“I have no doubt he loves you because he has chosen you to be his life, and special partner, and wife, for the rest of his life.”
– the preacher dude in a wedding video davepoobond is editing
Category Archives: Quotes
Quotes, re-enactments, “real-life” chat logs.
Quote #22169
“I can’t stand the words VAGINA and UNDERWEAR. I ask way too many questions because I always want to know why. I have a big heart. I can make 30 minute brownies in 20. I can’t parallel park and refuse to learn. :)”
– a girl’s dating profile
Quote #22168
“I have the confidence of the hot tall blonde with DDs even tho I’m a petite 5’2” brunette (but always wearing heels) and love my small boobies.”
– a girl’s dating profile
Quote #22167
“Oh and pps if you really want to talk to me, talk to Me, don’t try to go hit on my friends after you meet or see them. Cuz I will drop you just like the economy, I’m just sayin.”
– from a girl’s dating profile
Quote #22164
“Now, as Peter’s older brother, umm… I’m basically known him since he was born. Basically his entire life.”
– Paul, Peter’s brother. From a wedding video davepoobond was editing.
Quote #22162
About Me:
“WELL MY NAME iS STEFANiE MANY OF MY FRiENDS CALL ME STEFFiEPOOH OR STEFFiE. iM iN LOVE WiTH ANYTHiNG THAT HAS 2 DO WiTH CUPCAKES. i HAVE WHAT i CONSiDER A NiCE BODY. i HAVE CURVES iN ALL THE RiGHT PLACES. iVE BEEN IN AND OUT OF THE DATiNG GAME FOR THE LAST 2 YEARS JUST GOT OUT OF A SERiOUS RELATiONSHiP. AT THE MOMMENT iM NOT LOOKiNG 2 JUMP iN2 A RELATiONSHiP BUT i DO WANNA JUST KiCK iT WiTH SOMEONE KOOL NO JUDGEMENTS AND MAYBE THEN iT CAN LEAD 2 MORE. i AM WORKiNG ON MYSELF. BEEN THRU ALOT LATELY. i LOVE 2 WORK OUT. iTS BECOMiNG A PART OF ME. i AM 420 FRiENDLY. PLEASE ONCE AGAiN iF U DONT AGREE WiTH PPL WHO SMOKE WEED THEN JUST KEEP MOViN ON CUZ NOT EVERYONE WHO SMOKES iS BAD OR A TROUBLEMAKER OR A LOSER. i LOVE 2 BE OUTDOORS. i LOVE 2 CUDDLE AND SPEND TiME WiTH FRiENDS AND FAMiLY. i LOVE ALL SORTS OF MUSiC EXCEPT SPANiSH…SORRY NOTHiNG PERSONAL JUST iSNT MY STYLE. DONT MiND iF YOU DO THO :] HONESTLY iM JUST TAKiNG TiME 2 FiND MYSELF AND GET MY LiFE TOGETHER. iVE GROWN UP ALOT AND iVE RELiZED WHATS iMPORTANT. WANNA KNOW MORE HIT ME UP…”
– from a girl’s dating profile
Quote #22161
Joe and Je’von are in different rooms, but close enough where they can yell at each other.
–
Joe: Hey! ……………….What are you doing?
Je’von: My makeup.
Joe: What are you doing??
Je’von: My makeup!
Joe: What are you doing??
Je’von: MY MAKEUP!
Joe: What?
Je’von: MY MAKEUP! I SAID IT THREE TIMES!
Joe: ……………your makeup?
– at davepoobond’s house
Quote #22158
First Date:
“Beat each other up or something”
– a girl’s dating profile
Quote #22155
About Me:
“this is whack.com. LOL. i dont know why i sighed up for this. Maybe cause imma wakko. but hai. i like tattoos 3 and i love food. I love tegan and sara. I love taking back sunday. my hobbies are tv and eating. BLAH this is lame. why do all the hot guys smoke weed UGH”
Interests:
“food dood. 3 key to mah heart. DUH. i like cookie dough icecream and chipotle. LOL.”
– from a dating profile
Quote #22154: Internet Access Thing — Not Available in Arizona
::A customer from another state calls the phone.::
Guy From Arizona: Hello?
davepoobond: Hi, how can I help you?
Guy From Arizona: Do you guys sell any of those 2004 World Series Shirts anymore?
davepoobond: No, we’ve been sold out of those for a couple years.
Guy From Arizona: Ah, shit, dammit, fuck!
davepoobond: Ummm….
Guy From Arizona: Do you guys have a catalog?
davepoobond: No, I’m sorry, we have a web site where —
Guy From Arizona: Ah shit. I don’t have Internet Access Thing.
davepoobond: Oh… sorry.
Guy From Arizona: Can you drive me down some shirts?
davepoobond: Um… sure, for a thousand dollars haha.
Guy From Arizona: Really?
– at davepoobond’s job, 6/5/07
Quote #22153: Lola’s Forgotten Present
::Billy is reading a book and a picture of his ex-girlfriend from 11th grade pops out and falls on the floor.::
::davepoobond picks it up off the floor and on the back, is written…::
2: My Dearest Bugs or Googely Bear AKA Billy =)
Here is a brand new pic of your sexy bunny for you to drool over. Enjoy.
Don’t get too happy.
11th grade 02-03
<3 always, Lola
::After reading the back out loud, davepoobond turns the picture around and acts shocked, mostly cause of how she looks, which is more on the unattractive side than the latter::
davepoobond: I’m keeping this for my journal, are you sure you don’t want it?
Billy: No! I DON’T WANT IT!!!
– at davepoobond’s job, 6/5/07
Quote #22152
Man With Moustache: When are you guys going to get more of these bobble heads?
Blanker: I don’t know, we get lots of requests for it…
davepoobond: We’ll never get them again, they never order them because that would be too smart.
Blanker: Also, no one even bought them when we had them in stock the first time.
Man With Moustache: Ohhh! I would buy one…
Blanker: Haha, we’ll give you a call when they come in.
Man With Moustache: Oh, thanks.
davepoobond: Yeah, we’ll give you a call when they come in. You don’t even have to leave your phone number.
– at davepoobond’s job, 6/3/07
Quote #22151: Where’s the Bathroom?
::Female customer asks where the bathroom is.::
davepoobond: Past the escalator and to the right.
::davepoobond points in the direction she should go.::
::The customer goes past the escalator in the wrong direction, announcing her actions as she does so::
Customer: PAST THE ESCALATOR… AND TO THE RIGHT????
::Customer looks in the completely opposite direction she should be going.::
davepoobond: Umm… no, that way.
Customer: That’s the left!
::Customer goes out of sight. davepoobond and David Arr just laugh.::
::davepoobond then imitates exactly what the customer did and they just crack up at how stupid what just happened was.::
– at davepoobond’s job, 6/2/07
Quote #22150
::Guy goes by picture frames with pictures of winning teams in the bookstore, and throws a fist in the air like he’s cheering it.::
::Then the guy gets on the escalator, throws up horns as he gets out of sight.::
– at davepoobond’s job, 6/1/07
Quote #22149
::davepoobond is at the register and is doing something with a void slip (a piece of paperwork saying why a transaction was canceled). It was fairly important.::
Female Customer: Can I pay for this here?
::A male customer walks up next to her::
davepoobond: Ummmm… sureeeeeee, but I’m doing something right now.
::davepoobond sidesteps to the other end of Customer Service as Maria Sweden steps over to the register. She proceeds to smack davepoobond on the shoulder for not ringing up the girl::
Male Customer: GREAT CUSTOMER SERVICE MAN, GREAT CUSTOMER SERVICE. Way to do your job.
::davepoobond just shrugs and resumes to try to look busy doing the void slip::
–
Later…
–
Maria Sweden: Did you know that guy?
davepoobond: No…
Maria Sweden: You didn’t?
davepoobond: Never seen that guy before in my life.
Maria Sweden: Seriously? That was pretty cheeky to have done that…
davepoobond: Cheeky?
Maria Sweden: Yeah, cheeky, you don’t know what cheeky means?
::davepoobond rolls his eyes::
– at davepoobond’s job, 5/30/2007
If you don’t get the joke, Maria didn’t know what cheeky meant herself. The definition of “cheeky” is “impudent or irreverent, typically in an endearing or amusing way.”