Contra: Legacy of War (PS) Review

Developer: Konami | Overall: 1/10

You may like Contra, but this is one Contra you have to hate. This is an impossible game to beat without cheats. There are 2 CG movies that have nothing to do with the game, and it has the cheesiest graphics you’ve seen in a while. In Contra: Legacy of War, Frankenstein is the master of the universe, and he talks for at least 5 minutes, and you don’t even know what he says, cause he mumbles like a silly bitch. He also thinks your greatest nightmare is all the bosses you beat in the game. You get to beat all of them again in the same match, somewhere near the end. So that means, you get to beat each boss 3 times.

You can’t even fight Frankenstein! On the last boss, his face is waving around the screen, so you can barely see what’s happening. Did I mention there is an alien named Bubba in it that you can be? When you beat the last boss, which you already beat before, his face goes away and you beat the game.

There’s also one stage that is a planet, and you can walk around the whole planet in less than 10 seconds. When you beat the game, the planet blows up, and on one piece of the planet, there is a paper-cut-out of the guys you can pick on the players select screen.

There is also 2 mini-games that is the worst 2 “arcade” games ever. One of them got blown up by stimpyismyname, so I don’t know how crappy that one is. The other one, is the crappiest version of a mix of Space Invaders/Asteroids/Milipede/Centipede game you’ll ever find!

You go around in a circle on the edge of the screen, and if there is 2 players, you stop when you hit the other guy, going around in the circle. Then you have to go around in a circle with them. It was possibly their mode of space travel, but we doubt it.

In conclusion, this game sucks the dicks of everyone that made this game. And when we say everyone, it is actualy about 10 people. We counted them from the credits. They’re probably mostly women too. Which is why it came out so pussy. Good job, Konami, I salute you for a job well done on making one of the worst games ever and crushing the name “Contra” forever. I hope you’re happy, cause I’m not!


From a review of Contra: Legacy of War: “You also get some cheesy 3d glasses with the game. Turn on 3d mode in the game, but on the blue and red glasses, and get ready for a headache. There is some slight depth perception at the expense of all the color, and a flickering screen. Its just a worthless gimmick. There was no point in including it, except for fancy packaging… I mean, who couldn’t pass up 3d glasses!?”

cooooool… in contra legacy of war you get 3d glasses… that must have been why it wasn’t so good…

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