A man was just admitted to the hospital for surgery. He said to his doctor, “Golly, I’m so frightened. This is my first operation.”
The doctor nodded his head and replied, “I know how you feel, it’s my first operation too!”
All posts by davepoobond
Joke #12007
OVERHEARD: “Doctor Dently sure is a great dentist. The last time I went to see him, he said he was going to give me gas. So I told him while he was at it, he’d better check the oil too.”
Joke #12006
Two kids were talking one day. The first boy said, “I have to get a calendar.”
The other lad asked, “Why?”
The first boy answered, “Because yesterday I got sick so I wouldn’t have to go to school, and then I found out it was Saturday.”
Joke #12005
“Doctor, you put my wife on a sardine diet. For two months she ate nothing but sardines.”
“Did she lose weight?”
“Sure she lost weight, but now every time she takes a bath, she fills the tub with olive oil.”
specialist
specialist – n. a doctor who has fewer patients than a general practitioner and more money
Joke #12003
HYPOCHONDRIAC: “Doctor, I have a pain in my neck.”
DOCTOR: “So do I, and you’re it!”
surgeon
surgeon – n. a guy who preferred to cut up at medical school
Joke #12001
On Wednesdays, it’s easy to pick out a doctor. He’s the guy carrying a little black medical bag in one hand and a big brown golf bag in the other.
Joke #12000
QUACK DOCTOR: “Do you want to know how to keep from losing your hair?”
PATIENT: “Yes, Doctor. How?”
QUACK DOCTOR: “Sew a name tag inside your toupee.”
Joke #11999
OPTOMETRIST: “How many fingers am I holding up on my right hand?”
PATIENT: “That’s easy. Six.”
OPTOMETRIST: “The only thing worse than your eyesight is your arithmetic.”
Joke #11998
I know a doctor who is so rich that he doesn’t wash his hands before an operation; he dry cleans them.
Joke #11997
FATHER: “So you want to become a doctor when you grow up? What are you doing now to prepare yourself for that line of work?”
SON: “Well, Dad, I’m learning to write real bad and play golf.”
Joke #11996
OVERHEARD IN A DRUG STORE: “I went to see my doctor yesterday, but I think he’s a quack. I told him my temperature was 100 and he told me to sell when it gets to 103!”
Joke #11995
PATIENT: “Doctor, I’d like to visit you tomorrow.”
DOCTOR: “I’m busy tomorrow. Make a date with my nurse.”
PATIENT: “Gee, do you think she’ll go out with me?”
Joke #11994
A man with two badly burned ears went to see his doctor.
“What happened?” asked the doctor.
“Well,” began the man, “my wife was ironing while I was watching a ball game on TV. She put the hot iron near the telephone and when the phone rang, I answer the iron.”
The doctor nodded. “But what happened to the other ear?”
“No sooner did I hang up,” said the man, “than the same guy called up again!”