The best exercise you can do to lose weight is to push yourself away from the table three times a day.
All posts by davepoobond
Joke #13222
A man frantically rushed into a hospital emergency room with two broken arms. He ran up to the nurse at the desk and shouted, “I need a doctor!”
The nurse calmly nodded and said, “Before we treat you, I have to know one vital fact.”
“I’m not allergic to penicillin,” cried the man. “My heart is fine and I’m not on any medication.”
“That’s good,” said the nurse, “but that’s not the information I need.”
“What is it then?” shouted the man, grimacing in pain.
The nurse replied, “Do you have medical coverage or will you pay cash?”
Joke #13221
My doctor told me to take tranquilizers once a month, right before I get his bill.
Joke #13220
My psychiatrist told me he knows what makes me tick, but he can’t explain what makes me chime on the hour.
Joke #13219
I know a doctor who’s so cheap, every time he goes home for Christmas he charges his parents for a house call.
Joke #13218
“Doctor, what’s the quickest cure for double vision?”
“Shut one eye!”
Joke #13217
PATIENT: “Doctor, I’m terrified of robins. Everytime I see one, I break into a cold sweat.”
PSYCHIATRIST: “But why are you frightened of robins, Mr. Smith?”
PATIENT: “Aren’t most worms?”
Joke #13216
MAN: “I need help, Doc. My wife thinks she’s a kitty cat.”
PSYCHIATRIST: “What do you want me to do?”
MAN: “Get her to stop eating canaries!”
Joke #13215
DOCTOR: “You are much too overweight, Miss Fenton.”
MISS FENTON: “I”m not overweight. I’m just 9 inches too short.”
Joke #13214
DOCTOR TO HIS PATIENT: “Next time you see spots before your eyes, Mrs. Woodworth, grab a pencil and try to connect them.
Joke #13213
A woman patient sitting in the dentist chair opened her mouth as wide as she could. The dentist said, “You don’t have to open that wide. I don’t plan to stand inside.”
Joke #13212
A mother was having a talk with her next door neighbor. “My son, Robert, is in medical school. He wants to deliver babies. To be honest, I would not trust him to deliver newspapers.”
Joke #13211
PATIENT: “Doctor, now that you’ve diagnosed my case, can you cure me?”
DOCTOR: “I’m afraid I can’t, sir. You see, your illness is hereditary.”
PATIENT: “Well, in that case, Doc, send the bill to my father.”
Joke #13210
DICK: “Did they take X-rays of your wife’s jaw in the hospital?”
RICK: “Oh, they tried, but the only thing they could get were motion pictures.”
Joke #13209
PATIENT: “Doctor, when I came to you six months ago, you told me that to cure my rheumatism I should avoid dampness. I’ve followed your advice, but I’ve lost all my friends.”
DOCTOR: “When I told you to avoid dampness, I didn’t mean you couldn’t take a bath.”