On Wednesdays, it’s easy to pick out a doctor. He’s the guy carrying a little black medical bag in one hand and a big brown golf bag in the other.
Joke #12000
QUACK DOCTOR: “Do you want to know how to keep from losing your hair?”
PATIENT: “Yes, Doctor. How?”
QUACK DOCTOR: “Sew a name tag inside your toupee.”
Joke #11999
OPTOMETRIST: “How many fingers am I holding up on my right hand?”
PATIENT: “That’s easy. Six.”
OPTOMETRIST: “The only thing worse than your eyesight is your arithmetic.”
Joke #11998
I know a doctor who is so rich that he doesn’t wash his hands before an operation; he dry cleans them.
Joke #11997
FATHER: “So you want to become a doctor when you grow up? What are you doing now to prepare yourself for that line of work?”
SON: “Well, Dad, I’m learning to write real bad and play golf.”
Joke #11996
OVERHEARD IN A DRUG STORE: “I went to see my doctor yesterday, but I think he’s a quack. I told him my temperature was 100 and he told me to sell when it gets to 103!”
Joke #11995
PATIENT: “Doctor, I’d like to visit you tomorrow.”
DOCTOR: “I’m busy tomorrow. Make a date with my nurse.”
PATIENT: “Gee, do you think she’ll go out with me?”
Joke #11994
A man with two badly burned ears went to see his doctor.
“What happened?” asked the doctor.
“Well,” began the man, “my wife was ironing while I was watching a ball game on TV. She put the hot iron near the telephone and when the phone rang, I answer the iron.”
The doctor nodded. “But what happened to the other ear?”
“No sooner did I hang up,” said the man, “than the same guy called up again!”
Joke #11993
DOCTOR: “Why did you jump in that icy river to retrieve your hat? You could have been killed.”
PATIENT: “I know, but I had to get my hat. If I go without one in the winter, I catch cold.”
Joke #11992
I no longer have faith in my psychiatrist. Last night I saw him in a bar telling his troubles to a bartender.
Joke #11991
Talk about hypochondriacs. Last week my date took me to a drive-in movie…in an ambulance!
Joke #11990
Did you hear about the Australian who ended up in a crazy house? Seems he bought a new boomerang and went nuts trying to throw the old one away.
Joke #11989
DENTIST: “Sorry, but I’m out of gas!”
WOMAN IN THE CHAIR: “Oh, come on now! Do dentists use that old line too?”
Joke #11988
DOCTOR: “Okay now, Mr. Hopper, stick out your tongue…farther…farther…farther.”
MR. HOPPER: “I can’t stick out any farther. It’s connected back there!”
Joke #11987
OPTOMETRIST: “Can you read the chart over there on that wall?”
PATIENT: “Eye chart? I can’t even see the wall.”