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Tag - vagina


“Katy Perry – Dark Horse” Breakdown

April 24th, 2014 Posted in Music, Screwed Up Chronicles No Comments »

This entry is part 13 of 13 in the series Dave's Breakdown

To continue on the earlier thought that practically every song Katy Perry sings is about Katy Perry taking it from a very large penis in some shape or form, her recent single “Dark Horse” is also about a big penis slapping the shit out of her ovaries.   In this edition of Dave’s Breakdown, we’ll go over the lyrics of this song with a fine toothed-comb.

[Juicy J:]
“Yeah / Ya’ll know what it is / Katy Perry / Juicy J, aha. / Let’s rage”

Okay this part is your normal introduction of the “guest” singer in a song.  So we have it established that this guy “Juicy J” is the object of Katy Perry’s lower abdominal discomfort.  As his name implies, he probably has a very large, juicy penis.  Or at least, that’s what we’re supposed to believe.

[Katy Perry:]
“I knew you were / You were gonna come to me”

Well, you can’t get more blunt than this.  This guy is “cumming” to her!

“And here you are / But you better choose carefully”

Choosing what, you might ask?  I’m guessing anal or vagina.  You have to choose carefully because if you go anal you can’t go vagina unless you trade out the condom because then there will be shit on the condom and putting shit into a vagina isn’t nice for anyone.

“‘Cause I, I’m capable of anything / Of anything and everything”

She’s open to every position you can think of, and she is very flexible.

“Make me your Aphrodite / Make me your one and only / But don’t make me your enemy, your enemy, your enemy”

Something about not being open to threesomes.

“So you wanna play with magic / Boy, you should know what you’re falling for”

Play with “magic” being semen swirling inside of her vagina.  Falling, because when she squirts, she squirts with such force she’ll make you fall backwards.

“Baby do you dare to do this?”

It is pretty dangerous because her vagina/ass is very tight.

“Cause I’m coming at you like a dark horse”

Now, here it is.  She is riding the “you” in the song like a horse, but a dark one.  Because you didn’t expect her to be so easily fuckable.

“Are you ready for, ready for / A perfect storm, perfect storm”

She’s so perfect in bed, the sheets will wrap up like a tornado or something, and you can’t get out until you rip a tendon.

“Cause once you’re mine, once you’re mine / There’s no going back”

Once you decide to go steady with her, anal is off the table.

“Mark my words / This love will make you levitate”

Your semen is going to “levitate” cause you’re going to be laying down while she’s riding you like a (dark) horse.

“Like a bird / Like a bird without a cage / But down to earth / If you choose to walk away, don’t walk away”

You can’t leave until you make her squawk like a bird.

“It’s in the palm of your hand now baby / It’s a yes or no, no maybe / So just be sure before you give it all to me / All to me, give it all to me”

Katy Perry’s ovaries are in your hands and you have to put them back inside her vagina, fertilized.

[Juicy J – Rap Verse:]
“Uh / She’s a beast / I call her Karma (come back) / She eats your heart out / Like Jeffrey Dahmer (woo) / Be careful / Try not to lead her on / Shorty’s heart is on steroids / Cause her love is so strong / You may fall in love / When you meet her / If you get the chance you better keep her / She’s sweet as pie but if you break her heart / She’ll turn cold as a freezer / That fairy tale ending with a knight in shining armor / She can be my Sleeping Beauty / I’m gon’ put her in a coma / Woo!”

Translation:  Wear a condom or you’re fucked in more ways than one.  Knight in shining “armor” indeed…

“Damn I think I love her / Shorty so bad, I’m sprung and I don’t care”

Not even trying to hide that this part is about a penis.

“She ride me like a roller coaster / Turned the bedroom into a fair (a fair!)”

Usually roller coasters come with lots of safety precautions, but once you’re set up, its going to be up and down, up and down, up and down, and possibly barfing at the end because of all the nausea/gagging.  There will also be lots of gross food and cotton candy pubic hair.

“Her love is like a drug / I was tryna hit it and quit it / But lil’ mama so dope / I messed around and got addicted”

Funny how they use a word that has the word “dick” in it at the end of this verse.

In conclusion, Katy Perry has big boobs, but now her songs are more about being exclusive to one person and getting only one person to fuck her brains out in a consistent relationship rather than as a fleeting one night stand like in her song “Firework.”

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Look around your landscape, do you see anything…

September 21st, 2013 Posted in The Squackle Quiz No Comments »

Look around your landscape, do you see anything else you would like to improve?

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Are your hedges or shrubs overgrown, unshaped…

September 21st, 2013 Posted in The Squackle Quiz No Comments »

Are your hedges or shrubs overgrown, unshaped, or covered with yellowish, brown, or pale leaves?

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Is your lawn ground cover brown, pale, or sparse (chlorosis)?

September 21st, 2013 Posted in The Squackle Quiz No Comments »

Is your lawn ground cover brown, pale, or sparse (chlorosis)?

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Do you have a fucking problem?

February 26th, 2013 Posted in The Squackle Quiz No Comments »

Do you have a fucking problem?

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Quote #22169

March 13th, 2012 Posted in Quotes No Comments »

“I can’t stand the words VAGINA and UNDERWEAR. I ask way too many questions because I always want to know why. I have a big heart. I can make 30 minute brownies in 20. I can’t parallel park and refuse to learn. :)”

– a girl’s dating profile

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Free Vaginal Cream For Life

February 20th, 2012 Posted in Email Forwards No Comments »

This is an Email forward you can send to your friends.

Subject: Free Vaginal Cream For Life!

Data from our server shows that this IP frequently visits our site, Myitchyvagina, for relief of painful feminine irritation.

Well, we’ve got a deal for you. For a limited time only, sign up for our “That Time of the Month Club” and receive free* daily anti-itch vaginal cream for LIFE!

If you are interested, sign up at Myitchyvagina.

Don’t let this great deal slip out of your vagina!!!

*$5.95 shipping and handling per bottle of daily anti-itch vaginal cream.

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Quote #22096

January 16th, 2012 Posted in Quotes No Comments »

(Regarding a woman’s vagina)

“My grandfather said ‘If it smells like fish, then it’s a dish.  If it smells like cologne, then leave it alone.'”

– Boomking

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Quote #22093

January 13th, 2012 Posted in Quotes No Comments »

“I ACUALLY KNOW HOW TO BE NICE TO GUYS ON HERE UNLIKE ALOT OF THE STUCK OF WHORE ****ES ON HERE WHO THINK THEY ARE TOO GOOD FOR GUYS. WELL WAKE THE **** UP. YOU AINT sh*tWITHOUT A PENIS IN YOUR VAGINA.”

– from a girl’s dating profile

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emmeniopathy

December 6th, 2011 Posted in Dictionary No Comments »

emmeniopathy – n. a general term meaning menstrual disorder or disease

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eating pussy

December 6th, 2011 Posted in Dictionary No Comments »

eating pussy – n. slang for the act of vaginal oral sex

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eat out

December 6th, 2011 Posted in Dictionary No Comments »

eat out – v. slang for the act of vaginal oral sex

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DVDA

November 14th, 2011 Posted in Dictionary No Comments »

DVDA – Acronymn. acronym for “double vagina, double anal,” which is a sexual activity in which penetration of a woman is simultaneously done by four men.

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double penetration

November 14th, 2011 Posted in Dictionary No Comments »

double penetration – n.  a sexual activity in which a woman is penetrated by two men simultaneously — one in the vagina and one in the anus.

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deep tongue

November 14th, 2011 Posted in Dictionary No Comments »

deep tongue – v. slang term for french kissing

;} oral-vaginal sex where the tongue is inserted deep inside the vagina

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