Joke #21192: Astronomy Notes

Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the planetarium where we’re going to have another great day of astronomy notes. Looks to be a promising day as I see class hasn’t even started and a kid to my left, the teacher’s right, has already fallen asleep. OK, so class is now underway and his first issue of discussion is yelling at some kid for reading the BG News in class. Talk about taking the bull by the horns. Now we see him display information on the overhead. Personally, I see two things wrong with this. 1) It has words and number on it that no one in this class understands, and 2) The fricken print is about a size six font, it’s too small to even read! How are the students taking to this? Well, the one kid’s still asleep and another is playing games on his calculator. He’s obviously been in this class long enough to know how to pass the time. Kudos to you young man, kudos to you. Back to class at hand though. Let’s listen in with our in-class mic we have secretly attached to the professor. “Be glad you don’t live on Jupiter because if you did, you wouldn’t have a surface to live on, you would weight 2 1/2 times more than what you do here, and you would have about 25 more moons to memorize.”

Well that’s some good information. Obvious. But good. I tell you what, if I didn’t have a surface to stand on, I sure wouldn’t want to live there. Ah, now we see some information we can actually read. This has caught some of the students. One point for the teacher. I believe the students are still in the lead 3-1 however, due to the two kids sleeping and the calculator playing fellow. Well I’ve been part of some boring astronomy classes, but wow. Today’s is just bad. I see some desperate measures are being taken now by the professor as he has resorted to his slides, flipping from one to the next in a flee of unorganization. That’s going to be scored as minus one point for him. Bad form. During his search for the right slide, I believe I heard someone mutter a “Boring.” What a horrible display of teaching skills. And now he shows us a slide of a picture of a planet’s moon and shows his fascination with how it looks like the Death Star from Star Wars. I believe it is time to end this. This day of class has been ended prematurely due to the teachers own stupidity. I can’t even write anymore. I quit. Enjoy the rest of your day, folks. Your final score is…

Well, honestly, who cares?.

 

Joke #18704

At the prestigious university I attend, there is a clear hierarchy that outlines how long one was to wait for a class to begin if the professor were absent.

A full professor rated fifteen minutes. An associate only ten. A mere instructor was expected to be on time, if not early. This system worked only one way, however; and students were afforded no such grace.

It was to be expected, therefore, that one professor, the foremost authority in his field by his own admission, would register distinct annoyance when the student, just out of military service, was late for class for the third morning running.

“Tell me,” the professor began, “exactly what did they say in the Army when you sauntered in late like this?”

“Well,” mused the unperturbed young man… “first they saluted, then they asked, ‘How are you this morning, sir?'”

 

Joke #18605

One semester when my brother, Peter, attended the University of Minnesota in Minneapolis, an art-student friend of his asked if he could paint Peter’s portrait for a class assignment. Peter agreed, and the art student painted and submitted the portrait, only to receive a C minus.

The art student approached the professor to ask why the grade was so poor. The teacher told him that the proportions in the painting were incorrect.

“The head is too big,” the professor explained. “The shoulders are too wide, and the feet are enormous.”

The next day, the art student brought Peter to see the professor. He took one look at my brother and said, “Okay, A minus.”

 

Joke #18570

A botanist had just returned from an expedition to the South Pacific Islands and was dicussing their adventures with their colleagues back at the university where they taught.

“What was the most exciting discovery you found there?”, asked a fellow professor. One of them replied, “The people native to this one island had discovered the most amazing cure for constipation. Using only the leaves of the local palm trees they concocted a suppository which quickly cured the ailment.”

Another professor asked, “A palm leaf suppository? Did it really work?”

Replied the botanist, “Sure! With fronds like these, who needs enemas?”

 

Joke #18526

A professor at the Michigan State University was known for giving boring, cliche-ridden lectures.

At the beginning of one semester, an innovative class breathed new life into the course by assigning baseball plays to each hackneyed phrase.

For example, when the professor said, “On the other hand,” that counted as a base hit. “By the same token” was a strike out; “and so on” counted as a stolen base. Divided into two teams by the center aisle of the lecture hall, the students played inning after inning of silent but vigorous baseball.

On the last day of class, the impossible happened: the score was tied and bases were loaded. Then the batter hit a home run! The winning team stood and cheered wildly.

Though deeply appreciative, the professor later was quoted as wondering why only half of the students had been enthusiastic about his lectures.

 

Joke #12589

PHILOSOPHY STUDENT: “I just had lunch an hour ago.”

PHILOSOPHY PROFESSOR: “You mean you ‘think’ you just had lunch.”

PHILOSOPHY STUDENT: “No, I’m sure.  I ate six stuffed peppers.”

PHILOSOPHY PROFESSOR: “That’s still no proof.  You could think you ate six stuffed peppers.  It could all be in your mind.”

PHILOSOPHY STUDENT: “That’s impossible, Professor.  I know I had lunch because I have indigestion, and it’s in my stomach not my mind.”