Clown & Box
Tag Archives: box
Little Red Riding Tax Collector
Once there was a man who wore this red sweat shirt and red pants. He looked really stupid but infact was not. He only had the Ebola Virus. He use to ride upside down on his horse named red. His sattle was on the horses stomache and so he’d bonk his head on the ground everytime the horse stretched his legs.
One day he had to go collect taxes from George W Bush and his boss said: “Take this suit case with you and make sure you deliver it to his hands IMMEDIATLY!” The boss then slapped him on the ass and the tax collector left with the suit case. He got on his horse and he was off, bonking his head along the way. But, behold, a Portuguese Samurai with Bipolar diease heard what the boss said and he grinned evily. He was going to steal that nice suit case and sell it on the French black market.
So the Samurai jumped on his very own skunk and rode off towards the direction the tax collector went. But the samurai knew a shortcut through the Marijuana fields. He quickly made a lemonade stand, only not making lemonade, but making Spam on Ham sandwich stand. Now this grabbed the tax collectors attention. The tax collector fell off his horse and walked over.
The samurai said: “Look at That thing behind you!” Of course there was nothing there but the tax collector turned around and looked. The samurai then ran down to Bushs house and rang the door bell. Bush peaked out and the samurai bonked him on the head with beef jerky. Bush suddenly got hit with like 1000 calories and passed out. The samurai then dragged his body under the bed and took all his clothes.
Meanwhile the tax collector is still staring behind him trying to find what the samurai was pointing (what an idiot) and then decided to just go collect taxes because he was standing there for 3 hours straight. He got on his horse and bonked his head all along the way to Bush’s house.
He knocked on the door and the samurai (dressed as bush) opened the door. The tax collector handed him the brief case and asked for the Tic Tacs that he had to pay for his taxes. “Bush” gave him a whole box of tic tacs and the collector almost had a heart attack.
He had never seen a WHOLE bottle of TIC TACS! The tax collector went back home. The samurai opened the brief case and it was a coversational tape that helps you learn German and a bottle of spanish olives. The samurai ate the olives and later died of constipation. George W Bush late woke up but couldn’t find his way out from under the bed even though it wasn’t even a Queen size and died of starvation.
The End
Goopy Blip
Written in conjunction with elmoisfurry
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It all started with an avocado. That damn fruit. I hate avocados. Avocados are green. They bounce. I don’t like bouncy things. Especially bouncing avocados that are green and hit mailman car thingys. This is my story. I’m a postal worker.
…………..
“BOO!!” said Mr. Ice Cream Truck Man. Naturally, I screamed. I was a bit of a pansy. I AM a mailman. I run away from a lot of things. Kittens…dogs…myself, but most of all clothes hangers. Clothes hangers are scary. They’re all pointy and stuff. If you brought one up to me, I’d scream like a little girl in a yellow polka dot dress. Its horrible…not really.
Y’know what I did when Mr. Ice Cream Truck Man scared me? I PEED MY PANTS! Quack, quack, quack, moo pie. Mr. Ice Cream Truck Man laughed at my pants, and gave me a free Moon Pie. The Moon Pie was cold. Mmmmmmmmm moon pie, taste like…………..moon. I had to think of a way to leave the Ice Cream Truck man…so I told him my peas were getting cold. He said he understood, and he left.
I was at home. In my underwear. Not boxers, but whitey tighties. I like the way they feel. My mother is a nut. Seriously. She’s a walnut. A giant walnut. Don’t ask me how my dad got me. It is a science unknown to man. Ahglahglah. So, I was sitting down…drinking a beer…watching soap operas…the good kind…you know, Vietnamese soap operas. I didn’t understand the soap operas, because the captions were in Vietnamese. That really pisses me off. But its funny because I dub for them. I record the soap operas and then leave them in the mail boxes I go to during work. Smell my cheese grater.
So, I went to work the next day. I had a few joints. Not like it mattered. I just tripped over a few chairs…regular postal etiquette. I got my box full of mail to make my rounds. It takes 9 hours at least to deliver all the mail. There’s this one guy that has half a box of mail everyday. Its all porn, too. He’s a crazy old man. I think he has two 89 year old granddaughters. He’s got to be as old as the White House. He has a dog, too, you know. It’s called Mr. Giant Fluffy Bunny Fur. Mr. GFBF for short. She (the dog) smells like Dr. Pepper and guacamole. Anywho!
I have my own place, but its a pile of mulch. I bought it on ebay. Ebay is a cool thingy. You can get beer for one dollar. And its easier than going to the store I live under. Sometimes, the toilets leak, and the flushed toilet water seeps through the boards, and waters my plants. I just had a seizure. Ok, now, I’ll tell you about my pets. I have a pet keyboard. He types stuff. He talks with me when I pet him. He only does it when he’s turned on. Yes…
Comma. Wait….coma. I’m in a coma. I don’t know how, but I am. Ok, I’m out of it. That was a nice one second coma. I’ll tell you a story. Its about a patio chair, and the way it impaled me.
I was sitting on a chair. Then my only friend, Mr. Ice Cream Truck Man, took his patio chair, and stuck it up my nose. LISTEN TO MY GIANT BLOATED ORANGE!!! LISTEN TO IT!!!!!!! I screamed, and screamed and screamed. It hurt like a mother walrus. Mr. Ice Cream Truck Man said he was sorry, and left, ringing his bell. I don’t know why he did that, because he didn’t have a bell…
I’ll tell you about a pillow. Pillows are funny. They’re soft and cuddly. But they’re also deadly. The feathers in my pillow punctured through the material surrounding it, and jammed into my eye. I thought I was being speared like a fish. OoOOoo, look at the lumpy sack of graham crackers.
I’m going to talk about a vacuum cleaner now. Vacuum cleaners are noisy. Sorta like a toilet, but the flushing noise is always there. Its really annoying. I’ll tell you something about vacuum cleaners. You can get sucked into them. Only if you’re two foot four or under. Jabba the Hut makes good slushies. I like the Backstreet Boys. They’re silly. SILLY LIKE A MOTH! That means they’re stupid, and they eat cloth. I’ll tell you another thing about them.
Oh, I have another story.
The End.
Wait, wait. I’m not done
The End.
Joke #5306
A blonde named Haley decided to put together a puzzle, so she sat down and took the pieces out of the box.
She sat there for an hour before she asked her husband for help “Can you help me put the puzzle together, its supposed to be a tiger.”
He came over and looked down at the puzzle, then up at his wife and said, “Honey, put the Frosted Flakes back into the box.”
Joke #5285
Q: What did the blonde say to her dad when she opened the box of Cheerios?
A: “Look daddy, donut seeds!”
Joke #5265
There is a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead and they are running from the police. They run into an alley.
The brunette jumps into a box, the redhead jumps behind a trash can and the blonde jumps into an old potato sack.
The cops come down the alley. They kick the box and the brunette goes “ARF ARF!!” “oh, it’s just an old dog.” the policeman says.
Then they kick the trash can and the redhead goes “MEOW!!” “oh, it’s just an old cat” the policman says.
Then they kick the potato sack and the blonde yells “POTATO POTATO POTATO!!!!!”
Joke #5239: The Third Baby
When a friend had her third baby in four years, I volunteered to keep the older two overnight. One night turned into several, and I was running out of supplies. I asked my husband to go over and get some things from my friend’s husband.
“Did he give you everything?” I asked later.
“Yes,” my husband said, grinning. “A box of diapers, two sacks of clothing and the children’s birth certificates.”
Joke #5207: Retiring Rabbi
After sixty years, a Rabbi decides to retire. Taking the box of foreskin’s he has collected over the years of doing circumcisions, he goes to a leather goods manufacturer and says to the man “Can you do anything with these?”
The man says “No problem, come back in two weeks.”
After two weeks the rabbi returns to the shop, and is presented with a wallet. In total dismay, he says to the craftsman “After sixty years, the best you can do is a wallet!?!”
The man replies “Don’t worry, just rub it a few times and it will grow into a suitcase.”
vonnegut
vonnegut – n. a box of musical instruments
ruwye
ruwye – n. a cardboard box covered in blood
ninynvyr
ninynvyr – v. to live out of boxes
dratsaf
dratsaf – n. a box with a steering wheel on a bar sticking out of it
dolciani
dolciani – v. to put trash into a Kleenex box
cepbea
cepbea – v. to put someone in a box, duct tape it and bury it while they are still alive
boxinoid
boxinoid – n. a robot box (its an actual robot made out of a box)