Whipseey and the Lost Atlas (PC) Review

Developer: Daniel A. Ramirez | Publisher: Blowfish Studios || Overall: 7.0/10

Platformer Recipe: Jumping + killing + platforms.

Whipseey Recipe: Kirby + Mario + …Indiana Jones?

Whipseey and the Lost Atlas is a fairly simple platformer developed by one guy. It looks pretty good, plays fine, and is technically a pretty short game. You jump, kill stuff with your whip, and progress through stages before encountering a boss. There’s not a whole lot of complexity to it, really.

The main bulk of gameplay is actually going to come from replaying the same stages over and over. You’re given five lives to progress through the current stage, which has about 10 levels in it. Dying on a level will reset you to that current level as long as you still have lives left. If you die with no lives left, you reset back to five lives and the very first level of that stage. The intent is to get to the boss level with losing the least amount of lives possible so that you can use them up on attempting the boss. One could even say this idea is “retro.”

In reality, it is artificial lengthening of the content since there’s only a few different stages total. There are also ridiculous difficulty spikes on some levels that are a lot harder than they feel like they should be. Some levels after the hard ones are easier, which isn’t a typical difficulty progression and can get quite frustrating. There aren’t any power ups or things to help you progress if you seem to get stuck. The only thing the game provides in this sense, is collecting 100 coins which gifts you an extra life. However, most enemies only give you 3 coins, so it will most likely only help you once every other run. That isn’t much to make a difference since you don’t exactly have that much agency over when to cash in on that life.

The art is absolutely the best thing about the game, and if it didn’t look so cute I probably would have lost interest much earlier. The controls are tight enough when playing with a controller and the game runs smooth. The story is barebones as hell and a little baffling to see a human turn into a pink puffy thing and be named “Whipseey” despite already having a name as a human. The music also matches well.

The game is pretty inexpensive, and I’d say that it might even be something to let your kid take endless cracks at while you’re browsing Squackle for funny jokes and moderately informative game reviews. Overall, I’d recommend the title if you can get it for very cheap and want a distraction for about an hour.

 

Hate Mail #24777

Submitted through the Jingle Bells song submission form.

This form was submitted:  Dec 14 2007 / 07:56:45

name = XxOliviaxX
jinglesong = hey hey hey hey hey hey this site is frickin lame hey hey hey hey hey go play some drinkinking games hey your a loser you so fat la la la la la this site is frickin lame!!!!!!!

 

Squackle.com! Mottos

Mottos are needed when you want to boast about how good your site is.  Here’s a bunch of mottos and potential ad blurbs I thought up.  They may or may not be used at some point.

Mottos:

  • Squackle.com!  The Funniest Site on the Net!
  • Squackle.com!  Bitches Beware!
  • Squackle.com!  The Site That Saved the World! / The “Site” That Saved(?) “the” World!
  • Squackle.com!  Better Than Porn!
  • Squackle.com!  Annoying the World, One Person at a Time
  • Squackle.com!  Annoying the World, More Than One Person at a Time
  • Squackle.com!  Bringing You and Your Family Closer to Insanity
  • Squackle.com!  So Much Crap, So Little Time
  • Squackle.com!  70% of Our Visitors Probably Have Their Pants Around Their Ankles
  • Squackle.com!  We didn’t cut the fat!
  • Squackle.com!  One of the Funniest Sites on the Net (deprecated, but classic)
  • Squackle.com!  A Lot of Advantages
  • Squackle.com! More Visitors Than Voters in the Green Party
  • There’s a place for everything, even your mom, on Squackle.com
  • Keep Smilin’
  • Wait a second… game reviews?

Ad Blurbs:

  • Hey, fag.  Go to Squackle! www.squackle.com
  • Jo MAMA lives in Bahrain! Buy the shirt at www.squackle.com
  • I screwed jo mama after she went to this site www.squackle.com
  • There’s naked pictures of your momma on the web. Go here to see them. www.squackle.com
  • ohh The Best Part of Wakin’ Up, is screwin your mom up the assssss! www.squackle.com
  • Hey, you.  Do something productive with your meaningless life and go to this meaningless site.  It’s funny!  Tell people about it, too.
  • Squackle <—— funny site.   Tell people about it.
  • Hey you!  Got nothing to do?  Go to this site, it’s funny, and there is funny stuff there, too!  Go as soon as you can, this shit is hi-frickin-larious.  Tell people about it, too!
  • Ain’t today pretty?  Pretty boring!  Wanna get un-bored?  Go to this site, it’s funny and well worth it to go.  So go now, and tell people about it, too!
 

Squacklecast Episode 19 – “The 18th 15th Anniversary Special Edition”

This entry is part 19 of 38 in the series The Squacklecast

October 18 is Squackle’s Anniversary!!!!!!!!  It is now 15 years old!!!!  Holy shit, does anyone even care???

As a special celebration, special guest and special friend of Squackle.com, Charlie Sheen is with us today for a special Squacklecast!

The following is also talked about:

Halloween and Halloween movies.  We go over Rotten Tomatoes’ list of Halloween movies.

Great Pumpkin

South Park’s newest season.

Black Dynamite was mentioned.

Old Cartoons, like Wacky Races, and other 60’s/70’s-era cartoons, as well as Tom & Jerry.

Tom & Jerry was recently remade, if you weren’t aware, so we started talking about bringing back older cartoons as new series, such as:

The 2011 Thundercats. Masters of the Universe the movie and that newer Masters of the Universe show.

If I could bring back a show for a reboot, it would be Street Sharks.   Make it live action!!  WHY NOT.  Swat Kats would also be cool, wouldn’t it?

Street Sharks

Street Sharks

Or rebooting Reboot.

We also dote upon the history of wiping after pooping.

The Random Wikipedia Article of the day is this thing:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Sindhi_festivals

Also, kids in movies (and life) suck.

I Hate Children

I Hate Children

 

Mauvais sang is one of those movies we watched in film class.

We also review our current Netflix Queues and how we tackle our movie viewing schedules.

Thanks ya’ll!  15 years down the drain.  Here’s to the next 15 years.

 

#23299: davepoobond -> SexiLilFreek096

davepoobond: WAIT A SECOND

davepoobond: DID YOU JUST SAY YOU WERE OUT OF SCHOOL

SexiLilFreek096: ok

davepoobond: IN THE CHAT ROOM

SexiLilFreek096: ya y ?

davepoobond: cause

davepoobond: umm

davepoobond: hi

SexiLilFreek096: well hi

davepoobond: well hi!

davepoobond: hi hi hi

SexiLilFreek096: hi hi hi

SexiLilFreek096: ssry

davepoobond: sore

SexiLilFreek096: so were do u live

davepoobond: in my own world

davepoobond: called hell

davepoobond: i’m Satan, didn’t you know?

SexiLilFreek096: well if ur on the comp who’s watchin ova hell

davepoobond: hold on

SexiLilFreek096: ok

davepoobond: i think its Bob Hope’s shift right now

SexiLilFreek096: lol

SexiLilFreek096: r u outa skool

davepoobond: uhh yeah…i’ve been outta “skool” since i fell from Heaven

davepoobond: i got really bad grades

davepoobond: so i fell out of it

SexiLilFreek096: sure

SexiLilFreek096: im out till january 5th

davepoobond: yay

davepoobond: i’m out for eternity

davepoobond: y’know, being Satan and all

davepoobond: God doesn’t really want me back

SexiLilFreek096: o ya i c how it is

davepoobond: its a real bitch

SexiLilFreek096: well if ur satin u maust a’ got bad bad grades cause u cant spell ur own name

davepoobond: uhh

davepoobond: do you know what “satin” is?

davepoobond: “satin” is a type of textile

davepoobond: people WEAR satin

SexiLilFreek096: ya i no that

davepoobond: oh ok. glad we’re on the same page

SexiLilFreek096: ok

davepoobond: gonna go torture some more souls

davepoobond: see ya later

davepoobond: by the way, go to www.squackle.com its got lots of stuff made by me (Satan). its an orgrasm

SexiLilFreek096: ight ur on my bl is that kool

davepoobond: sure ok

SexiLilFreek096: bye ttyl

 

CrazE-mail #23031

Back in the year 2000, I was hosting Squackle at Angelfire, which was/is a free web host.  I got this e-mail and decided to have fun with them.

>>>From: “Angelfire Staff” <staff@angelfire.com>
>>>Subject: Password check
>>>Date: Thu, 18 May 2000 20:21:08 -0700

To ensure that your site, http://www.angelfire.com/ca4/squackle , is maintained properly, we periodically request that the webmaster of each site verify his or her password with Angelfire.  Please send your username, along with your password, to zoopx9@hotmail.com, my personal address, so that I can make sure everything is in order.  We hope you continue to use Angelfire to host your webpages in the future.

Sincerely,

Karl
Angelfire staff

>>>To: zoopx9@hotmail.com
>>>Subject: Re: Password check
>>>Date: Sat, 20 May 2000 08:13:59 PDT

hi!  how are you!  my password is:  jungjung  and my directory is biz/poopers

thank for making me safer on angelfire!

>>>From: “Tim Groves” <zoopx9@hotmail.com>
>>>Subject: Re: Password check
>>>Date: Sat, 20 May 2000 12:04:02 PDT

Hello again.  I received your e-mail containing the directory and password for your site at Angelfire.  However, the information was inaccurate.  Please verify that what you sent was correct and resend it.  We appreciate your cooperation, and thank you for using Angelfire.
Sincerely,

Karl
Angelfire Staff

 

ABBO

Found this link today:

http://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php?topic=14623.0

Thought it was hilarious that they were quoting and linking to one of the very old posts on the Squackle Bulletin Board during 2007.  I don’t have those forums operational or even accessible anymore, but here’s a few choice quotes about Squackle itself from the above link.

Here’s the story behind it  – http://www.squackle.com/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.cgi?board=submit;action=display;num=1157705918  

Fuck me I laughed when I saw it…..

I think the golden rule is, if you see something on a place called Squackle that claims to be ‘THE FUNNIEST WEBSITE ON THE NET’, it’s probably not a good idea to post it on CaB. Especially, y’know, when it’s lazily slapped together bigoted shit. I don’t think even Kevin Bloody Wilson performs material that bad any more.

Expect it to appear on Squackle before elevenses.

Luckily, a new user to Squackle has voiced my thoughts for me on the site:

Quote from: “Cake”

WHAT A BUNCH OF UTTER RACIST CUNTS.

As far as I’m concerned, the quality (or lack thereof) of the mong is immaterial.  Abbo is a purely pejorative term and is going to stick in my (and most folks) craw as much as any of the equivalents.  Sorry, Sadness, linking to a thread where people are laughing at them for looking like monkeys isn’t much of a get-out.

A great reply:

Quote

Fuck you! Come here to crit the site, the owner of this site is cool this site is cool and the people who post here are cool. Where is your ultra cool site douchebag? If ya don’t like it then why are ya here?

Nobody tell him…

Quote

Srry dave but my cuz is black I hang with him every weekend and I got this fuck talkin about me being a racist.

If he’s not a racist, why does he only hang with him at weekends?!?  Eh?!  Eh?!

Quote

Well fuck you go home and eat yourself cake! It’s fucking humor cock face!

“It’s only a bit of fun!!!”

Quote

Luckily, a new user to Squackle has voiced my thoughts for me on the site:

That is me.  I joined as soon as i could and put a few posts down around the forum. UNfortunately i told them that the site had no talent compared to B3ta or here.

 

Hate Mail #22844

Submitted through Quicky Joke submission form.

This form was submitted:  Jun 05 2005 / 00:08:12

name = THIS WEBSITE SUCKS!
email = heydontemailme@aol,com
use_email = no
qjoke = THIS website IS A DISCRASE AND U GUYS SHOULD NOT BE DOING THIS SHIT..U GUYS R ASSWHGOELS GET A FRICKING LIFE AND STOP MAKEING THESE JOKES

 

500,000 Hits!?

I should probably not be surprised, considering over the years there have actually been at least twice as many hits served from my site before I switched over to WordPress, but hey GUESS WHAT?

Squackle.com in its current incarnation (on WordPress) has hit more than half a million page hits!  508,000+ to be exact.  That has been since 2007.  Not bad, I guess.

To commemorate this milestone, I thought I’d post a list of some of the current popular pages for all to see:

http://squackle.com/21928/screwed-up-chronicles/visalus-sciences-how-being-a-scam-is-a-self-fulfilling-prophecy/

http://squackle.com/14944/screwed-up-chronicles/katy-perry-firework-breakdown/

http://squackle.com/22284/screwed-up-chronicles/odin-sphere-ps2-review/

http://squackle.com/22393/media/audio/thesquacklecast/squacklecast-episode-6-mermaid-off-the-port-bow/

http://squackle.com/6548/other-junk/lists/youre-so-stupid-insults/

http://squackle.com/6964/media/twin-tower-20/

http://squackle.com/6517/other-junk/lists/the-many-ways-to-say-butt/

http://squackle.com/11082/downloads/download-shit-talker-v12/

Thank you to everyone who keeps coming back to Squackle — and also thanks to everyone who does random ass google searches and thinks that Squackle.com will actually provide helpful information (when it is actually quite the opposite).

 

“Smart” Navigation Update

I finally stopped being lazy and implemented a nice little feature that you may (or may not) get some use out of.

If you are looking at a category and click on any of the posts while on that page, such as the Squackle Quiz, you are now able to click to the previous or next posts WITHIN the Squackle Quiz category from that single post — this is instead of any random posts that may have been posted in between each quiz question.

What this basically means is the following:

If you want to answer all the quiz questions one at a time without having a huge list to look at, you are now able to go to each page one right after another without being diverted.

Hope that helps!