“It took me so long to learn the ropes at work,” said the clerk, “I ended up hanging myself.”
All posts by davepoobond
Joke #12871
Did you hear about the fat man who was so overweight that his wife had to let out his shower curtain?
Joke #12870
A young hillbilly couple went to the state fair and tried the tunnel of love for the first time. After they came out, a friend asked the hillbilly how it was.
“I didn’t like it,” answered the boy. “It was dark and scary and we got soaking wet.”
The friend was confused. “Did the boat leak?” he asked.
The hillbilly looked at him in surprise and said, “There’s a boat?”
nincompoop
nincompoop – n. a rich kid who really believes that the school bully is going to pay back the money he borrowed from him
Joke #12864
You can always tell which people have short lunch breaks. They’re the ones who sip their soup through straws.
Joke #12863
ACTOR: “I hope the cameraman catches my best side!”
ACTRESS: “What’s that? The back of your head?”
Joke #12862
I heard a story about a husband whose wife was never pleased with any present he bought her. So one Christmas he decided to give her cash as a gift. Naturally, she exchanged it for something else.
Joke #12861
Did you hear the story about the divorcee who was concerned about ecology? She got married eight times because she wanted to keep recycling husbands.
Joke #12860
“Colonel Lee, you’ve had too many juleps,” scolded Mrs. Lee. “Sir, you’re in no condition to go out.”
“That’s not true,” the Colonel argued. “Dear lady, I’ll have you know that I’m in mint condition.”
Joke #12859
CUSTOMER: “Waiter, the food in this restaurant tastes terrible.”
WAITER: “I’m sorry you don’t like it, sir. Are there any other complaints?”
CUSTOMER: “Yes. Your portions are much too small.”
Joke #12858
The other day I met a politician who must have been campaigning too hard. I saw him shake a baby and kiss a man’s hand.
Joke #12857
What an ego my college roommate has! He says he wouldn’t let them make a clone of him because they simply couldn’t improve on perfection.
Joke #12856
“I tried a new raw fish diet. For a month I ate nothing but raw fish.”
“Did you lose weight?”
“No. But now I can balance a ball on my nose and bark like a seal.”
Joke #12855
A man should never marry a pretty woman. He should always marry an ugly woman. If a man marries a pretty woman and in a few months she gets tired of him and she runs off, he’s heartbroken. An ugly woman might run away too, but who cares?
Joke #12854
Girls, never trust guitar players. They’ll string you along.