The minister looked at his congregation and said, “Brothers and sisters, today my sermon will be about liars. I refer to Matthew, chapter thirty, verse five. How many of you are familiar with it?”
As the minister looked around, half of the people before him raised their hands. “You are the people I want to address my sermon to,” announced the minister. “There is no Matthew, chapter thirty, verse five.”
The golf match to end all golf matches was played up in Heaven by St. Peter and St. Paul. St. Peter had the honor of the first tee and promptly made a hole in one.
St. Paul, undaunted, repeated the performance.
St. Peter marked the scores down dutifully on his card, then remarked, “What do you say, Paul? Let’s cut out the miracles and get down to business!”
Did you hear about the dumb sports fan who thought the St. Louis Cardinals were managed by the Pope?
I’m not very handy at making things. If I’d have been Noah, the only way I could have saved the animals would have been if God sent down an inflatable rubber raft.
The Lord created all men equal, but gave them different earning potentials.
Q: What do you call a priest on a cell phone?
A: A roamin’ Catholic.
Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as the altar boy.
Q: What’s the difference between acne and a Catholic Priest?
A: Acne comes on your face after puberty.
Q: How do you castrate a priest?
A: Kick the altar boy in the head.