
USA: College Drinking Out Of Control
I found this somewhere.
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Drinking alcohol has been around for as long as we can remember, but it isn’t until now that we realize the fatal effects and consequences of this horrific drug.
Drinking excessively can do many things to our brain that make us loose control of our body. You can’t think, walk, or even talk right. There are three parts of the brain that are effected while drinking; the cerebrum, cerebellum, and the medulla. The cerebrum controls recognition, vision, reasoning, and emotions. Drinking at only .01-.30% can damage and control these emotions. Next is the Cerebellum, which coordinates movement like walking. This is effected at .15-.35%. Last is the medulla, which is effected when someone drinks more than their body can handle. It controls heartbeat and breathing and can make them stop at levels as low as .30%. The effects of drinking at these levels are horrible. The short-term effects that most intermediate drinkers get are hangovers, which may include a headache and maybe still some uncordination. The things that most people overlook are the long-term effects, which effect your liver, lungs and nervous system. Whether drinking effects you in the long run or in a short-term way, the fact it that drinking alcohol will effect you no matter what.
When people think about drinking, they usually know the afterward effects, but they usually forget about the consequences of it. While being drunk, you usually cannot control your actions the way you to. Last year, 600,000 college students were assaulted by another who was drinking, and another 70,000 college students were sexually assaulted. Also, 400,000 college students had unprotected sex because of intoxication. This leads to many things like pregnancy and diseases like HIV, STDS. Since drinking controls most of your actions and thoughts, there is much violence and academic consequences. Over 25% of the people that drink in colleges have damaged property and/or have academic consequences. When college students drink, they don’t even think about death, but the truth is that when you are drunk, you can pass out, throw up, choke on your own vomit, and die. There are many other ways of death as well. Last year, 2.1 million college students drove under the influence, and another 1,400 students die a year from alcohol related injuries. 150,000 other students tried to commit suicide because of drinking. College students shouldn’t drink if they don’t know that the effects are sexually transmitted diseases, property destruction, and even death.
College drinkers are the largest portions of drinkers in the U.S. Controlling college drinking would control the rest of societies drinking. And since alcohol is the biggest drug used by college students, then if they stopped drinking, it would stop at least 50% of drugs used. The fact is that college drinking is out of control, and if you can stop that, you can stop drug abuse everywhere.