PRISONER 2369076: “You mean to say you’re in jail because you’re very sentimental?”
PRISONER 7230964: “Yep! I put my wife’s picture on the 10-dollar bills I was making.”
Joke #13231
JUDGE: “Mr. Jonas, after hearing all the evidence in the divorce case, I think we should give your wife two hundred dollars a week.”
MR. JONAS: “That’s nice of you. I’ll chip in five bucks.”
Joke #13230
PATIENT: “Doctor, my hearing is very bad.”
DOCTOR (shouting): “Do your ears ring?”
PATIENT: “Huh?”
DOCTOR (shouting): “Do your ears ring?”
PATIENT: “Huh?”
DOCTOR (under his breath): “Boy, is this guy stupid!”
PATIENT: “I heard that!”
Joke #13229
At long last we’ve found the answer to the question. “What’s up, Doc?” It’s malpractice insurance rates.
Joke #13228
“He started out as a dentist, but later he became a world famous brain surgeon.”
“How did he make such a big change?”
“His drill slipped.”
Joke #13227
When the price of medical services being sky high, the only people who can afford to be hypochondriacs are millionaires.
Joke #13226
There’s a famous epitaph on the tombstone of the chronic patient. It reads: “I told you I was really sick!”
Joke #13225
Did you hear about the nearsighted dentist who tried to pull a patient’s tooth and ended up removing his tonsils?
Joke #13224
“Nurse, boil the surgical instruments.”
“Ah gee, doctor, just as a change of pace can’t we roast them today?”
Joke #13223
The best exercise you can do to lose weight is to push yourself away from the table three times a day.
Joke #13222
A man frantically rushed into a hospital emergency room with two broken arms. He ran up to the nurse at the desk and shouted, “I need a doctor!”
The nurse calmly nodded and said, “Before we treat you, I have to know one vital fact.”
“I’m not allergic to penicillin,” cried the man. “My heart is fine and I’m not on any medication.”
“That’s good,” said the nurse, “but that’s not the information I need.”
“What is it then?” shouted the man, grimacing in pain.
The nurse replied, “Do you have medical coverage or will you pay cash?”
Joke #13221
My doctor told me to take tranquilizers once a month, right before I get his bill.
Joke #13220
My psychiatrist told me he knows what makes me tick, but he can’t explain what makes me chime on the hour.
Joke #13219
I know a doctor who’s so cheap, every time he goes home for Christmas he charges his parents for a house call.
Joke #13218
“Doctor, what’s the quickest cure for double vision?”
“Shut one eye!”