Did you hear about the bow-legged man who married a knock-kneed woman? When they stand together they spell out the word, “OX.”
All posts by davepoobond
Joke #12902
A bachelor was finding it hard to decide whether he should marry a very beautiful but stupid girl or a rather plain-looking creature who was blessed with a magnificent voice. Art triumphed. He married the soprano.
The morning after the nuptials he woke up, took one look at his sleeping bride, nudged her and shrieked, “For heaven’s sake, sing!”
Joke #12900
It’s very confusing nowadays to see boys looking like girls, with the long hair and pocketbooks and even earrings. I was sitting in a restaurant when a girl came in and turned to the person at the next table and said, “Isn’t it awful how boys look like girls these days?”
“That’s my son,” she said, pointing to the girl.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were the mother.”
“I’m not,” the answer came indignantly. “I’m the father!”
Joke #12899
There was a girl who dropped her diver boyfriend because she couldn’t get him to give her a pearl out of an oyster. So she started dating older gentlemen and ended up getting a diamond out of an old crab.
Joke #12898
ACTRESS: “My husband wants a divorce.”
AGENT: “What do you think you should do?”
ACTRESS: “I really don’t know what to do. My psychiatrist is away on a vacation.”
Joke #12897
SNOB #1: “My ancestors came over on the Mayflower.”
SNOB #2: “Tut! Tut! My ancestors owned the Mayflower.”
Joke #12896
OVERHEARD IN A HOLLYWOOD STUDIO: “My last movie made over 35 million dollars. One million on admissions and 34 million on the popcorn!”
Joke #12895
GAL (to her boss): “Mr. Stanley, my mother told me to ask you for a raise.”
MR. STANLEY: “Okay, I’ll ask my mother if I may give you one.”
Joke #12894
GAL (to office boy carrying a large stack of paper): “What’s all that, Charlie?”
CHARLIE: “These are memos from the boss telling us to cut down on using too much paper!”
Joke #12893
PERSONNEL DIRECTOR: “I want you to know, Mr. Vummer, for this job we want someone who is responsible.”
MR. VUMMER: “That’s me. On my last job, whenever something went wrong, they said I was responsible.”
Joke #12892
FIRST WORKER: “You mean to say you lost your last job because the weather didn’t agree with you? What type of work did you do?”
SECOND WORKER: “I was a TV weather forecaster.”
Joke #12891
“What kind of work do you do?”
“My boss says it’s sloppy.”
Joke #12890
Gal at desk of fellow worker: “I’m taking up a collection to buy a larger collection box!”
Joke #12889
Overheard in a large office: “I have to ask for a raise. My take-home pay doesn’t even make it halfway home now!”
Joke #12888
CLERK #1: “Do you file your nails?”
CLERK #2: “No, I just throw them away!”