A vacation is when you take a trip to some sexy place with your stupid family. Usually you go to some place that is near a car or up on a head. A good vacation is one where you can ride apes, or play sex, or go hunting for boobs. I like to spend my time gargling or fucking. When parents go on vacation, they spend their time eating three pizzas a day, and fathers play golf and mothers sit around sexing. Last summer my little brother fell in a pussy and got poison Venus fly trap all over his dick. My family is going to a strip club, and I will practice partying. Parents need vacations more than kids because parents are always very sexy and because they have to work 69 hours every day all year making enough dicks to pay for the vacation.
The district attorney was cross-examining the murderess on the witness stand.
“And so after you had poisoned the coffee and your husband sat at the breakfast table partaking of the fatal dosage, didn’t you feel any qualms? Didn’t you feel the slightest pity for him knowing that he was about to die and was wholly unconscious of it?”
“Yes,” she answered. “Come to think of it…there was just a moment when I sort of felt sorry for him.”
“And, when was that?”
“When he asked for the second cup.”
Q: Why are poisonous trees more dangerous than guard dogs?
A: Their bark is worse than their bite.
SAFETY TEACHER: “How do we prevent mushroom poisoning?”
CLASS JOKER: “Lock the medicine cabinet so mushrooms can’t get in.”
Once I ate in a restaurant that was so bad, I got food poisoning just from opening the menu.
BARTENDER: “Look, pal, drinking whiskey is slow poison.”
MAN: “That’s okay. I’m in no hurry.”
Q: How do little rattlesnakes call home?
racicot – adj. to have been poisoned with pen ink