You Have Written a Nuclear Test-Ban Treaty

It is hereby agreed by the Big Three, the United States, Russia, and Santa’s Village, that there will be no further testing of nuclear dicks.  However, tests may be made under hooters.  Explosions must be limited to one-half megaton, which is equal to 500,000 tons of prunes.  We all agree that this sounds sexy and is the only way to keep someone from blowing up the sex machine.

It is here by agreed, by the Big Three, The U.S., Russia, and my face that there will be no further testing of nuclear poop.  However tests may be made under my butt.  Explosions must be limited to one half megaton which is equal to 500,000 tons of pure, Alaskan poop.  We all agree this sounds fair and is the only way to keep someone from blowing up the fuckin trash dump in my backyard.