PATIENT: “Well, Doctor, you’ve examined me. Now tell me how do I stand?”
DOCTOR: “It puzzles me too.”
Category Archives: (F) Conversational Joke
Joke #12292
The doctor’s waiting room was packed with patients. After about two hours of waiting and waiting, an old lady stood up and said, “Tell the doc I went home to die a natural death!”
Joke #12291
DERMATOLOGIST: “I think you have poison ivy.”
PATIENT: “Now that’s what I call a rash judgment.”
Joke #12285
PATIENT (on phone): “Doctor, I’ve decided to kill myself.”
PSYCHIATRIST: “Don’t do anything rash until you answer one question for me.”
PATIENT: “What’s that?”
PSYCHIATRIST: “Is your bill paid?”
Joke #12282
PATIENT: “Is it true, Doc, you make a lot of money?”
DOCTOR: “You bet I do. Would you want to trust your health to a doctor who didn’t make a sack of dough?”
Joke #12176
“I just lost my life savings by investing in a new invention.”
“What was the invention?”
“An inflatable dartboard.”
Joke #12159
GAS ATTENDANT: “That’s a neat car you have, mister. How many miles do you get to a gallon?”
CUSTOMER: “I only get about three miles to a gallon. My teen-aged son gets the other twenty.”
Joke #12157
BILL: “Do you know what an incompleted pass is?”
WILL: “Yeah, it’s when you ask a girl out and she says no.”
Joke #12146
HANK: “How did you do at the track today, Frank?”
FRANK: “Not too good. Some folks play a horse to win, some to place, and some to show. But I should have bet my horse to live!”
Joke #12143
One horse player to another: “I bet on a horse today that went off at ten to one. He came in around a quarter to three.”
Joke #12137
HOCKEY PLAYER: “Last year I broke my nose in six places.”
REPORTER: “That’s impossible.”
HOCKEY PLAYER: “No, it isn’t. I broke it in Montreal, New York, Chicago, Atlanta, Los Angeles, and Philadelphia.”
Joke #12091
SERGEANT: “Tell me, soldier, what is the first thing you do when cleaning a rifle?”
PRIVATE: “I take a look at the serial number.”
SERGEANT: “Why do you look at the number, meathead?”
PRIVATE: “To make darn sure I’m cleaning my own rifle.”
Joke #12086
An Air Force fighter pilot radioed the tower the following: “Pilot to tower. Plane on fire. Almost out of fuel and I’m over the ocean 75 miles out at 900 feet. Radio me instructions. What should I do?”
To which the tower replied: “Base to pilot. Repeat after me …. Our Father, who art in heaven ….”
Joke #12085
GENERAL: “Soldier, why didn’t you salute me? Do you know what this star on my shoulder means?”
ROOKIE: “Yep! It means you did good in school today.”
Joke #12084
REPORTER (to general): “What about this weapon you have? Can you tell us about it?”
GENERAL: “It’s the X-nine machine gun. it shoots a hundred rounds a minute, which is faster than my wife can talk.”