Chat Logs, Stupid IMs

#6444: collgehun18f100 -> davepoobond

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collgehun18f100: Hey, this is Sarah. . I’m 18/F one of your friends gave me your screename, but I gotta bounce right now. . I just wanted to make sure you got a chance to see me, check out my site and lemme know if you’re interested in hooking up :-* My page (and its all free too) 😉 But only if your 18 or older, I don’t want to get in trouble for doin anything for anyone underage 😉

davepoobond: well

davepoobond: you better feel bad

davepoobond: because i bet 999% of everyone that you IM, are underage

davepoobond: that’s more than 100%

davepoobond: in case you didnt know

Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#6442: Holmes -> davepoobond

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Note: this was before all these movies came out…this actual conversation took place around 2003/2004, so you can see a lot of these things came true or changed a little bit

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Holmes: sup

davepoobond: not much

davepoobond: they’re making a Home Alone 4

Holmes: …

Holmes: o…

davepoobond: and American Pie 3

Holmes: my….

Holmes: god

davepoobond: and a prequel to Dumb and Dumber

davepoobond: with steve THE DELL GUY

davepoobond: as jeff daniels

davepoobond: and i dont know whos jim carrery

davepoobond: carrey

Holmes: stop it! STOP IT! WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS!

Holmes: THE HORROR

davepoobond: jim carrey sold out

davepoobond: “i dont wanna do any comedies anymore”

Holmes: ….

Holmes: thats bull shit

Holmes: he’s a natural comedian

davepoobond: i know

davepoobond: but no more he says

Holmes: so basically he quit acting

davepoobond: the majestic wasnt even a comedy

Holmes: because jim carrey is no action hero or drama person

davepoobond: and they’re making Spy Hunter as a movie, with vin diesel

Holmes: omg

davepoobond: oh wait

davepoobond: not vin diesel

davepoobond: the rock

Holmes: OH MY FUCKIN GOD

davepoobond: hehe

davepoobond: they’re both the same

davepoobond: i’m gonna give u a heart attack huh

Holmes: yes

davepoobond: and i also think they’re gonna make a sequel to Dude, Where’s my car?

davepoobond: but its not gonna have either of them i think

Holmes: ::can’t take it anymore and just dies::

davepoobond: its gonna be different people, and its gonna be “Dude, where’s my van?”

davepoobond: or something

Holmes: ::dies again::

Holmes: and terminator 3

Holmes: is coming out

davepoobond: yeah but everyone already knows about that

Holmes: Analyze That

Holmes: and Meet The Fockers

davepoobond: really?

Holmes: yes

Holmes: really

davepoobond: that’ll be funny

davepoobond: meet the fockers

Holmes: oh wait

Holmes: Title Note: (7/12/02) Even though Ben Stiller’s character in the first movie was credited with the last name of “Focker”, “Variety” announced today that the title is not “Meet the Fockers” as has been widely reported, but actually “Meet the Fokkers.” It sounds to me like Universal (or someone) was concerned that they couldn’t actually release a film that was just *one* letter away from the “F” word. Two letters, though, must be okay

Holmes: lmao

Holmes: thats hilarious

davepoobond: two letters must be ok

Holmes: yeah

davepoobond: it HAS to be

Holmes: yeah

davepoobond: have you seen XXX?

Holmes: no

Holmes: i’m not sure if i should or shouldn;t

davepoobond: i think they’re gonna make sequels to them

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************************************************ou put it in the sun going straight up and down it makes a cool design

Holmes: i saqw lord of the rings

Holmes: lmao

davepoobond: that any good?

Holmes: yes

Holmes: it was

davepoobond: i still havent seen it

Holmes: ow my fuckin arm hurts…i came back from the doctor and he like shoved a needle into me

davepoobond: he pry thought you were a horse

Holmes: he asked “how was my summer” i was about to saw “fun” and he sohved it into my arm

davepoobond: haha he’s a funny guy

Holmes: he stabbed me! i’m suing

davepoobond: do you know how doctors check if a horse is pregnant or not

davepoobond: they shove their whole freaking arm into the horse’s ass

Holmes: ….

davepoobond: and then they take out the poo that is in there

Holmes: eww

davepoobond: and htey use a lot of lube

Holmes: i can emagine

davepoobond: and then after all the poo is out, they take this ultrasonic thingy that is about palm sized and jam it in there as well as their whole arm

davepoobond: aint that spectacular

Holmes: yes

davepoobond: i had a first hand account on monday

davepoobond: 3 times

Holmes: ……

Holmes: ewww

davepoobond: the first time was nasty, but after the other 2, it didnt look too bad

davepoobond: you’ve gotta have balls to stick your whole arm into a horse’s ass

Holmes: yes you do

Holmes: “hold er down….come ere lil horsey” *shove*

davepoobond: heh

Holmes: “ok…i feel somethin….it’s squishy….like jello…”

Holmes: “oh wait this is a male” “how do you know?” “cause i’m grabboin his balls from the inside!”

davepoobond: i was expecting to see his arm come out of the horse’s mouth or something

Holmes: heh

davepoobond: and his arm just kept going in, i was thinking “ok that’s far enough to do it, right?” wrong, it went in farther

Holmes: “oh my god! his ass is eating me alive!!!!”

davepoobond: usually, i think they do about 20 horses at a time

Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#6440: davepoobond -> amber

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davepoobond: whoo i got 1/2 pound of mike and ikes

amber: ok

amber: lol

davepoobond: heh

amber: where are you from again?

davepoobond: california

amber: i thought california people were cool

amber: j/k

davepoobond: heh. most are

amber: but, not you, right?

davepoobond: i guess not, since i’m eating 1/2 pound of mike and ikes

amber: lol

davepoobond: friendly question: do you eat cheesecake?

amber: yeah, why?

davepoobond: i dont know

amber: do you?

davepoobond: oh ya

amber: what kind?

davepoobond: strawberry

davepoobond: or just the regular kind

amber: cool, is cheesecake, really cake, or is it considered a pie?

davepoobond: i dont know. is it even cheese?

davepoobond: cake is in the name, so it has to be cake

amber: yeah

amber: cream cheese

amber: yeah, but it looks like pie

davepoobond: its no question that apple pie or cherry pie is a pie.

davepoobond: cheese pie is non-existent

amber: true

amber: lol

amber: yes it does exist, it’a a type of lasagna

davepoobond: thats ricotta

amber: ricotta, mozerella, and parmesean, and romano

amber: but it is considered a cheese pie

davepoobond: no its considered an italian pasta dish

davepoobond: cuz there’s meat in it

davepoobond: there’s no meat in pie unless it was a meat pie

davepoobond: or a chicken pot pie

amber: ahh, but vegetarian lasagna has no meat in it

davepoobond: otherwise, that’d just be nasty

davepoobond: but its still a dinner dish

amber: ok,

davepoobond: and its italian

davepoobond: italians dont make deserts

amber: do you hit girls?

davepoobond: they make italian ice

davepoobond: no

amber: do you hit guys who hit girls?

davepoobond: no cuz i dont know any guys that hit girls

amber: aghh my little sister is trying to stranggle me

amber: thats ood, but if you knew one that did would you hit him?

davepoobond: then hit her

amber: no she’s 4

davepoobond: probably not, cuz if he can hit a girl, then he’d probably wouldnt mind castrating me

amber: lol

amber: would you hit a guy who sexually harasses a girl?

amber: if he did it right in front of you?

davepoobond: yes i would then

amber:

amber: good choice

amber: does a girl have the right to beat the crap out of the guy that sexually harasses her?

davepoobond: yeah

davepoobond: but not according to the law if you get filed for assault

amber: who said it was me?

davepoobond: i was speaking in a 2nd person kind of way

amber: oh ok

amber: i gotta go

davepoobond: ok bye

Chat Logs, Stupid IMs

#6438: Evil Hell Cow -> davepoobond

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Evil Hell Cow: yano what ?

davepoobond: wut

Evil Hell Cow: I dunno…thats why I asked you

davepoobond: heh

Evil Hell Cow: name five girls you who you know, would take advantage of a poor defensless hockey stick

davepoobond: dont know any girls. sorry.

Evil Hell Cow: hmmm well I know one!!!

davepoobond: damn u

Evil Hell Cow: David (reokon) and Lila!

davepoobond: i thought you meant IRL

Evil Hell Cow: nuuu online

davepoobond: oh

davepoobond: no girls online

davepoobond: heh

Evil Hell Cow: o.o….dude…..do you live in a bubble!?

davepoobond: not really

Chat Logs, Stupid IMs

#6436: collgehun18f165 -> davepoobond

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collgehun18f165: Hey, this is Sarah. . I’m 18/F one of your friends gave me your screename, but I gotta bounce right now. . I just wanted to make sure you got a chance to see me, check out my site and lemme know if you’re interested in hooking up :-* My page (and its all free too) 😉 But only if your 18 or older, I don’t want to get in trouble for doin anything for anyone underage 😉

davepoobond: well, my friend is actually looking for you

davepoobond: why dont u give him ur crap

davepoobond: i cant take ur guys crap no mo, stop IMing me

Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#6432: davepoobond -> The Peaman Thats Not a Man

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davepoobond: hey what’s up?

(later)

The Peaman Thats Not a Man: nothing really

The Peaman Thats Not a Man: i got back from the mall a few hours ago

The Peaman Thats Not a Man: it was a total bust

The Peaman Thats Not a Man: not one hot guy in the entire fucking mall

davepoobond: thats what happens at malls

davepoobond: REAL men dont go to malls but for maybe 10 minutes max

The Peaman Thats Not a Man: but it’s supposed to be “back to school shopping” and shit

davepoobond: most guys arent gonna b back to school shopping, cuz thats what you do with your mommy

davepoobond: i would know

davepoobond: >.>

The Peaman Thats Not a Man: …you still shop with your mommy?

davepoobond: not necessarily

davepoobond: only when she buys

davepoobond: there’s no shame in that

davepoobond: ::breaks down and cries::

The Peaman Thats Not a Man: ….yeah…sure…..uh huh…..right…..ok…..sure

The Peaman Thats Not a Man: ::hands him a hankie::

davepoobond: thank you

The Peaman Thats Not a Man: welcome

The Peaman Thats Not a Man: i’m going to dinner

davepoobond: k bye