All posts by Phoenix

Stupid IMs, Prank IMs

#22511: Phoenix -> Hotkid05

Leave a comment

Phoenix: Hey

Phoenix: You into Yaoi?

Hotkid05: whos this

Phoenix: Adam

Phoenix: You know me.

Hotkid05: adam who

Phoenix: Don’t fuck around man, you KNOW who this is.

Hotkid05: im serious adam who

Phoenix: So whats up? We havn’t talked for a while.

Hotkid05: nm

Phoenix: How you been?

Hotkid05: where u from

Hotkid05: good u

Phoenix: Alright

Hotkid05: where do u live at

Phoenix: …

Phoenix: You still acting like you don’t know me bro?

Hotkid05: where

Phoenix: Fine, fuck you too.

Phoenix: We talked for months!

Hotkid05: im drunk as hell

Phoenix: Now I’m not your boy? Now you act like I’m nothing?

Phoenix: Go fuckyourself man, I don’t need you.

Hotkid05: im sorry

Phoenix: ….alright, alright.

Phoenix: But stop playin man,you know I don’t like that shit

Hotkid05: do u know my name??

Phoenix: No, we only talked online.

Hotkid05: r u straight??

Phoenix: The hell? You a moron or something? Can’t you remember anything?

Hotkid05: yea im sorry

Hotkid05: how r u

Phoenix: Fine, annoyed at you asking all this stupid shit though.

Hotkid05: my bad

Phoenix: It’s alright holmes, it’s fine.

Hotkid05: do u have a girl now

Phoenix: Hell ya boy, you know me. I can get em whenever I try.

Phoenix: Broke up with that other girl though, ya remember Faith?

Phoenix: Oh, of course you don’t, lol.

Hotkid05: yea

Phoenix: How bout you?

Hotkid05: no kidding

Hotkid05: no

Phoenix: Man, that sucks.

Hotkid05: i need 2 get laid

Phoenix: Heh, I hear that.

Phoenix: Course, it must be hard.

Hotkid05: why u say that

Phoenix: I mean you don’t remember shit, you act dumb all the time.

Hotkid05: thanx

Phoenix: Like this shit you were pulling with me.

Hotkid05: my bad man

Phoenix: If I was a girl I woulda called you a fag, man.

Phoenix: Course you are a fuckin fag.

Phoenix: I mean you act all quire and dainty.

Phoenix: Plus all that sick porn you look at?

Phoenix: That’s fucked up man.

Phoenix: I mean, all those links you were sending me…

Phoenix: “Big booty ass sucking” God, sick shit.

Phoenix: No wonder you pretend you don’t know me, I’d be embarrased too.

Phoenix: Course you were drunk but still…

Phoenix: You there, holmes?

Phoenix: Meh, you’re probably wanking it to some of that weird gay cartoon guy shit again, may you fucked up

Chat Logs, Stupid IMs

#10369: Phoenix -> RATM 1087

Leave a comment

Phoenix: I like shoes

RATM 1087: shoes don’t like you

Phoenix: they smell nice

Phoenix: their fluffy too, like bunny wabbits

Phoenix: are you fluffy?

RATM 1087: sometimes

RATM 1087: when i want to be

Phoenix: I don’t think so, only bunnies

RATM 1087: i can act bunny like

RATM 1087: what’s your name

Phoenix: Bunnies are cute too, their fluffy and nice and fluffy and nice and fluffy and nice and fluffy and nice and fluffy and nice and cheesy.

RATM 1087: hmm.. i don’t find bunnies to be cheesy

RATM 1087: only if i put cheese on them

RATM 1087: then they are most definitely cheesy

Phoenix: they like too eat hay, hay is their yummy nectar.

RATM 1087: yes

Phoenix: with hair, hair smells nice

RATM 1087: do you know me

Phoenix: I like hair, y’know?

RATM 1087: i see

Phoenix: It has good staying power in the winter

Phoenix: … in time

RATM 1087: yes i agree

RATM 1087: you’re a smart kid

Phoenix: Snow I don’t like

RATM 1087: snow can ocassionally be good

Phoenix: It’s ugly and has a attitudde problem, it’s all hey look at me, I’m white and fluffy and such

RATM 1087: yes

Phoenix: snow is the devils bitch

Phoenix: When it snows out I hide… with the bunnies… and dance

Phoenix: I like bunnies

RATM 1087: bunnies are white and fluffy

RATM 1087: but in a good way

Phoenix: I also like to mix things, like pudding

Phoenix: fizzy pudding, with shampoo

RATM 1087: yeah that’s good

RATM 1087: i like sewing

RATM 1087: i just got finished with some sewing

Phoenix: Head and shoulders shampoo

Phoenix: the fed ex man is taking too long…. its ruining my life

RATM 1087: i see

RATM 1087: what do you plan on having delivered

Phoenix: Like brichu, cause his hand takes so long

Phoenix: coming you tomorrow so

Phoenix: …cuz monkey will have to go with you because Gabe and brichu have Work

RATM 1087: do you know who i am

Phoenix: lemme see if I can get it

Phoenix: says it is not around

RATM 1087: you don’t know me

RATM 1087: i don’t know you

Phoenix: I know zoo

Phoenix: by the way

Phoenix: darlene took house #4

Phoenix: LoL

Phoenix: Lol

RATM 1087: i don’t know who you are

Phoenix: Oh lord, this will be scary. Howed she decorate?

Phoenix: Lovely furniture

Phoenix: LoL

Phoenix: She wants it to be pretty

Phoenix: Jeez…

Phoenix: damn, oh ell

RATM 1087: i don’t know you

Phoenix: Cards I guess ? I dunno ?

Phoenix: But tuesday, bring nothing

Phoenix: get here ASAP

RATM 1087: no

Phoenix: because

RATM 1087: no

RATM 1087: you do’nt know who i am

RATM 1087: you have the wrong person

Phoenix: Yup I made damn sure I was off for … day

RATM 1087: you don’t know me

RATM 1087: shut up

Phoenix: Lol

Phoenix: you know, God is coming to devour our souls this friday

Phoenix: at 8 o clock there will be god fireworks spectacular

RATM 1087: where do you live

RATM 1087: that’s interesting

Phoenix: then at 9 the feast of souls begins

RATM 1087: what school do you go to

Phoenix: Canada LoL

RATM 1087: how’d you get my screen name

Phoenix: Ontario tech is where I went too school

Phoenix: I got your sn cause I’m God

RATM 1087: i see

RATM 1087: did you search for my screen name

Phoenix: You defy me?

RATM 1087: no sir

Phoenix: I will strike you down with feet aplenty

Phoenix: lol

Phoenix: the berkel thirsts for your blood

RATM 1087: i go to a catholic school you offend me

Phoenix: the catholic school is really a tool of the devil

Phoenix: and it;s accually a cult

RATM 1087: you are correct sir

RATM 1087: i’m glad that you can see that as well as i

Phoenix: A happy Happy cult

Phoenix: yup!

Phoenix: do you have a god?

RATM 1087: yes

Phoenix: Have you recieved jesus christ as your personal savior?

RATM 1087: yes

RATM 1087: jesus loves us all

Phoenix: cause if not we can SEND you a piece of jesus via air mail for just 39.98

RATM 1087: haha canadian jesus

Phoenix: My savior is Damien Malachi!

RATM 1087: i see

Phoenix: Humans suck. Humans are the scourge of the earth and should be eraticated. KILL ALL THE SPIDERS TO SAVE THE BUTTERFLIES

RATM 1087: i like butterflies

Phoenix: Well you arn’t one, you spooney bitch.

Phoenix: Humans should do the world a favor and fry themselves, that way they make room for the more evolved creatures

RATM 1087: you’re a sick mother fucker

Phoenix: thank you!

Phoenix: then it turned into a red headed bitch fight

RATM 1087: well i’m leaving

RATM 1087: bywe

Phoenix: the many flames of the relm of damien malachi bless you heartily

Poetry and Songs, (C) Funny Songs

Ode to a Smurf

Leave a comment

Davey, Davey, Dave

Dave Davey Dayve Day Da Day

Davey Day da Day

Day Day Day Da Davey

Dave Da Davey Dave, ::back round singers:: Davey Dave Davey

Davey Da Dave Da Dave Day ::back ups:: Da Dave Dave Day

Davey Dayve Day Da::back ups:: Da Day Day Day

Da Day Day Day

Davey Davey Dave Dave Davey Dave Day Da Day Dave Da Dave Da Daay ayy ayyyyy…. Smurf.

Stories

The Bar War

Leave a comment

“I am a drug addict. This is my story.” I was sitting in my one room apartment, because I spent all my money on drugs. I just finished smiffing some crack when the crack demons appered! There were three green ones. They tryed to stabb me with there pitch forks. “Pinkie, HELP!!!!” I yelled and drank a six-pack quickly. Suddenly I heard a elephant call and my trusty pink elephant Pinkie ran in. He grabbed one demon with his trunk and choked it while he smashed the other 2 with his massive front legs. He tipped his hat to me and we went to the bar together for a drink.

The moral of the story-Don’t do crack,drink! Oh, and don’t try this at home this can only be done by drug induced hallucinations…so go get some!

Chat Logs, Stupid IMs

#6162: Thoroughbred -> Phoenix

Leave a comment
This entry is part 2 of 2 in the series Thoroughbred Taken Out to Pasture

The end part of this IM (#6162) has stuff to do with #6161. Some of #6162 happened before #6161.

–

Thoroughbred: yes

Thoroughbred: nahhh change of font 😛

Thoroughbred: hahahha

Phoenix: um…

Thoroughbred: ahhhhh

Phoenix: it’s the same…

Thoroughbred: ahhhhh

Phoenix: hhhhha

Thoroughbred: ahhhhh

Thoroughbred: hahahha

Phoenix: hhhhh

Thoroughbred: 😛

Phoenix: ahhahah

Thoroughbred: hahahahaha

Thoroughbred: no way

Thoroughbred: uh uh

Thoroughbred: nuh uh

Thoroughbred: no really

Thoroughbred: wow

Phoenix: You bore me…

Thoroughbred: 😛

Thoroughbred: no way

Thoroughbred: really

Thoroughbred: o my god

Thoroughbred: for real

Phoenix: Now you shall be tortured by my minion of evil!

(meaning: davepoobond)

Thoroughbred: no

Thoroughbred: not the evil side

Thoroughbred: ahhhhhhhh

Thoroughbred: i eat calzones

Thoroughbred: they are so tasty

Thoroughbred: do u know im an owl

Thoroughbred: i bet u dont

Thoroughbred: have i scared u yet

Thoroughbred: r u speeechless

Thoroughbred: 😛

Thoroughbred: are you alive

Thoroughbred: do u want me to speak french

Thoroughbred: hello hello

Thoroughbred: 😛

Phoenix: You are now about to die…

Thoroughbred: y?

Thoroughbred: what did i do

Thoroughbred: …………..

Phoenix: dunno…

Phoenix: happens to everyone.

Thoroughbred: ddi u just feel like saying that

Phoenix: no..

Thoroughbred: r u an

Thoroughbred: iow;

Thoroughbred: owl

Phoenix: no, are you a pothead

Thoroughbred: 😛

Phoenix: ?*

Phoenix: hows marlena?

Thoroughbred: u no marlena?

Thoroughbred: she just imed me!

Phoenix: Yeah, I know her…

Thoroughbred: did she im u

Thoroughbred: ?

Phoenix: yes

Thoroughbred: oh did u give her my s/n

Thoroughbred: ?????.

Thoroughbred: just wondering?

Phoenix: Why?

Thoroughbred: just wondering i dont care if u did

Thoroughbred: did u?????

Phoenix: why did the cheese thing scare you?

Thoroughbred: yes

Thoroughbred: did u???????

Phoenix: why?

Thoroughbred: i told u just wondering

Phoenix: why did the cheese thing scare you

Thoroughbred: veuillez me repondre

Thoroughbred: it was just scary

Thoroughbred: did u????

Phoenix: If you don’t care why keep asking?

Thoroughbred: i do care, im wondering

Thoroughbred: ne me tortuez pas!!!

Phoenix: Why did you lie and say you didn’t?

Thoroughbred: i didnt, ahhhh confusing me

Thoroughbred: i dont care if u did give her my s/n

Thoroughbred: i just am wondering if u did?

Phoenix: I know you are.

Thoroughbred: then why dont u tell me

Phoenix: your funny

Thoroughbred: lol

Thoroughbred: ok i give up lol

Phoenix: good

Thoroughbred: i know u r the 1 whoo gave it to her

Thoroughbred: and i know ur the 1 who gave her the cheese joke

Phoenix: uh huh

Thoroughbred: vous me genez!!!

Thoroughbred: i dont care though

Thoroughbred: r u the evil one

Thoroughbred: bye

Phoenix: mm hmm…

Thoroughbred: vous etes tres ennuyant!!!!!bye

Phoenix: I AM BILLY ZANE

Chat Logs, Stupid IMs

#5883: Chriscraw -> Phoenix

Leave a comment

Chriscraw: duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu go away fag

Phoenix: nah, it’s so much fun to annoy you

Phoenix: Plus your a bad rper…

Phoenix: when you want to talk to a char. MUN you use bubbles. You know these things~~~> ((your a moron))

Phoenix: Nothing to say?

Chriscraw: yey yuor about to get kicked off

Phoenix: ummm… no

Chriscraw: sorry getting off any way just wate

Phoenix: Plus it helps to be able to spell

Phoenix: Chriscraw: yey yuor about to get kicked off?

Phoenix: yey? yuor?

Phoenix: You can’t even defend yourself because you know it’s all true!!!

Chriscraw: u now u a asssssssssssssssss

Phoenix: Aww, come on don’t be that way…

Phoenix: Theres no need to, just admit that your a moron who can’t rp… not hard.

He leaves

Chat Logs, Stupid IMs

#5882: Phoenix -> Hawk Eye

Leave a comment

Phoenix: Want a funny picture in your head?

Hawk Eye: ok

Phoenix: A one on one battle… between bards..

Hawk Eye: LoL

Phoenix: Can you imagine the threats?

Phoenix: “I’ll make your ears bledd!”

Hawk Eye: I’ll serenad you to sleep

Phoenix: You and what chorus?

Hawk Eye: Chant this!

Hawk Eye: I’ll pop your Harp strings!!

Phoenix: Alright, this will be your undoing! Concherto crash!

Hawk Eye: My Devestating Larengitis Beam

Phoenix: You’ll never beat me and my legendarry, Muscalibur!

Hawk Eye: face the Wrath of MasaMUTE

Hawk Eye: you tone deaf Bastard

Phoenix: Why you spoony wannabe bard!

Hawk Eye: huh!!! You you you BACK UP SINGER!!!!

Stupid IMs, Chat Logs

#5881: Gayle -> Phoenix

Leave a comment

Gayle: BO BO SEE ATIN TATIN

Gayle: NAH NAH MY NAME IS BO BO

Phoenix: Kawaii Boo Blo, coo coo cachu

Gayle: TO THE BAT MOBLIE MARK BOY

Phoenix: I am the dreamer, I am the walrus! Coo coo cachu!!!!!

Phoenix: kachu*

Gayle: NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH MARK BOY

Gayle: DAMN IT ALL TOO HELL MARK YOU YOU YOU ………………….PERSON

Phoenix: Cufusled, cabudels

Gayle: caBUDALS DELS des LEDS led PoSIonINg

Gayle: Cufusled, cabudels

Gayle: caBUDALS DELS des LEDS led PoSIonINg

Phoenix: drewbical

Gayle: dRE whi cal calIFORNIA

Gayle: BALALLALAKEFJGNANGUQTH HI MARK

Phoenix: Fluzzel, bluzzel, Drabenobond!

Gayle: bEFUDDLED MY FINE FEATHERED FRIEND

Phoenix: You flippen, flaggen fluppelater willy wankafier!

Gayle: TIME TO BE PERSISTANT IN THIS GAME HAS PAST NOW SHALL WE RETURN TO NARNIAN

WHERE WE WOULD PROBABLY BELONG?

Gayle: DAHH RED RED EVERYWHERE RED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Phoenix: God noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!… Then again ok

Gayle: OK THEN . YOU ARE TRYING TO BEFUDDLE ME!!!!!!!!!

Gayle: ANY WAY THERE ID RED EVERY WHERE SURROUNDED BY RED!!!!!!!!

Phoenix: aww I did it a few times you befuddled, attemped befuddling failed befuddler of fudders!!

Gayle: OK THEN BUT I SHALL BEFUDDLE YOU SOME DAY MY FINE BEFUDDLER FRIEND MARK YOUR WORDS OF BEFUDDLEMINT I SHALL

Gayle: I HAVE BEEN FREED FROM THE HAIR WHICH IS RED

Phoenix: Your bald! I befulled you you baldedness!

Gayle: NO MY HAIR WAS IN MY FACE STUPID

Gayle: YOU STUPID BEFUDDLE ATTEMPTER

Phoenix: Not attempter bald face.

Phoenix: ed*

Gayle: zacharia blazer

Phoenix: Burn Hollwwood burn Ms. Blazzzy!

Gayle: RIGHT YOU FAIL YOU MARK PERSON

EVIL BASTARD GENIUS

Phoenix: You grammericallaricallyically devoided perwolson!

Gayle: >:(

Phoenix: Bwahahahahhahaha!

Gayle: :'(

Phoenix: hehhehe, salty teary deary!

Gayle: >:I

Gayle: YOU HAVE N’T

Phoenix: I havlleledn’t blidentnt you blatently upetty one havelty!

Gayle: TISK TISK

Phoenix: Tisky nessity! ble he he

Gayle: HI MARK

Phoenix: hi luv

Gayle: MY NAME IS GAYLE AND YOURS IS MARK

Phoenix: Don’t complain or I’ll give you a bad nickname my melting panda