“Why are you so sad?”
“My wife just remarried and I don’t have to pay alimony anymore.”
“Well, that’s nothing to be sad about.”
“Yes it is. She married my boss and now I’m fired.”
Joke #13186
Is my wife fat? Let me put it this way. I never put a ring around a tub until we got engaged.
Joke #13185
My aunt is a bill collector. She’s had five husbands and they were all named William.
Joke #13184
My wife wouldn’t agree to us having adjoining funeral plots. She says that knowing the way I sleep, I’d probably hog all the sod.
Joke #13183
My older sister is a real dog. Last Christmas Santa left a flea collar in her stocking.
Joke #13182
“I’ve got the best wife a married man could have,” boasted the old-timer.
To which his friend replied, “Oh, you’re a widower too?”
Joke #13181
I met my wife at the track. I went to the races to bet on a nag and ended up saddled with one for life.
Joke #13180
Give a teenaged girl an inch, and she’ll make a string bikini out of it.
Joke #13179
Pity the poor husband who leads such a dull life that he looks forward to dental appointments.
Joke #13178
HUSBAND: “My wife is into jogging. Every morning she runs down to the bank to make a withdrawal.”
Joke #13177
“Yesterday my wife teased her hair and it looks like she really made it mad!”
Joke #13176
The cost of living is so high that now the only thing that the average husband can put aside for a rainy day is an umbrella.
Joke #13175
AL: “I just got rid of a nagging headache.”
HAL: “How did you do it?”
AL: “I sent her back to her mother’s.”
Joke #13174
A mother who has a neat housekeeper looked at her teenaged son’s messy room and said, “Just because we live in a ranch house, that’s no excuse for your room to look like a stable!”
Joke #13173
My wife is really suspicious. If I tell her I’m sitting up a with a pal who has a bad cold, I’d better come home sniffling and sneezing.