Blunt
Tag Archives: cigarette
Who Says Quitters Never Win
Gigli Is No Good
Only in America…
Only in America…
…can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
…are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
…do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
…do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
…do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
…do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage
…do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place.
…do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight
…do we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well: ‘Poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ meaning ‘bloodsucking creatures’.
…do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
…can a vocalist get rich by singing the blues.
Joke #5230: Surprise Package
While enjoying a drink with a buddy one night, this guy decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone by the bar. To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink and eventually asks him if he’d like to come back to her place. The pair jump into a taxi and go back to her place.
Later, the young man pulls out a cigarette from his jeans and searches for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asks the girl if she has one at hand. “There might be some matches in the top drawer,” she replies. Opening the drawer of the bedside table, he finds a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the guy begins to worry.
“Is this your husband?” he inquires nervously.
“No, silly,” she replies, snuggling up to him.
“Your boyfriend then?”
“No, don’t be silly,” she says, nibbling away at his ear.
“Well, who is he then?” demands the bewildered fellow.
Calmly, the girl takes a match, strikes it across the side of her face and replies, “That’s me before the operation.”
Joke #5202: Johnny’s Smoking
A guy’s walking down the street and sees Johnny smoking a cigarette. “Hey kid, you’re too young to smoke.”
Johnny looks up but says nothing.
“How old are you?”
“Six,” Johnny says.
“Six? When did you start smoking?”
“Right after the first time I got laid.”
“Right after the first time you got laid? When was that?”
Johnny says, “I don’t remember, I was drunk.”
rovef
rovef – n. someone who blows up a toilet by throwing a cigarette into it after pooping
vist
vist – n. a “mist” of cigar/ciggarette smoke
smoko
smoko – n. a break, more literally a cigarette break.
Ex. Go have a smoko.
;} v. to have a cigarette break
Ex. Go smoko.
ricarm
ricarm – n. a car seat with cigarette burns
eloise
eloise – n. a smoking pig who refuses to wear sunglasses in the winter.
Ex. Who smoked my eloise?
dutyplatental
dutyplatental – n. the inability to eat more than two candy cigarettes
durry
durry – n. Aussie slang for “cigarette”
bedrosi
bedrosi – v. to have 6 people light your cigarette at the same time