Category Archives: Prank IMs

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Prank IMs, Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#10498: davepoobond -> DataSmith

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davepoobond: hey sucka. i hear you like antiques.

DataSmith: yea

davepoobond: that’s cool

davepoobond: just to tell you

davepoobond: y’know, fiddlin around with old stuff

davepoobond: and lookin at it.

DataSmith: always interesting to look at the past

DataSmith: do i know you?

davepoobond: yes….sitting there….looking….at stuff…..

davepoobond: i dont know, maybe you do, maybe you don’t…….!!

DataSmith: well i would suggest you enlighten me either way

davepoobond: why

DataSmith: because i want to know

davepoobond: what difference would it make though

DataSmith: the length of this conversation

davepoobond: good one

davepoobond: made me chuckle

davepoobond: no you don’t but yes i do

davepoobond: what day is st. patricks day on

Previous message was not received by DataBSmith because of error: User DataBSmith is not available.

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::I warn him to 35%::

This guy/girl’s profile was really weird, it had stuff about her/him being a massager, and saying stuff like “i wont take people on the fly now, you have to make an appointment” and he/she charges 10 bucks an hour.

Prank IMs, Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#10465: kalifornia2010 -> davepoobond

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kalifornia2010: THAT WEB SITE IS FUCKING GAY

davepoobond: ur mom is gay

kalifornia2010: YEAH I KNOW

kalifornia2010: SHE

davepoobond: right

kalifornia2010: sleeps wit ur mom

davepoobond: now u can sleep with your dad and keep him company at night

davepoobond: and then go screw a chicken

kalifornia2010: but

davepoobond: and tell a turkey about your feelings

kalifornia2010: i wanna fuck yore smelly ass

davepoobond: about your sexual encounters with the dead

kalifornia2010: i fucked your ass

kalifornia2010: it smelt good

davepoobond: i bet you dug up your dead grandma and fucked her

davepoobond: while she was rotting

kalifornia2010: like pungent oranges

davepoobond: of course everyone is rotting

davepoobond: did you know that?

davepoobond: kalifornia

kalifornia2010: i wanna fuck you ass

davepoobond: hello

davepoobond: did you

davepoobond: hear that

davepoobond: did you hear

davepoobond: what i said

davepoobond: u

davepoobond: are

davepoobond: stupid

davepoobond: u

kalifornia2010: yeah

kalifornia2010: ur mom is gay

kalifornia2010: and your anal

kalifornia2010: STUPID

kalifornia2010: LOL

davepoobond: excuse me?

kalifornia2010: YOUR SITE IS STUPID

kalifornia2010: AND SO ARE YO LOSER

davepoobond: sure it isnt

kalifornia2010: wsquakle?

kalifornia2010: thats for faggots

davepoobond: your ass if for faggats

davepoobond: you have a sign saying “fags only”

kalifornia2010: yeah

kalifornia2010: ok

davepoobond: hangin under your ass

kalifornia2010: high school boy

kalifornia2010: lol

kalifornia2010: fucking your headmasters ass

kalifornia2010: FULL GIRTH

kalifornia2010: IN YOUR ASS

davepoobond: hey hey. my headmaster is a hot 20 year old

kalifornia2010: CMON MAN ADMIT IT

davepoobond: i’m gonna stick your head in a griddle

kalifornia2010: you like my cock in your mouth

davepoobond: oh baby, let me get some A1 and shove it up your ass

davepoobond: that’ll make your face all nice and steak saucey

kalifornia2010: yeah

davepoobond: mmmh can’t you just hear that hair sizzle

kalifornia2010: i got some insturctions for you

davepoobond: mmmmmhhmmmmmhhhh

kalifornia2010: ready?

kalifornia2010: this is for you now

davepoobond: can’t wait till i get some of that nice friend skin

kalifornia2010: make sure u follow directions

kalifornia2010: ANAL SEX

If you didn’t cum on her ass, you might want to lick your fingers work them in her asshole. Or you can just lick her asshole and wiggle your tounge inside her bowels if you like, both will do the tick. Animals are generally not to ound of buttfucking, it hurts them too, only they are used to passng massive amounts of shit so their assholes are a tad looser.

kalifornia2010: Necro-beastiality can be dangerous. You are sticking your dick in dead flesh, and there’s lots of bacteria at work decomposing her body. So, now you have more than just one disease to worry about. But I know how satisfying it can be to fuck a cold, dead pussy. The nice thing is you don’t have to worry if she wants to or not. She’s dead. Also, you don’t have to worry about lubrication. During the course of decaying, the animal’s cunt will be bloated with puss, so once you start to bang all those tastey juices go free!! You might alo want to try oral sex with her. Just bend over and lick up the puss. Don’t attempt anal sex!

Her intestines are stiff, when you pull your dick out, her guts will still be wrapped around your dick and it gets real messy…

davepoobond: a tad eh

davepoobond: where are you gettin this stuff?

davepoobond: your mom?

kalifornia2010: nop

kalifornia2010: your sisters ass

davepoobond: it is pretty big isn’t it

kalifornia2010: had to clear the cum dried frickles away first

kalifornia2010: FINDING AN ANIMAL

Make sure the animal’s cunt is big enough to fit you dick! You haven’t felt pain until you’ve had a donkey crack your nads! Suggested animals- Sheep, cow, horse (if your over 6′), pig. Just go out in the country if you live in the city, or the zoo if you have no wheels.

davepoobond: stupid fucktard.

davepoobond: i dont need that shit

davepoobond: i know it all already

davepoobond: u think i’m in preschool?

kalifornia2010: FOREPLAY

Animals have to get excited, just like humans. Try to pick an animal without a tail, cause usually they have shit caked in the hair. Leave the animal standing, don’t attempt to lay it down. Remember, they fuck standing up ( Unless you choose a cat ). Now, get on your knees and GENTLY grasp her ankles. lose your eyes and slowly run your tounge along the length of her slit. Try to hold your nose, the slime on her uter lips is a mixture of spit, piss, smegma, and whatever else she rubbed her cunt in. Her hips will start to get a little relaxed, and soon her pussy-juice will start to drip down your face. Use your fingers and find her clit if you can. Work a finger in at first, then 2 until her hole is loose enough to bang.

kalifornia2010: >> IMPORTANT STEP

kalifornia2010: Now slip on your rubber. I recommend Trojan(C), lubbed with receptical. Never use ribbed or you’ll get kicked in the nuts again.

kalifornia2010: FUCKING THE ANIMAL

Slowly stand up, you don’t want to destroy the mood she’s in. Animals can be even flakier than real women. Reach down nd spread her cuntlips open. Doesn’t it look great! Now, the hard part. Slowly slide your firm, hard dick up her loose, smelly gash. Once you have it in, hold your position. Let her get used to the feeling of you member inside her. Now slowly grind you pelvis into her ass. I know you’ll be getting shit all over your bush since her asshole is right there, but this will arouse her even more. Don’t be suprised if she farts either, they can’t hold gas when they fuck. SLOWLY thrust in and out. Be sensitive to the needs of your partner, work out a rythem WITH her, don’t be selfish. Occasionally reach down and fondle her clit, her anus, her thighs. She will loe you for it. Now you can quicken the pace and let go of your wad. Sometimes, if the mood is right, you can whip off your rubber and shoot your wad all over her butt, using your cum for lube if you decide to fuck her in the ass later.

davepoobond: U STUPID FUCK

Previous message was not received by kalifornia2010 because of error (9:46:30 PM): User kalifornia2010 is not available.

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I get warned to 35, I warn him to 45.

Chat Logs, Stupid IMs, Prank IMs

#10460: davepoobond -> kalifornia2010

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davepoobond: where’s my money, bitchass whore

kalifornia2010: hi dady

davepoobond: i know you were out last night

davepoobond: where’s my money BITCH

davepoobond: asshole!

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I get warned to 35, so I warn him to 50.

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kalifornia2010: If you didn’t cum on her ass, you might want to lick your fingers work them in her asshole. Or you can just lick her asshole and wiggle your tounge inside her bowels if you like, both will do the tick. Animals are generally not to ound of buttfucking, it hurts them too, only they are used to passng massive amounts of shit so their assholes are a tad looser

davepoobond: not this shit again

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I warn him to 55%

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kalifornia2010: shut your mouth you dumb n*gger, nobody wants to hear n*ggers talk

davepoobond: jo mama does

Previous message was not received by kalifornia2010 because of error: User kalifornia2010 is not available.

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I sign onto a different screen name.

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davepoobond: hey emily

kalifornia2010: hi

davepoobond: how are you

kalifornia2010: fine ty

davepoobond: i’m doing ok

kalifornia2010: thats good

kalifornia2010: you truly are a dumkb n*gger as well

davepoobond: since when do you get into skulls and severed hands? the wallpaper is kinda scary. and the animated skull

davepoobond: for ur buddy icon

davepoobond: fag

davepoobond: fag

davepoobond: fag

davepoobond: fag

davepoobond: fag

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I get warned to 35%

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kalifornia2010: yes i know what a fag you are

davepoobond: ur such a stupid fag

Previous message was not received by kalifornia2010 because of error: User kalifornia2010 is not available.

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And then i warn him to 90% ahahahah

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I sign onto a different screen name.

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davepoobond: hey stupid fool. like being at 90%?

kalifornia2010: oh im so upset, im srying, then realizing what a true loser from birth you really are

davepoobond: ahahahahaha UR GONNA DIEEEEE

kalifornia2010: If you didn’t cum on her ass, you might want to lick your fingers work them in her asshole. Or you can just lick her asshole and wiggle your tounge inside her bowels if you like, both will do the tick. Animals are generally not to ound of buttfucking, it hurts them too, only they are used to passng massive amounts of shit so their assholes are a tad looser

davepoobond: u stupid grandma grave digging fucking up the ass after u do penny wincher

Previous message was not received by kalifornia2010 because of error: User kalifornia2010 is not available.

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I warn him to 100% VICTORY. but whats a victory without rubbing it in their face? I sign onto yet a different screen name.

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davepoobond: can i interest you in a product of ours?

davepoobond: its called Viagra

davepoobond: and 90% of the male population needs it

davepoobond: bwah, how do u like not being able to talk

davepoobond: stupid fool

davepoobond: mwah

davepoobond: mwah

davepoobond: MWAHAHAHAHAH

davepoobond: la la la la, u cant say anythin

davepoobond: and i can talk all i want

davepoobond: and u cant do anything about it

davepoobond: boy this isn’t very interesting anymore

davepoobond: u stupid grandma grave digging fucking up the ass after u do penny wincher

davepoobond: that’s it, i’m done.

davepoobond: :'(

Prank IMs, Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#10436: davepoobond -> OmnipotentDragun

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davepoobond: nerd

OmnipotentDragun: me?

davepoobond: yes

OmnipotentDragun: why’s that?

davepoobond: cuz ur in “Geneaolgy Chat”

OmnipotentDragun: ok . . . . .

OmnipotentDragun: so are you

davepoobond: so i can tell people like u that ur nerds

davepoobond: doyyyyyyy

OmnipotentDragun: Are you smart?

davepoobond: ….no……….wait……..yes…….wait…….is this a trick question?

OmnipotentDragun: Not that I know of

OmnipotentDragun: But we’ll just have to see where the conversation goes

davepoobond: down the potty

davepoobond: teehee

davepoobond: i said potty

davepoobond: thats a naughty word in the house

davepoobond: we’re not aloud to say that kinda word

davepoobond: like poo

davepoobond: or even the word chocolate

OmnipotentDragun: I’m willing to bet that you’re fairly old, atleast in comparison to the way you’re trying to come across as

davepoobond: did you just contradict yourself?

davepoobond: oops i said another bad word

davepoobond: try to guess which

OmnipotentDragun: yourself?

davepoobond: AGHH!

OmnipotentDragun: wrong?

davepoobond: no u guessed it right

davepoobond: semicolon dash D

davepoobond: using smilies is prohibited in this household

davepoobond: we have to type out what we want to say

OmnipotentDragun: and why’s that?

davepoobond: cuz smilies are the DEVIL

davepoobond: THE DEVIL I SAY

OmnipotentDragun: And what is god?

davepoobond: or at least thats what mamma said

OmnipotentDragun: no smiley faces?

davepoobond: no, there is this really funny site though

davepoobond: called www.squackle.com

davepoobond: thats God

OmnipotentDragun: Pardon me for not visiting, but bad things can come through web-sites nowadays

davepoobond: too bad…

davepoobond: its really a great place

OmnipotentDragun: Poor me

OmnipotentDragun: So, what’s the deffinition of a nerd/

OmnipotentDragun: ?

davepoobond: u may even be up there one day

davepoobond: mwah

davepoobond: mwah mwah

OmnipotentDragun: ?

davepoobond: u’ll never know cuz u’ll never go

davepoobond: ahhahahaha

OmnipotentDragun: ok

OmnipotentDragun: take care man

davepoobond: k bye

davepoobond: u takin off?

OmnipotentDragun: nah, I just thought you were out of things to say to try and freak me out

davepoobond: ha

davepoobond: thats funny

davepoobond: i havent even begun

davepoobond: give me a topic

OmnipotentDragun: it won’t work

OmnipotentDragun: so save your time

davepoobond: if i saved my time i’d have more time to bug u

OmnipotentDragun: if you saved your time, you’d have more time to spend reading

davepoobond: pfff

davepoobond: now i KNOW ur a nerd

davepoobond: i was right

OmnipotentDragun: The urge to learn makes me a nerd?

davepoobond: not exactly

davepoobond: but to say that i should spend my time reading

OmnipotentDragun: you should

davepoobond: and also using “urge” and “learn” in the same sentence

OmnipotentDragun: I have a vocation to consume and understand knowledge, better?

davepoobond: boy that took a while for you to cough up

davepoobond: i bet you made use of yer handy dandy electronic thesaurus/dictionary that you always keep by your side in dire times

OmnipotentDragun: Nah, I keep a knife on my side- the only reason it took so long is that I’m talknig to several other people at the moment

davepoobond: myow myow myow myow?

OmnipotentDragun: ok. . . . .

davepoobond: ok, then whiz kid, whats the most intellectual thing you know

OmnipotentDragun: I don’t suppose I know anyhting intellectual

davepoobond: sure you do

davepoobond: i know you know something smart

OmnipotentDragun: ok

davepoobond: better yet, who framed roger rabbit?

davepoobond: i still don’t know

OmnipotentDragun: the guy from back to the future

davepoobond: christopher lloyd?

OmnipotentDragun: the cartoon that pretended to be human

OmnipotentDragun: yeah, that dude

davepoobond: the guy that was in The Pagemaster, with Macauly Culkin?

davepoobond: the guy that was in Angels In the Outfield?

davepoobond: the guy that was in no good movie to speak of?

OmnipotentDragun: hehehe

OmnipotentDragun: that’s the one

davepoobond: oh yeah, you can just call him AL. no one can see him or hear him but you.

davepoobond: did you know THAT

OmnipotentDragun: . . . .

OmnipotentDragun: I remember it now that you mention it

OmnipotentDragun: why>?

davepoobond: cuz……………..mmmh….ANGELS WIN! ANGELS WIN!!

davepoobond: WHOOOOOOO

OmnipotentDragun: ok man

davepoobond: they actually did.

davepoobond: y’know

davepoobond: if u watch sports or listen to the news at all

davepoobond: when you’re not reading your books that is

OmnipotentDragun: I’m working now more than reading

davepoobond: y’know, get aware of the understanding of whats happening in the world

davepoobond: i bet you didnt even know that there’s been a killing spree in LA

OmnipotentDragun: ok . . . . .

davepoobond: or even that we’re on the brink of war AGAIN, with Iraq

OmnipotentDragun: Not to mention osama bin laden is still alive(like anyone cares)

davepoobond: how long did you have to put down ur book to read a newspaper for that one?

OmnipotentDragun: I work more than read anymore, or were you not listening?

davepoobond: yeah but when ur not working i meant

davepoobond: or were you not assuming that

davepoobond: obviously not

OmnipotentDragun: I don’t care much for most current events

OmnipotentDragun: They seem so trivial

davepoobond: aha….i knew it…

davepoobond: i know your kind

OmnipotentDragun: my kind?

davepoobond: youre the type of person that sits at home, and in his spare time, picks up a good book. not the bible, but something a bit more….interesting…

davepoobond: ah, but i’m not done explaining yet

OmnipotentDragun: Soothsayer

davepoobond: you have a few select, maybe 1 maybe less….maybe negative friends even. you probably dont waste your time or money on the sound systems. you have a tv, but you barely get any use out of it. all you do is sit in that lovely chair in your den, with your reading lamp

davepoobond: you’re a part of a book club. not a woman’s interest book club, but still a book club. you get together every thursday, at approximately 6:00, after work at the local retail book store.

davepoobond: maybe Costco

davepoobond: or some warehouse kind of store

davepoobond: or a large grocery store that tries to be like a Costco

davepoobond: anyway, your friend comes around every sunday, to play that “weekly chessmatch”

davepoobond: but you have 2 chessboards, one for your “chess by mail” friend

davepoobond: and one for you and your other friend

davepoobond: your friend probably speaks 3 languages, and has glasses on. he has a sort of a lisp

davepoobond: and an accent. its hard to understand him, so he just writes down what he wants to say, cuz he stutters when he speaks, and it’ll be less effort, cuz he’d rather “conserve his energy”

davepoobond: you probably smell, and don’t wear any deodorant, but just won’t get the hint from others at your job, because that would just be mean to say to one of your fellow employees that “you stink”

OmnipotentDragun: I have comprehension

davepoobond: ah yes, we all do

davepoobond: so, how much did i get right?

OmnipotentDragun: Almost none

davepoobond: ::snap::

davepoobond: ok, i’ve got the alternative lifestyle for you also…

davepoobond: what did i get right though?

OmnipotentDragun: picks up a good book. not the bible, but something a bit more….interesting…

davepoobond: no favortie chair in the den with your reading lamp?

davepoobond: it’s probably a couch with a regular lamp

OmnipotentDragun: I sit all over the place

OmnipotentDragun: You’d never be able to peg me

davepoobond: that was some good devolpment though wasn’t it

OmnipotentDragun: no

davepoobond: ….oh…

davepoobond: ok, lemme take another guess at it then

OmnipotentDragun: be quick

OmnipotentDragun: I don’t have all night

davepoobond: your a tough biker guy, you have a long brown beard, and piercings on your left ear.

davepoobond: you’ve got a chopper, 92

OmnipotentDragun: no. . . .right ear

OmnipotentDragun: j/k

davepoobond: heh….k…..

davepoobond: you’ve got a biker maid

davepoobond: the one that always rides on your bike

davepoobond: but is actually going out with some other biker in your biker gang

davepoobond: your biker gang is known as the “chain swingers”

davepoobond: cuz you swing around sacks of salami

davepoobond: one day, you see a car flying off the curb, and you and your biker gang, somehow end up being attacked by 3 marines in the mountain range, and one of them is claiming that your gang killed his wife

davepoobond: and they declare war on your biker gang

davepoobond: using all these military weaponry that they could never actually really possibly get

OmnipotentDragun: you can stop now

davepoobond: oh, have you seen that movie?

OmnipotentDragun: Would you like to know about me, instead of just stabbing in the dark?

davepoobond: sure

OmnipotentDragun: I’m 17, I work at the house I just recently purchased, I work out every night, I read to prep myself for college

davepoobond: thats it.

OmnipotentDragun: HA

OmnipotentDragun: I lied

OmnipotentDragun: MWA HA HA HA

OmnipotentDragun: ^ evil laugh

OmnipotentDragun: j/k

davepoobond: yeah it was hard to believe, cuz it sounded so normal

davepoobond: ha

davepoobond: MWAH

OmnipotentDragun: j/k

OmnipotentDragun: I really am 17

davepoobond: no bike gang legacy?

OmnipotentDragun: nah

OmnipotentDragun: not yet atleast

OmnipotentDragun: but who knows what my future holds

davepoobond: the people in the movie Hot Leather and something else i forgot (made in 1970) were only about 18 or so

davepoobond: it was really stupid crap

davepoobond: it was funny as hell though

davepoobond: oh wait, it was “Chrome and Hot Leather”

davepoobond: made in 1971

davepoobond: On a mission of vengeance, a man goes after the gang of motorcycle thugs who killed his fiancee.

OmnipotentDragun: sounds like a laugh riot

davepoobond: it really is

davepoobond: rent it

davepoobond: as much as i love to sit on my ass and doddle with you, i really must be going

davepoobond: mother wails for me to get off

OmnipotentDragun: how old are you?

OmnipotentDragun: honestly

davepoobond: a month away from 17

OmnipotentDragun: Why speak like an infant?

OmnipotentDragun: but if you must go

davepoobond: we can continue this later

OmnipotentDragun: if you wish

OmnipotentDragun: though that may be the beginning of another story, this is the end of ours for now- Dostoevsky

OmnipotentDragun: bye

davepoobond: yes. right. bye.

davepoobond: check out www.squackle.com though, its my web site

OmnipotentDragun: no virus’?

davepoobond: i promise there’s nothing bad on it

davepoobond: and its better than porn

davepoobond: 😀

OmnipotentDragun: LIE

OmnipotentDragun: NOTHING IS BETTER THAN PORN

OmnipotentDragun: j/k

OmnipotentDragun: later man

davepoobond: bye

davepoobond: who knows, maybe you can write stuff for me for the site

OmnipotentDragun: does it pay?

davepoobond: nah

OmnipotentDragun: Maybe so then

davepoobond: just for the fame and glory of having your stuff on a web site

OmnipotentDragun: Just so long as it doesn’t pay

davepoobond: and to tell your friends “hey look, that’s MY article/story/joke/dumb thing”

OmnipotentDragun: How about portrait of genitals?

OmnipotentDragun: Would that be acceptable?

davepoobond: depends on whos

davepoobond: yours?

OmnipotentDragun: good answer

OmnipotentDragun: doesn’t matter

davepoobond: if its funny lookin, ok

davepoobond: check out the Screwed Up Chronicles. thats actually the more “serious” part of the site

davepoobond: ok bye for good now bye

Stupid IMs, Prank IMs, Chat Logs

#10435: davepoobond -> DawgsDawgsDawgs

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davepoobond: hi i have a dog

davepoobond: do you

DawgsDawgsDawgs: yep

davepoobond: really. do you have more than one dog?

DawgsDawgsDawgs: nope..only 1

davepoobond: do you have THREE dogs

DawgsDawgsDawgs: nope

DawgsDawgsDawgs: lol

davepoobond: cuz you have mispelled dogs three times in your screen name

DawgsDawgsDawgs: do u?

davepoobond: that offends me

DawgsDawgsDawgs: im sorry:-(

davepoobond: u better b

davepoobond: cuz i dont take lightly to assholes

DawgsDawgsDawgs: i am, promise

DawgsDawgsDawgs: im not an asshole

davepoobond: yes u are

davepoobond: i bet u r

davepoobond: cuz u say whut ur not

DawgsDawgsDawgs: am not

davepoobond: ya right

DawgsDawgsDawgs: fucker

davepoobond: HEY

davepoobond: watch ur LAQNAGE

davepoobond: ur profiles GAY

davepoobond: GAY GYA GYA GYA GAY

DawgsDawgsDawgs: sooooo, u got a point?

davepoobond: GAGAGAGAGAGAY

DawgsDawgsDawgs: besides tha fact u spelled gay wrong?

davepoobond: ur mom spelled gay wrong

davepoobond: ask her how to spell gay

davepoobond: i bet she’ll say “M E”

davepoobond: AHAHAHA

davepoobond: or maybe “Y O U”

DawgsDawgsDawgs: nope

DawgsDawgsDawgs: sorry

davepoobond: star minus slash

davepoobond: *-/

DawgsDawgsDawgs: she’ll may b say….” d a v e p o o b o n d”

davepoobond: semicolon dash D

davepoobond: colon dash exclamation mark?

davepoobond: or maybe she’ll say “D O G S”

davepoobond: CUZ CATS RULEEEEEEEEE

davepoobond: I HATE DOGS

DawgsDawgsDawgs: i do 2

davepoobond: DOGS ARE GAY CUZ THEY SNIFF EACH OTHER’S ASSSSSS

DawgsDawgsDawgs: i dont like dogs..

davepoobond: sure sure

DawgsDawgsDawgs: i have 5 kats

DawgsDawgsDawgs: and no dogs

DawgsDawgsDawgs: y would i like dogs

davepoobond: cuz u have a sn doyyy

DawgsDawgsDawgs: it’s an inside joke b/t my friends

davepoobond: what friends

davepoobond: haahaha

DawgsDawgsDawgs: tha 1s i have and u dont

DawgsDawgsDawgs: hahaha, u got dissed

davepoobond: OK SO IS IT SUCH A CRIME TO NOT HAVE ANY FRIENDS

davepoobond: I’M SORRY, ALL I DO IS TALK TO STRANGERS, TRYING TO BUILD MY PEOPLE SKILLS

DawgsDawgsDawgs: lol

DawgsDawgsDawgs: im sorry:-(

davepoobond: build me up buttercup

DawgsDawgsDawgs: 😀

davepoobond: i hope you know i was just bullshitting u the whole time

davepoobond: dogs arent really gay….

DawgsDawgsDawgs: i dont like em

DawgsDawgsDawgs: i think they r

davepoobond: but i do have to say that your profile is

davepoobond: 😀

DawgsDawgsDawgs: yeah, i kno

Prank IMs, Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#10415: davepoobond -> ProjectPlaya

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davepoobond: asshole

ProjectPlaya: huh

davepoobond: ur an asshole

davepoobond: u asshole

davepoobond: ya thats right, i called u an asshole

ProjectPlaya: y

davepoobond: cuz

davepoobond: u

davepoobond: are

ProjectPlaya: ok

davepoobond: ok

ProjectPlaya: asl

davepoobond: stupid puss

davepoobond: y would i wanna give u that

davepoobond: 16/m

–

::davepoobond gets warned to 33% “anonymously”::

–

davepoobond: stupid idiot, if ur gonna warn me to 33%, you might as well just warn me regularly

davepoobond: i KNOW its you, yer the only one i’m talkin to

Prank IMs, Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#10413: davepoobond -> YourMamasMom

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davepoobond: Hey grandma

YourMamasMom: hey son

davepoobond: how’s the “condition” coming along?

YourMamasMom: well

YourMamasMom: um

YourMamasMom: i have aids

YourMamasMom: and i love it

davepoobond: not that one….

YourMamasMom: 😎

YourMamasMom: o

YourMamasMom: what other one

davepoobond: y’know….the one with the….::nudge nudge::

YourMamasMom: huh

YourMamasMom: o my dick

YourMamasMom: ya i know

davepoobond: yeah, its so unfortunate how it just grew one day

Previous message was not received by YourMamasMom because of error: User YourMamasMom is not available.

Stupid IMs, Prank IMs, Chat Logs

#10412: davepoobond -> DrummerG

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davepoobond: yo!

DrummerG: hello

DrummerG: how may i help u?

davepoobond: well, if you gave me some money that’d help

DrummerG: lol dont we all need money?

davepoobond: if u put it that way, yes

DrummerG: ok

davepoobond: but i dont care about anybody but me when it comes to money, so give me some

DrummerG: lol gimmie got ran over by the ice cream truck

davepoobond: but the ice cream truck is for sale

DrummerG: w/e

davepoobond: so i gotta buy it with the money that you gave me

DrummerG: rright

davepoobond: which should already be at western union by now

davepoobond: am i right?

DrummerG: did u really im me just to ask me for money?

davepoobond: yeah, kinda

davepoobond: i’m at dire straights for money, and i’d rather sit here in my chair doing nothing while wasting all the electricity california has to offer and pay for every cent of it

DrummerG: ok well since im not giving u any money its kinda irrelivent for us to finish this conversation rright?

davepoobond: instead of getting a job

davepoobond: but then if we dont finish teh conversation, it’ll never end

davepoobond: and i’m sure both of us dont want that

davepoobond: hold on lemme turn the blow dryer off

davepoobond: blow driers*

davepoobond: dryers?

davepoobond: driers/dryers/Dryers (ice cream)

DrummerG: i want u to stop asking for the immpossible

davepoobond: y’mean like peace in the world, a Bush that isnt in politics

davepoobond: pretzels that are covered in mercifully sweet vanilla

davepoobond: but not chocolate, cuz i’m just racist like that

davepoobond: like the whole majority of white trash

DrummerG: well then um…. gues this further concludes our convo cuz im black!!!!

davepoobond: so what

davepoobond: u think i’m racist against people?

davepoobond: i’m racist against the type of food i eat

DrummerG: personally i dont care

davepoobond: i dont eat red apples, cuz they’re like rednecks

davepoobond: i hate rednecks though, they’re annoying

davepoobond: except when they’re making car crashes or shooting shotguns

davepoobond: then they’re just plain funny

DrummerG: we are having an unnecessery conversation u of all people should know about being annoyed with dumb ass stupid questions

DrummerG: or asking for the impossible

davepoobond: y’mean like jerry seinfeld and dennis miller teaming up to do a porno with the olsen twins?

davepoobond: inside a pair of britney spears’ pants

DrummerG: from here on out i have nothig more to say to you

davepoobond: thats good

davepoobond: i’ve got plenty to say to YOU though

davepoobond: like why people really dont care about the alligator problem in New Mexico

davepoobond: y’see, the problem lies within the grand canyon

davepoobond: the next state over

davepoobond: but that’s not the point

davepoobond: the point is, is that the colorado river

davepoobond: rather, the crocodile river

davepoobond: actually sends over crocodiles through a time-space rift

davepoobond: and the crocodiles become sick

davepoobond: and then they throw up deer carcasses and crap like that into New Mexico

davepoobond: THEN THEY DISAPPEAR

davepoobond: I MEAN, WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THAT

davepoobond: but, i can explain that

davepoobond: they go back through the time space rift

davepoobond: and go back to Candy Land

davepoobond: wow you’ve been on for 19 hours

davepoobond: u thought i was finished

davepoobond: oh no i’m not

davepoobond: i just had to get some water

davepoobond: cuz i’m just rascist like that

davepoobond: instead of getting the pee-ish color of apple juice

davepoobond: or the pure white of milk

davepoobond: but i’d rather have the clear…sooothing….

davepoobond: WATER

davepoobond: gtg bye!

Prank IMs, Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#10409: davepoobond -> ZizuKhu says

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This entry is part 1 of 2 in the series ZizuKhu says

davepoobond: hey, how’s it going Emily?

ZizuKhu says: excuse me

davepoobond: your excused

davepoobond: ahha

ZizuKhu says: who the hell is this

davepoobond: ur mom

davepoobond: mwah

davepoobond: mwah

ZizuKhu says: get a life faggot

ZizuKhu says signed off at 9:36:33 PM.

davepoobond: and its way past ur bed time

Previous message was not received by ZizuKhu says because of error: User ZizuKhu says is not available.

Prank IMs, Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#10304: stimpyismyname -> everclear311

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stimpyismyname: do you like everclear/

everclear311: love them

stimpyismyname: cool

stimpyismyname: u like 311

stimpyismyname: ?

everclear311: yes yes i do

stimpyismyname: cool

everclear311: im everclears biggest fan

stimpyismyname: really??

stimpyismyname: biggest/

everclear311: yes

stimpyismyname: what about tom johnson

everclear311: no

everclear311: whos he

stimpyismyname: he burned his house for them, remember

stimpyismyname: then they gave him front row seats

stimpyismyname: did YOU ever burn your house down?

stimpyismyname: …for everclear

everclear311: no cuz im not an idiot

stimpyismyname: yea

stimpyismyname: it was funny tho

everclear311: why the hell would i burn my house down for them

stimpyismyname: cause u like themm

stimpyismyname: REALLY like them

stimpyismyname: do it

stimpyismyname: i DARE you

everclear311: yeah well what would buring my house down do to show how much i like them

stimpyismyname: man, it just does

stimpyismyname: tom johnsons a smart guy

everclear311: no

stimpyismyname: phd in astrophsics

everclear311: who is he

stimpyismyname: hes that guy

stimpyismyname: but i think he might of died

stimpyismyname: yeah

stimpyismyname: so anyway

stimpyismyname: i was thinkin of starting a mail chain to honor tom johnson

Previous message was not received by everclear311 because of error: User everclear311 is not available.

Prank IMs, Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#10303: davepoobond -> PISSER1

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This entry is part 2 of 2 in the series PISSER1

davepoobond: hey thereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee bitch

davepoobond: this is david johnson

PISSER1: lol

PISSER1: whats with the language

PISSER1: david

davepoobond: sorry momma brought me up different than tom

PISSER1: lol

PISSER1: Interesting.

PISSER1: so toms the good boy

davepoobond: i guess

davepoobond: if you can call him that

davepoobond: but he is a little on the gay side

davepoobond: “momma knows best” she always said

PISSER1: why hes not good?

davepoobond: no..

PISSER1: so than what is tom

davepoobond: a little gay

PISSER1: lol

PISSER1: How old are you?

davepoobond: 15

PISSER1: n how old is tom?

davepoobond: uhhh

davepoobond: 17 or something

PISSER1: lolol

PISSER1: u dono how old ur brother is

davepoobond: nope

davepoobond: do you

PISSER1: yep

PISSER1: no

PISSER1: thats why i asked u

davepoobond: yeah he’s 17

PISSER1: ok

davepoobond: one time he brought one of his friends home

davepoobond: and i heard giggling sounds from his room

davepoobond: the door was closed

davepoobond: we have thin walls, so i hear everything

PISSER1: lmaoooooooooo

PISSER1: u only heard the giggling? maybe they were watching a funny movie

davepoobond: trust me. he wasn’t

davepoobond: he doesnt even have a tv in his room

davepoobond: he humps the mattress. did he tell you that?

davepoobond: it takes him a half an hour to finish

davepoobond: i hear the bed knocking against the walls all the time

PISSER1: lololol

davepoobond: its really annoying

PISSER1: u are crazy

davepoobond: thats what happens!

davepoobond: everyyyyyyyyydayyyyyyyyyyyy

davepoobond: sometimes 2 times a day!

PISSER1: lol

davepoobond: he’s like my alarm clock in the morning

PISSER1: haha, what time?

davepoobond: 3:40

davepoobond: sometimes later, but not really

PISSER1: thats early

davepoobond: he’s like a fucking machine

davepoobond: i cant do it more than 1 time every 9 hours

PISSER1: thats crazy

davepoobond: i addressed him about it, but he said he didn’t know what i was talking about

PISSER1: lol

davepoobond: he’s a momma’s boy

PISSER1: n what are u

davepoobond: she taught HIM how to masturbate, but not me

PISSER1: rofl

PISSER1: wtf

PISSER1: thats sick

davepoobond: yeah well, what am i gonna do about it

davepoobond: he’s kinda wacky when it comes to that

davepoobond: i mean he made this screen name

PISSER1: LOL

PISSER1: sounds like ur mom is wacky too

davepoobond: passes along in the family

davepoobond: but me, i take after my grandma

davepoobond: snorting coke, smoking weed, drinking booze

PISSER1: rofl

PISSER1: well, thats good!

PISSER1: BRB

davepoobond: ok

PISSER1: back

davepoobond: k

davepoobond: tom has a typewriter

PISSER1: oh yea?

PISSER1: like a word processer?

davepoobond: …no…

davepoobond: a typewriter

davepoobond: manual

davepoobond: like in the porno movies

davepoobond: cuz they can’t actually afford computers

PISSER1: ooo

PISSER1: rofl

davepoobond: i’ve got a massive dong

PISSER1: INteresting

PISSER1: thanx for telling me

davepoobond: its like 8===========================================================> this big

PISSER1: wow thats huge

davepoobond: but tom’s is o-<

PISSER1: ROFL

PISSER1: thats sad isnt it

davepoobond: yeah kinda

davepoobond: but he was the momma’s boy

davepoobond: i was more pappa’s boy

PISSER1: lol

PISSER1: I c! so maybe that could be it

davepoobond: he always told me “massive dongs = get big tits”

PISSER1: lol

PISSER1: ur dads pretty wacked too

davepoobond: eh yeah well, thats the johnson spirit for you

PISSER1: lol

PISSER1: whats the nationality of the johnsons?

davepoobond: polish

davepoobond: the polish have nice sausages. if you get what i’m saying

davepoobond: all except tom

PISSER1: ROFL

PISSER1: i feel sorry for tom

PISSER1: he doesnt seem to fit into the fam

davepoobond: why cuz he has a small penis?

davepoobond: yeah well, he’s got an envelope full of men’s torsos

davepoobond: i mean, its not a letter envelope

davepoobond: but a manila one, those big huge ones

PISSER1: rofl

davepoobond: most of them are firefighters

davepoobond: wearing nothing but jeans and suspenders

davepoobond: and fireman helmets

PISSER1: what?

davepoobond: ok, they dont have shirts right

davepoobond: they have pants on

davepoobond: no shoes or socks

davepoobond: suspenders

davepoobond: on their shoulders, and helmets

PISSER1: yea

PISSER1: they have shoes

PISSER1: and socks rofl

davepoobond: not these

davepoobond: amazing what you can find on the internet these days

davepoobond: tom’s kinda like a swinging door

davepoobond: sometimes he’s straight, but sometimes he’s open…..if you get what i mean

davepoobond: i oughtta get going now

davepoobond: i’ll talk to you later

PISSER1: rofl ok

PISSER1: Bye

davepoobond: i have to get to sleep b4 tom starts jacking off

davepoobond: otherwise i wont be able to go to sleep till 12

PISSER1: ROFL

PISSER1: ur too funny

PISSER1: lol

davepoobond: why thank you