Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A: By doing the splits.
Category Archives: Jokes
The whole Joke archive. Tons of jokes!
Joke #8872
Q: What did the blonde’s left leg say to her right leg?
A: Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.
Joke #8871
Q: Did you hear about the new blonde paint?
A: It’s not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.
Joke #8870
This woman was having an affair during the day while her husband was at work.
One day she was in bed with her boyfriend and she heard her husband’s car pull in the driveway. She yelled at the boyfriend “Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window; my husband is home early!”
The boyfriend looked out the window and said, “I can’t jump out the window! It’s raining like crazy out there and I’m naked!” She said, “If my husband catches us in here, he will kill both of us!” So the boyfriend grabbed his clothes and jumped out the window!
When he landed outside he was in the middle of a “running marathon,” so he started to run along beside the others – only he was still in the nude, carrying his clothes over his arm.
One of the runners asked, “Do you always run in the nude?”
He answered, while gasping for breath, “Oh yes. It feels so free having the air blow over my skin while I’m running.”
Another runner then asked the nude lover, “Do you always run carrying your clothes on your arm?”
The naked lover answered breathlessly, “Oh yes. That way I can get dressed at the end of the run and get in my car and just go straight home without a shower!”
The marathon runner then asked, “Do you always wear a condom when you run?”
The nude man answered, “Only if it’s raining…”
Joke #8869
A 6’8″, 280-pound black man walked into a bar, sat down next to a white guy, and said, “I’s big and I’s black and I love to fuck white women!” The guy was so terrified that he put down his beer and ran out of the bar.
The black man moved over next to another white man and said, “I’s big and I’s black and I just loves to fuck white women.” The white guy took one look at him, blanched, and ran out of the bar.
The black then went over to a Polish man who was having a few at the bar and said, “I’s big and I’s black and I loves to fuck white women.”
The Polish man looked at him and said,”I don’t blame you one bit. I wouldn’t fuck a black one either.”
Joke #8868
Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in. “I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession.”
The Sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living.
“I’m a cop,” says the first man.
“Then we will shoot your penis off!”, said the Sheik.
He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living.
“I’m a fireman,” said the second man.
“Then we will burn your penis off!”, said the sheik.
Finally, he asked the last man, “And you, what do you do for a living?”
And the third man answered, “I’m a lollipop salesman!”
Joke #8867
You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner.
So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.
He responded, “Sure. You carry the suitcases!”
Joke #8866
“Cash, check or charge?” I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I notice a remote control for a television set in her purse.
“Do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.
“No,” she said. “But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the worst thing I could do to him.”
Joke #8865
A troop of Boy Scouts was being used as “guinea pigs” in a test of emergency systems. A mock earthquake was staged, and the Scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for by the emergency units.
One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout lay “wounded” for several hours.
When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was supposed to be, they found nothing but this brief note: “Have bled to death and gone home.”
Joke #8864
Prince Charles had injured an eye and is wearing an eye-patch.
Sky News (satellite TV) tonight apparently called him “Your Royal Eyeless.”
Joke #8858
Q: Where do cows go to have fun?
A: The moo-vies!
Joke #8857
Q: Why was the policeman in bed?
A: Because he was an undercover cop.
Joke #8856
Q: What do you call a pony with a cough?
A: A little hoarse.
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Another version of this joke:
Q: When is an alien like a pony?
A: When he’s a little hoarse.
Joke #8855
Q: What do you call Lassie with a rose in her mouth?
A: A cauliflower.
Joke #8854
Q: What do you get when you send a cow to Alaska?
A: Cold cream.