TRAFFIC JUDGE: “For speeding, the penalty is ten days in jail or ten dollars cash.”
MOTORIST: “I’ll take the cash, Your Honor. I can use it.”
All posts by davepoobond
Joke #12346
Plea bargaining has changed the way Americans think. If they arrested Patrick Henry today, he’d probably say, “Give me liberty or make me a deal.”
Joke #12345
The gas shortage is certainly affecting crime. Yesterday two hoods robbed a bank of $50,000 and escaped on bicycles.
Joke #12344
Did you hear about the nervous hitman whose aim was so bad, he couldn’t rub out an elephant with a machine gun at ten paces?
Joke #12343
ATTENTION SHY GIRLS! When dating policemen beware of the long arms of the law.
Joke #12342
Did you hear about the dumb bank robber who got caught when he stopped after the job to ask a traffic cop for directions to the highway?
Joke #12341
Crooks are bolder than ever. The last time I was robbed, the mugger gave me his card in case I was ever in the neighborhood again.
Joke #12340
The crime rate in New York is worse than ever. These days pushcart vendors can make a living selling protection to tourists.
Joke #12339
Honesty is a thing of the past. Last week I played a slot machine, and it paid off in wooden nickels.
Joke #12338
Q: What do you get if you cross a policeman with an octopus?
A: A cop with eight long arms of the law.
Joke #12337
Crime is really bad in the East in the wintertime. During the last blizzard, a bunch of kids made a snowman and five minutes after it was finished, a crook came along and mugged it.
Joke #12336
Prison isn’t all that bad. At least you don’t have to worry about where your next meal is coming from.
Joke #12335
I live in a high-crime neighborhood. Even our police station has a burglar alarm.
Joke #12334
PRISONER: “I’ve got a complaint. The judge sentenced me to prison for the rest of my life.”
WARDEN: “So what’s your complaint?”
PRISONER: “Breaking rocks with a sledgehammer is not my idea of a rest.”
Joke #12333
“I know an ex-con who made a fortune in crooked dough.”
“Was he a counterfeiter?”
“No, a pretzel maker.”