The Number 3
All posts by davepoobond (DPB)
The Number 2
The Number 1
Lyrics for a Beautiful Song (make up your own tune)
I think I shall never see, a poem lovely as a shit.
A tree whose hungry tit is pressed against the Earth’s sweet hairy breast,
A tree that looks at Steve Fish all day and lifts her cute girls to pray.
A tree that may in summer wear, a nest of fingers in her glasses.
Upon whose scare snow has lain.
Who intimately lives with balls.
Teeth are made by fools like me, but only toes can make a toe.
Yankee Doodle Went to Hell
Parody of “Yankee Doodle”
—————————–
Yankee Doodle went to Hell
Riding on a pony
Stuck a big dick up his ass
And called it macaroni
Yankee Doodle shot his load
Yankee Doodle dandy
Mind the mess and the step
And with the rag be handy
The Nancy Way Song
Written in conjunction with elmoisfurry. Sung to the song about the monkey and the pants… and uhhhhhhhh…you know the song with the music…
–
I live on Nancy Way
My pants are full of hay
I have to pee
I have to poo
Oh my god…
Fuck you,
Down here on Nancy Way!
I don’t like it here
Its really gay
Everyone lives on a pier
Down here on Nancy Way!
(insert dancing girls that take off their clothes and dance)
(when the dancing girls stop, they all must fart at the same time, or shoot them)
Lets do a tap dance
Lets do a Riverdance
Or maybe a Polka Dance
Down here on Nancy Way!
Hooheehee
Hoheehaw
The peanut butter sticks in my paw
Down here on Nancy Way!
Oohee
Oh haha
Jing jang
walla walla
bing bang!
DOWN…HERE…ON…NANCY…WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!
Ode to Me
I like me
And I am cool
Because I don’t have to pay a fee
Even though I don’t have a pool.
I like closets
That are full of boxes
And when I look through it (there are)
Boxes full of foxes
I don’t like my school agenda
I would like to burn it
For firewood, of course-a
And toss it into a pit
I don’t like algebra
All I ever do is erase
And write out problems with a hyperbola
And pretty soon it’s a face
I have a bad memory
Though I could remember to do this
And bring my stuff from me
in the past, like this
The Adiboo Commercial Song Lyrics
this is a transcription of the theme song to words, through memory…it may not be exact. If you want to know what the fuck Adiboo was, it was a kids software program. Adiboo was an alien kid or something.
—————————
Adiboo
Adiboo
Always got a lotta things to do!
Best of all
its up to you!
with a cool cool pal called
Adiboo!
Who does the building? (I do I do)
Who does the driving? (I dooooooo!)
Its me and you
and you and me
and me and you and ADIBOO!
Ooo, ooo! Oooo!
(legal junk said really fast)
Adiboo!
Jingle Bells Song #7210: Jingle Balls
Jingle Balls
Jingle Balls
run across a field
oh what fun
it is to run
free-balling all the way
hey!
Jingle Balls
Jingle Balls
swing across a tree
Now you’re like George of the Jungle
‘cept the squirrels gave you rabies
hey!
Jingle Balls
Jingle Balls
walk into a seven-eleven
they won’t want you to be there
you’re bad for business
and they don’t want to be gay
hey!
The I Found a Penny Song
(this song is made, so that you sing it after you find a penny. if you dont find a penny, replace “penny” with another name of a coin. You can make your own beat)
—————————-
I found a penny
I found a penny
Oh look at me
I have a penny
I have a penny
I have a penny
because you don’t
you don’t have a penny
I found
a penny on the floor
floor
underneath your door
I am now one penny richer
but you are the same penny rich
you did not
get any pennies off the floor
An Erasing We Will Go
Parody of the song “A Hunting We Will Go”
——————–
Erase Erase Erase
Erase Erase Erase
Hi-ho-themerry-oh
an Erasing we will go
Going to erase some bears
Going to erase some bears
Hi-ho-the-merry-oh
an Erasing we will go
Going to shoot a tiger
Going to shoot a tiger
Hi-ho-the-merry-oh
an Eraser can be a gun
oh no oh no oh no
I got arrested by
the African police department
The Appliance Song
Toaster Strudel, put it in a toaster
Pop some popcorn, put it in a fahkin microwave
Cook some meat, put it on a motha fuckin barbecue!
Chorus:
Appliances
Appliances
Nothing like you haven’t already seen!
Appliances
Appliances
Nothing like you haven’t already seen!
Toss a blender in the street
Cause it cut off your feet
Then you
Can sue
The motha fucka that made the frickin thing!
Chorus x3
(end)
The Ugly Bunch
Parody of “The Brady Bunch” theme song
———————
Here’s a story
Of an ugly lady
Too bad this ho
Did not know
That her daughters were ugly
Here’s a story
Of a smelly man
Who you can’t stay
10 seconds with
or else you would suffocate and die
I wouldn’t wanna be his kids
Then One day this ugly lady met this smelly fellow
And they knew it was much more than a hunch
that this group of ugly people
would make a great ugly bunch
so they got married the next day
and thank God for that
now no one, has to marry those 2 ugly people now
THE UGLY BUUUNNCHH!!!
THE UGLY BUNCH
That’s the way they became the ugly bunch
THE UGLY BUNCH!
THE UGLY BUNCH!
Oh did we mention we had an ugly maid also?
The Way Hamsters Think I Am
Parody of “The Way I Am,” by Eminem
—————————-
Whatever…
Bro, just let pee run…
Hey yo, i’m the person they beat up a little bit…
Hey yo, this song is for anyone……that likes hamsters
Hey yo…what a stupid phrase
I sit back, with this six pack of Pepsi and this bag of these weeds from the garden,
it gives me the shit i need to be the most meanest hamster owner on this…
on this earth…and since birth I’ve been cursed with this cursed hamster
to just curse and just curse these weirdos that like hamsters and bizarre shit like that REALLY works,
and i sell my services and to relieve all this tension, i shoot the hamsters
Dispensing these hamsters, getting the bags
that’s been eatin’ my money recently out of my pockets.
And I rest again peacefully…
On my stupid little couch in the middle of the room
and ask to just leave me alone when you see freaks like me out
in the streets when I’m eatin’ or feedin’ my ashtray
to not come and donate money to me.
I don’t know you and no, I don’t want your money
i’m not a homeless man. I’m not Mister poor-o.
I’m not what your friends think.
I’m not Mister Unfriendly. I can be a crook.
If you tip me in my little empty cup on the corner.
No patience is in me and if you offend me,
with 5 little pennies…flyin through the air.
I don’t care who was there and who saw me destroy you.
I’ll, call you a lawyer. Insult your clawed suit.
I’ll smile in the courtroom and flick you off, then run like a goat.
I’m tired of all you penny-givers. I don’t want to be mean
but that’s all I can be. thats just the way it is.
And I am, whatever hamsters say I am.
If I wasn’t, then why would they say I am?
On the paper, the news, everyday they poo.
Radio won’t even say hamsters.
‘Cause, thats just the way hamsters think I am.
If I wasn’t, then why would they say I am?
On the paper, the news, everyday they poo.
I don’t know it’s just the way the hamsters think I am.
Sometimes I just feel like my mother. I hate to be dead…
with all of this weird things that actually make sense.
It’s constant and “Oh, it’s his maniacal jump rope.”
The song “Milky Chocolate” has gotten such rotten responses.
And all of this griping circles me
and it seems like the media immediately
points a finger in my ass…and records it
So I point one back at ’em but not the middle or pinky
or the ring or the thumb. It’s the one you put up
when you tell people to “git” when you just put up
with the bullshit they pull ’cause they fill the hamsters full of shit too.
When a guy is gettin bullied and shoots up your school with farts
they dont blame it on the telletubbies…and the heroin
where were the parents at? And look at where their hat is…
Under America
now it’s a tragedy
now it’s so sad to see
an upper-class hamster
having shit stuck up their ears.
Then attack me, while on the street
’cause I wrap presents this way.
But I’m glad ’cause they feed me the rabies
that I need for the fire in the oil drum to burn,
and it’s burnin’ and I have been burned too…
And I am, whatever hamsters say I am.
If I wasn’t, then why would they say I am?
On the paper, the news, everyday they poo.
Radio won’t even say hamsters.
‘Cause, thats just the way hamsters think I am.
If I wasn’t, then why would they say I am?
On the paper, the news, everyday they poo.
I don’t know it’s just the way the hamsters think I am.
I’m so sick and tired of not bein’ admired
that I wish that I would just live or get hired
and get droppings from a bird on my nose. Let’s stop with the folding of the tables.
I’m not goin’ to be able to put this on top of a hamster.
And pigeon-holes that keep pooping on me
that got me in rotation around getting kicked out of all the rock-n-roll stations, everyday
And I just do not got the patients…
to deal with these stupid hamsters
who think I’m some poonis who just tries to be green
’cause I dont talk with an accent and rip off all my balls.
So they always keep askin’ the same fuckin’ questions…
Where did I go to learn this stuff? What did I grow up in?
The why, the who what, when the where and the how
’til I’m grabbin’ their hair and I’m tearin’ it out.
You’ve been drivin’ me crazy. I just can’t take it.
I’m slicin’ I’m dicin’. I stand then I sit on a pooing hamster.
And I’m thankful for every hamster that I get to kill
but I can’t take a shit in the bathroom
without worrying about the stain…
You knew I won’t put deodorant on
you can call me an asshole, cuz i killed your hamster. I’m glad.
And I am, whatever hamsters say I am.
If I wasn’t, then why would they say I am?
On the paper, the news, everyday they poo.
Radio won’t even say hamsters.
‘Cause, thats just the way hamsters think I am.
If I wasn’t, then why would they say I am?
On the paper, the news, everyday they poo.
I don’t know it’s just the way the hamsters think I am.
Sometimes I just feel like my mother. I hate to be dead…
with all of this weird things that actually make sense.
(end)
POP! Goes the Weasel Part 2
Sung to the original version of the song “POP! Goes the Weasel”
——————————-
One day i was hunting through the forest
I saw a weasel
so i popped it in the head!
POP! GOES THE WEASEL!
then i saw a monkey trying to chase the weasel
i thought it was trying to take my food
so i popped it in the stomach!
POP! GOES THE MONKEY!
I only wish i hadnt shot the monkey!
cuz it was an endangered species!
now im in a jail!
somewhere in the Rainforest!
My gun was taken away from me!
Then someone thought they should pop me!
then they shot me in the leg!
POP! GOES THE HUNTER!
Then i got mad and kicked them all in the balls!
then i got my gun and popped them all in the head
what a mess…
POP! GOES THE WEIRD RAINFOREST INDIAN PEOPLE!
i went home and my wife was thinking about getting a devorse!
then i got my gun and popped her in the boob!
oh boy……i didnt know it was silicone….
POP! GOES MY WIFE’S BOOB!
(end)