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Game Reviews, Games

Duck Hunter, The (PC) Review

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Developer: The GM Place

  The Duck Hunter (PC) (1,002.1 KiB, 1,096 hits)

Game by The GM Place, made with Game Maker.

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Overview:

Welcome to Adventurous Dave’s Duck Shooting Show. In this show, you will see things that you should not see, like birds that aren’t even ducks getting shot. Ok forget the show idea. There really isn’t one duck in this game. What kind of a game called Duck Hunter doesn’t have a duck in it?

Graphics:

They were all ripped from somewhere. Was that Tweety I just saw there?

Sound:

Uhh this game is stupid, the sound doesn’t help it at all.

Gameplay:

Really bad. When you click one of the goddam birds it doesn’t die most of the time.

Crappiest Part:

The crappiest part is the name. It disgraced the name Duck Hunt, by putting an “er” on the end and put all these birds that aren’t ducks in it. And there’s even clocks flying through the air. What genius thought that shit up? “Hey, let’s have a game, where a bunch of different birds, no ducks though, and clocks are flying through the air, and you have to point and click to shoot them, but half the time, you don’t kill them when you should have. Let’s name it Duck Hunter.” Yeah, great idea.

Overall Score:

This is a horrible game. Not much else to say about it. 1/10.

  The Duck Hunter (PC) (1,002.1 KiB, 1,096 hits)

Game by The GM Place, made with Game Maker.

Games, Game Reviews

Downtown in Crazy Town (PC) Review

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Developer: GZ Soft

  Downtown in Crazy Town (PC) (4.1 MiB, 1,137 hits)

Game by GZ Soft, made with Game Maker.

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Overview:

You drive a car around a small city running over various things but mostly smashing crates.

Graphics:

Pretty good. the wheels turn when you turn the car and the car shows damage. The area you drive around in isn’t huge, but it’s big enough.

Sound:

It’s bad. The car makes an annoying engine sound that loops forever.

Gameplay:

It’s fun to play, although the smashing crates thing is kinda stupid. Somebody lost their load so you have to drive a car through something like a hundred crates scattered all over the road… right. Then there’s these ogre things that push your car away if you hit them.

Crappiest Part:

How the car makes an annoying engine sound that loops forever.

Overall Score:

yeah… it’s a good game. I give it a

8/10

  Downtown in Crazy Town (PC) (4.1 MiB, 1,137 hits)

Game by GZ Soft, made with Game Maker.

Game Reviews, Games

Decay Haven (PC) Review

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Developer: Pixelopolis

  Decay Haven (PC) (1.0 MiB, 1,939 hits)

Game by Pixelopolis, made with Game Maker.

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Overview:

you’re a mouse….with an uzi….okayyyyyyy……

Graphics:

The graphics are actually pretty good. I like how the mice look, and how the pieces of the things you shoot fly toward the screen…which I don’t really see why it would actually happen..

Sound:

The music was pretty good, I liked it. The bullet firing sound is good…yeah..

Gameplay:

jump and shoot. prety simple huh? WRONG. Its hard to jump sometimes and you can only shoot to the left.

Crappiest Part:

WELL….the whole game, lets try?

Overall Score:

I understand this game has nothing to it yet, so i guess this is pretty much a preview, but since we just do reviews here, i’m grading it as a complete game. The game runs smoothly, I like the potential of it, and hope to play it when it is done, so i gave it a very generous:

5/10

  Decay Haven (PC) (1.0 MiB, 1,939 hits)

Game by Pixelopolis, made with Game Maker.

Games, Game Reviews

Dark Caves II: Lost in Egypt (PC) Review

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Developer: Hellbound’s Games

  Dark Caves 2 (PC) (728.7 KiB, 1,868 hits)

Game by Hellbound's Games, made with Game Maker.

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Overview:

Here we are again, in another Dark Caves game. But this time, we’re in Egypt! Hooray! This is the “sequel” to Hellbound’s Dark Caves, which was also originally a C64 game (2 different games)

Graphics:

Once again, there are very good graphics here, and a very nice job of making everything look like Egypt.

Sound:

The same sounds are used again from the last one. Nothing too annoying, nothing too good though.

Gameplay:

The gameplay is exactly the same as from the first one. And the goal is pretty much the same. This is pretty much the same game with different themed levels.

Crappiest Part:

There isn’t too much of anything crappy in this game. The game is kind of boring though, just like the last one, but with all the different spikes and enemies, which are obviously only in Egypt, it makes it less boring than the first one.

Overall Score:

This game is a bit easier in the starting out levels than the first few in the first one, but I know that it probably gets really hard. This is definitely for someone who wants to get frustrated, and will want to play a hard game. The game is very smooth running, which is a big plus, because so many games made with Game Maker aren’t. 8/10.

  Dark Caves 2 (PC) (728.7 KiB, 1,868 hits)

Game by Hellbound's Games, made with Game Maker.

Game Reviews, Games

Dark Caves (PC) Review

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Developer: Hellbound’s Games

  Dark Caves (PC) (712.3 KiB, 1,847 hits)

Game by Hellbound's Games, made with Game Maker.

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Overview:

This is a recreation of Dark Caves, which I assume was once on the Commodore 64, which I don’t even know what is, except that I guess it was a computer? Anyway, besides the point of me not knowing computer history that doesn’t matter in the long run, this is basically a side scrolling puzzle/adventure game kind of thing.

Graphics:

The graphics are moderate. They’re not bad, but they’re not exceedingly good either.

Sound:

There wasn’t any music, but the sound effects were ok.

Gameplay:

Its the basic set of commands, with the arrow keys. Up used your jetpack and down uses bombs. You can also shoot stupid lasers and kill yourself.

Crappiest Part:

The boring-ness of the game. This game is just kind of boring, and there’s nothing that will make you want to really play too much longer. And its really easy to die if you don’t watch yourself and know what you’re doing.

Overall Score:

This isn’t that great of a game, but its a smooth running game with no really annoying things in it except the difficulty. But because its boring and there’s not really much that makes you want to play it, it gets a

6/10

  Dark Caves (PC) (712.3 KiB, 1,847 hits)

Game by Hellbound's Games, made with Game Maker.

Game Reviews, Games

Cyclop Force (PC) Review

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Developer: Urisoft

  Cyclop Force (PC) (1.5 MiB, 2,069 hits)

Game by Urisoft, made with Game Maker.

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Overview:

wow…where to start? i dont know what to say. In this game, you’re a cyclops….and….you shoot…..a gun….that’s about it. There’s only 2 modes, a Vs. mode (against someone on the same computer, using the same keyboard) and “training” in which you shoot a target, that half the time is hard to get to in the time allowed or is somewhere you cant get to.

Graphics:

The graphics are not that great at all. I liked the idea about all the different types of characters and maps. Though, you can’t really even tell that the characters ARE cyclopses, because you only see them from a side view. They just look like eggs…

Sound:

The music is the best thing about this game. This game actually has the best music in a Game Maker game i have ever played.

Gameplay:

Ok, the gameplay sucks so much. The controls are HORRIBLE and it took me at least 10 or 15 minutes just to get the hang of it. It could’ve been done a lot better. The aiming system is also really bad, because its hard to control your aiming WHILE you are trying to move and jump around. The training mode is bad, too. The actual good things about this game, is that it has a nice split screen for the Vs. Mode, a lot of different characters to choose from (with different “special” abilities each), and again, the music. Jumping is very hard to do in this game, because you cant land on the place that you’re supposed to jump onto, but have to kind of get onto the side and then jump again to get on the ledge.

Crappiest Part:

How there’s no musical jukebox thing that you can just listen to the music. But, the real crappiest part is the whole game.

Overall Score:

This is really one of the worst games i’ve ever had the nightmare of playing, with only the music to really say “hey that was good” about, I give it a:

3/10

  Cyclop Force (PC) (1.5 MiB, 2,069 hits)

Game by Urisoft, made with Game Maker.

Game Reviews, Games

Contra: Legacy of War (PS) Review

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Developer: Konami | Overall: 1/10

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You may like Contra, but this is one Contra you have to hate. This is an impossible game to beat without cheats. There are 2 CG movies that have nothing to do with the game, and it has the cheesiest graphics you’ve seen in a while. In Contra: Legacy of War, Frankenstein is the master of the universe, and he talks for at least 5 minutes, and you don’t even know what he says, cause he mumbles like a silly bitch. He also thinks your greatest nightmare is all the bosses you beat in the game. You get to beat all of them again in the same match, somewhere near the end. So that means, you get to beat each boss 3 times.

You can’t even fight Frankenstein! On the last boss, his face is waving around the screen, so you can barely see what’s happening. Did I mention there is an alien named Bubba in it that you can be? When you beat the last boss, which you already beat before, his face goes away and you beat the game.

There’s also one stage that is a planet, and you can walk around the whole planet in less than 10 seconds. When you beat the game, the planet blows up, and on one piece of the planet, there is a paper-cut-out of the guys you can pick on the players select screen.

There is also 2 mini-games that is the worst 2 “arcade” games ever. One of them got blown up by stimpyismyname, so I don’t know how crappy that one is. The other one, is the crappiest version of a mix of Space Invaders/Asteroids/Milipede/Centipede game you’ll ever find!

You go around in a circle on the edge of the screen, and if there is 2 players, you stop when you hit the other guy, going around in the circle. Then you have to go around in a circle with them. It was possibly their mode of space travel, but we doubt it.

In conclusion, this game sucks the dicks of everyone that made this game. And when we say everyone, it is actualy about 10 people. We counted them from the credits. They’re probably mostly women too. Which is why it came out so pussy. Good job, Konami, I salute you for a job well done on making one of the worst games ever and crushing the name “Contra” forever. I hope you’re happy, cause I’m not!

 

From a review of Contra: Legacy of War: “You also get some cheesy 3d glasses with the game. Turn on 3d mode in the game, but on the blue and red glasses, and get ready for a headache. There is some slight depth perception at the expense of all the color, and a flickering screen. Its just a worthless gimmick. There was no point in including it, except for fancy packaging… I mean, who couldn’t pass up 3d glasses!?”

cooooool… in contra legacy of war you get 3d glasses… that must have been why it wasn’t so good…

Game Reviews, Games

Collapse Deluxe (PC) Review

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Developer: Microsoft

  Collapse Deluxe (PC) (1.3 MiB, 2,075 hits)

Game by Microsoft.

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Overview:

Collapse Deluxe is the deluxe version of Collapse, and as you may or may not know, Collapse is a game that looks kind of like Tetris, but isn’t. In this game, you point and click, over and over and over. You have to click the different colored boxes if there is 3 or more connected. Not diagonally though, that would be too easy.

Graphics:

There are some purdy boxes there.

Sound:

They are good sounds for a game that you click boxes.

Gameplay:

Its easy gameplay, you point and click and hope you don’t get the boxes all the way up to the top without being able to click anything. The boxes appear out of the bottom, and as you go on through the levels it goes faster…so you have to go faster. Don’t be frightened about the bomb though, it won’t hurt you, it’ll actually help you, cause it blows the shit out of everything around it. BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

Crappiest Part:

The replay value. I don’t really like playing this game at all too much. All you do is click fucking boxes, and they disappear! What is fun about this? Oh wow they make a sparkle when they disappear or there’s a bomb that blows the shit boxes up. Big whoop. I saw Collapse Deluxe II when I was getting the download link for this game, so maybe there’s a little hope for a better game.

Overall Score:

Since this is a professional game, and not a game made by an amatuer, its on a different scale of what I would rate it. But the score is on the same scale. 2/10.

  Collapse Deluxe (PC) (1.3 MiB, 2,075 hits)

Game by Microsoft.

Game Reviews, Games

Clintario Part One: The Creations of Doctor Gobbo (PC) Review

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Developer: Gizmo Games

  Clintario (PC) (2.1 MiB, 1,918 hits)

Game by Gizmo Games, made with Game Maker.

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Overview:

This is a side scroller…like Mario…same sounds and everything…the annoying coin sound…the stupid enemies…the annoying coin sound…and even less of a story than Mario. There IS no story…well its about the same now that I think about it.

Graphics:

Average. The background was kind of interesting…and the enemies are really simple drawings.

Sound:

I like the music a lot actually…but the annoying coin sound balances the sound out to a 0, meaning its not good and its not bad.

Gameplay:

Simple enough. You’d think that the up arrow would be jump, but its actually the space bar. that’s the only annoying thing. Also the fact that you have to jump realllllllly long lenghts is kind of annoying, because if you’re way into the room, it starts you over.

Crappiest Part:

Umm…I don’t like this game too much…I have no idea why I’m playing it, because there’s no story.

Overall Score:

This isn’t a good game, if it were more complete I might give it a better score, but it really wouldn’t have gotten much more. The ANNOYING as hell coin sound is stupid as hell….GO TO HELL! I give it a:

6/10

  Clintario (PC) (2.1 MiB, 1,918 hits)

Game by Gizmo Games, made with Game Maker.

Game Reviews, Games

Cliff Gunner (PC) Review

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Developer: Blackrat Studios

  Cliff Gunner (PC) (1.5 MiB, 1,881 hits)

Game by Blackrat Studios, made with Game Maker.

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Overview:

Cliff Gunner is basically an updated version of Space Invaders, with better drawings, and not much anything more different.

Graphics:

The graphics are nice. I like the buildings. The ships and UFO things are kinda weird looking though. But hey, who am I to say that an alien ship looks weird? It may even be the gay ships that have come to attack Earth so they can rule it and suck off all the other alien cock they wanted without persecution.

Sound:

Its ok. The air siren is sort of annoying after the first 2 seconds.

Gameplay:

Simple enough. You point and click the ships and missiles that are coming down at the city, and try not to have anything blow up the city.

Crappiest Part:

Well, the crappiest part would be how its not really that exciting to just blow up missiles and stuff. Its more fun to blow up the city yourself. That’s what I thought I was supposed to do the first time around. Then it said I lost. Why can’t there be a game like that, that you go from city to city and blow all their shitty buildings up? WHY!??!

Overall Score:

This is a good game, but there’s not much that is different from Space Invaders. The scenery and all the sprites are easy on the eyes, but I have to give a 7/10, because there is nothing new in this, that I’ve seen.

  Cliff Gunner (PC) (1.5 MiB, 1,881 hits)

Game by Blackrat Studios, made with Game Maker.

Game Reviews, Games

Christmas Crunch (PC) Review

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Developer: CapnChubby

  Christmas Crunch (PC) (664.5 KiB, 2,027 hits)

Game by capnchubby, made with GameMaker.

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Overview:

I couldn’t really read the menus, but you control a bunch of icons like socks and santa heads. They all move when you go left, etc. The goal is to get them into thier individual goals without hitting any diamonds.

Graphics:

menus are kinda cool, though hard to read. I don’t like to take off points for that kinda thing, though. The other stuff is pretty boring.

Sound:

Really starts to piss you off, since it’s the same thing over and over. Well, actually more, but all Christmas songs sound the same.The scream when you die scares the crap outta you. who knew socks could scream so loud?

Gameplay:

Original. Not too fun to play, but it makes you think. Sometimes it screws up and the block off guys you control split up a little.

Crappiest Part:

How it’s GAY! GAY GAY GAY!! There, I said it…

Overall Score:

5/10

  Christmas Crunch (PC) (664.5 KiB, 2,027 hits)

Game by capnchubby, made with GameMaker.

Game Reviews, Games

Chip Buffington (PC) Review

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Developer: gamezwhiz

  Chip Buffington (PC) (1.6 MiB, 1,896 hits)

Game by gamezwhiz, made with GameMaker.

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Overview:

The title screen was a bit cheesy, but i’m not here to talk about that….basically what you do in this game is…collect coins which i don’t know what you do with, get keys and then use them to open the door to go to the next level (if there even is one). And boy, let me tell you right now: What an involving storyline.

Graphics:

I swear that title screen really spoiled it for me. oh yeah i said i wouldn’t talk about it anymore. The graphics are moderate, they’re not great, but they’re not bad.

Sound:

The music is OK, it “sets the mood” but its kind of annoying, along with the sound effects…nothing you can really dance to, if you want me to be frank. But my names not Frank.

Gameplay:

Gameplay is pretty much like Pac-Man, but you can jump…and you get coins…and you get keys…i don’t know why it takes 4 keys to open 1 door, its like living in the ghetto where you have to have 5 locks on your door to feel secure. This game is so stupidly hard, too. You can’t kill the monsters except by losing a life, and on top of that, they shoot little pink things to make it even harder to beat. ARRGHHH!

Crappiest Part:

How it mixes 15.3% Chips’ Challenge and 84% Pac-Man into a hard game. The other 0.7% is shit.

Overall Score:

With all “jokes” aside, this is a basic sidescroller, and he did an ok job making the concept, by mixing 2 old games. But its not the best game around, nor is there too much to keep you entertained if you’re stuck in the first level (like i was). I give it a:

7/10

  Chip Buffington (PC) (1.6 MiB, 1,896 hits)

Game by gamezwhiz, made with GameMaker.

Game Reviews, Games

Chao Virtual Pet System (PC) Review

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Developer: Keyro Productions Inc.

  Chao (PC) (1.2 MiB, 2,083 hits)

Game by Keyro Productions Inc., made with GameMaker.

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Overview:

This is a virtual pet system, that is a little bit deeper than the Tomagotchi shit everyone and their grandmas had a long time ago.

Graphics:

The graphics are average…there aren’t too many different things that are drawn really..

Sound:

The music is pretty good, but after like about 10 minutes of doing nothing but feeding bars of shit and junk like that to your Chao, it won’t be so giddy and happy…except annoying and aneurysmic

Gameplay:

Uhhhhhhhhh….you drag and drop the shit for the Chao to eat…and that’s it…you don’t do anything else.

Crappiest Part:

Well…how it takes so long for the Chao to do anything. I didn’t even SEE it do anything because it took so long. Its just really annoying. Another thing is, you can’t kill your Chao.

Overall Score:

This isn’t fun…I’d only open this game to listen to the music. And the depth that I was talking about before, well its useless depth, you don’t do anything in this game.

5/10

  Chao (PC) (1.2 MiB, 2,083 hits)

Game by Keyro Productions Inc., made with GameMaker.

Game Reviews, Games

Blood of War 3: Operation Snow (PC) Review

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Developer: JCS Games

  Blood of War 3: Operation Snow (1.5 MiB, 1,907 hits)

Game by JCS Games, made with GameMaker.

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Overview:

Blood of War 3 Operation Snow only has one thing going for it. Its name. Now that makes you think. At first sight, Blood of War 3 Operation Snow seems like its a good name, right? Or does it? Its actually really fucking stupid, because there is no fucking snow. Not even yellow snow. And there’s no blood. And there’s no war. And this seems like its a “3rd in the series” kind of game because of the 3. The truth is, I don’t see how this could be the 3rd game of anything, because usually games get better as they get sequels. This game is like a prime cut piece of ass. I think the 3 was just tossed on there for the hell of it, to make it seem like this game was a part of a popular series. But it isn’t. Its all ass, and this ass tastes bad. Very bad.

Graphics:

Bad. The sprites don’t even move. They just slide around. Bullets are big black lines, and there’s a stupid assortment of shitty weapons that don’t even look good when they’re used. This stupid war is being fought in Cement World where everything and everyone is made out of cement. People are colored, so you know they’re people and not walls. When people get shot, they disintegrate into a pile of mush. If they get electrocuted, they change different colors and then disappear. If they get burned with the flamethrower, they fall into a pile of mush. There are these weird crystal things floating out of nowhere, that seem to give you more ammo for your electrocuter…

Sound:

Horrible. The only semi-good sound effect is the gun shot sound. There’s an annoying screaming sound for a soldier when they die by electrocution.

Gameplay:

This game is so fucking boring. There’s nothing to do in this game. All you do is shoot the enemy, or get hit by as many bullets as you can before the game decides to randomly restart the level so you’re back to what you originally had for your health and ammo. This game is bullshit. I don’t see how anyone can have fun playing a game that lets you slide around in a Cement World filled with stupid blue soldiers shooting each other’s dicks off and then shooting them at you so you can eat them.

The flamethrower doesn’t even work right, because when you press Alt, it pauses the game because the game thinks you want to do something with the actual window.

Crappiest Part:

I hate this game. Its 11:30 pm right now, and I’m tired as fuck. This is not the greatest game to play at any time of day, especially this late at night, but nothing can impair my decision about this game sucking the balls of every man (or woman?) within a 5 mile radius of each computer this stupid fucking game is on.

Overall Score:

I’ll tell you something about how this game is good. Getting an extremely low review score.

1/10

  Blood of War 3: Operation Snow (1.5 MiB, 1,907 hits)

Game by JCS Games, made with GameMaker.

Game Reviews, Games

Battlefield 1942 (PC) Review

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Developer: DICE / Publisher: EA Games

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Overview:

The War might be over, but not the slew of games based on it. Don’t get me wrong, I like World War II games that aren’t shitty. Battlefield 1942 definitely isn’t a shitty game. Its actually one of the best games I’ve played. And one of the only PC games I have. I don’t have too many, and this is definitely a must-have for first-person shooter games. And it seems to all be historically accurate. It has the same sort of “realistic” gameplay as Counterstrike, while still making it fun.

Graphics:

The graphics are great. You really can’t get much better right now with these graphics. Of course there’s some exceptions right now, but this is good enough for me. The graphics could get better, but I wouldn’t really care for it too much, unless it was made a little more realistic.

Sound:

The sounds of all the different guns and vehicles are good enough for me. They’re not really that annoying either because when you’re gunning down an enemy, all you care about is killing them.

Gameplay:

The gameplay is just like a regular first-person shooter. There is a single player mode, but I usually play online. The online mode is exactly the same as the single player mode except its not a career, and your computer doesn’t have to do all the work of computing the actions of the dozen or so other guys on the map. Its also a lot more fun online, because you can play with your friends, or you can just play with other people who are usually smarter than the computer.

Crappiest Part:

The crappiest part about the game is the long load times. The maps are huge, so I understand why it takes so long. It just takes away from the game to have long load times.

Overall Score:

This game is loads of fun, and with mods you can install, the replay value of this game is very high. The best mod out right now is called Desert Combat, and I am actually playing it more than Battlefield 1942.

10/10