“put the voices in your head to bed for good”
– from the Radio
Tag Archives: bed
Quote #15278
“EVERY MORNING, I CRAP THE BED!”
– from the TV
Quote #14764
“I might not be Fred Flintstone, but I sure can make your bedrock”
– from the Internet
Quote #14734
“what does an angel hafta do with you being out of bed?”
– Angels in the Outfield (1994)
Quote #13990
“I need another chair for a bed…”
– Soup Nazi
Joke #13324
Q: Is it ok to sleep on a full stomach?
A: I prefer sleeping on a bed.
Joke #13081
Tell me — is it possible for a bed to have two wrong sides?
You Know It’s Freezing Outside When…
America just made it through another snowy winter. Last year record lows were established. It was cold, but it could get worse.
You know it’s freezing outside when…
– your water bed turns into an ice cap.
– your false teeth chatter and they’re not even in your mouth.
– you run outside sobbing and your tears freeze.
– conservationists find “Big Foot” frozen to death.
– city workers can’t get the snow plows started.
Joke #12786
Did you hear about the man who made sofa beds all day and slept on his job all night?
Joke #12703
I saved my money in my mattress for a rainy day, and a flood washed away my bed.
Joke #12604
MIKE: “Every morning I jog 5 miles. What do you do to keep in shape?”
SPIKE: “Every morning I turn off the alarm clock, bat my eyelashes 20 times, and then I slowly walk around the bed and jump back in.”
Joke #12566
There’s one thing I hate about my dog — he’s chicken. Whenever there’s a thunderstorm, he scoots under my bed to hide. And there’s not enough room under there for both of us.
Joke #12280
A patient in the local hospital was really angry. He called his doctor and told him, “That dumb nurse came into my room last night and plugged my electric blanket into the automatic toaster on my night table and every five minutes I kept popping out of the darned bed!”
Joke #12245
Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise, but boring as heck.
Joke #12181
Did you hear about the entomologist who live din the slums? He went out and bought a water bed so his roaches could go swimming in the summer.