WIFE TO BANK CLERK: “I want to make a withdrawal from my husband’s half of our joint account.”
All posts by davepoobond
Joke #13191
LADY: “Why are you so miserable?”
MAN: “My daughter ran off with my chaufeur.”
LADY: “Do you miss her?”
MAN: “No. I miss my Rolls Royce. They ran off in it.”
Joke #13190
My husband is so bald that when you look at him from a distance, it looks like his neck is blowing bubblegum.
Joke #13189
My wife is suicide blonde — dyed by her own hand.
Joke #13188
To a father, a new baby is an addition to his family and a deduction on his income tax.
Joke #13187
“Why are you so sad?”
“My wife just remarried and I don’t have to pay alimony anymore.”
“Well, that’s nothing to be sad about.”
“Yes it is. She married my boss and now I’m fired.”
Joke #13186
Is my wife fat? Let me put it this way. I never put a ring around a tub until we got engaged.
Joke #13185
My aunt is a bill collector. She’s had five husbands and they were all named William.
Joke #13184
My wife wouldn’t agree to us having adjoining funeral plots. She says that knowing the way I sleep, I’d probably hog all the sod.
Joke #13183
My older sister is a real dog. Last Christmas Santa left a flea collar in her stocking.
Joke #13182
“I’ve got the best wife a married man could have,” boasted the old-timer.
To which his friend replied, “Oh, you’re a widower too?”
Joke #13181
I met my wife at the track. I went to the races to bet on a nag and ended up saddled with one for life.
Joke #13180
Give a teenaged girl an inch, and she’ll make a string bikini out of it.
Joke #13179
Pity the poor husband who leads such a dull life that he looks forward to dental appointments.
Joke #13178
HUSBAND: “My wife is into jogging. Every morning she runs down to the bank to make a withdrawal.”