Joke #24792

There were three blondes on an island and they didn’t know how to go home.  A genie came along and granted each of them a wish.

The first blonde said: “I want to be smart enough to get off the island.” So she swam back home.

The second blonde said: “I want to be smarter than the first blonde!” So she built a boat and went home.

Then, when the genie asked what the third blonde wanted, she said: “I want to be smarter than all of them!”

So she walked across the bridge!

 

The Triumphant Lion and the Arrogant Jy-Raffs

Once there was a rap group in the Sahara Desert called the Jy-Raffs.  It was a group of giraffes that loved to sing and rap.  They sang about eating leaves off trees and making sexual innuendos about those sexy giraffe bitches drinking from the watering holes.

One day an exuberantly manly lion named ReggIster Stupenstein published his first reggae/rap album.  He sang songs about legitimate love with his lioness pride without any baby killing beforehand.  He sang of lounging in the shade and eating yesterday’s zebra carcass with no hassle form the vulture community.

In essence, it was everything the Jy-Raffs were not and all the random lifeforms living in the Sahara Desert raved about the album.  This made the Jy-Raffs so jealous because deep down inside they were depressed that they were forced to sing about partying and smoking trees and looking at giraffe buttholes all day.  Most of them didn’t even like buttholes — they were mostly all about that tongue-action.

The Jy-Raffs decided to kill ReggIster Stupenstein because there was only enough room in the “politically correct reggae rap” niche for one successful artist.

Little did they know, this would be their demise.  As they were plotting their revenge in the cramped corridors of a secret underground cave, a genie’s lamp accidentally fell out of an encased tomb of sap that could only be unlocked by uttering the words “lion,” “reggae,” “kill,” “masturbate,” and “grind his liver between three calculus books” in the predicate of a 356-word-long run-on sentence with no correct punctuation.  They were rappers, after all…!

Anyhow, the genie, named Jardan Maura, didn’t come out of his lamp and grant the giraffes three wishes like you would expect.

Instead, the genie was a rebel genie who banished his victims to do irregular to insane monotonous tasks in a sweat shop in China that he owns.

The Jy-Raffs were fucked.  Instead of having to decide four different jobs for the giraffes to do, he combined them into one super giraffe — a four-headed, 16-legged monstrosity of a giraffe, doomed to forever lick closed 0% APR credit card applications sent to random people for the rest of their unnatural lives.

Moral of the story:  Appreciate the hard work that goes into mass-produced junk mail!

 

Joke #9174

A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I’ll give each of you just one.”

“Me first! Me first!” says the admin clerk.”I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone.

In astonishment, “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone.

“OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

MORAL OF THE STORY: always let your boss have the first say.

 

Joke #5323

Three blonde dudes were walking through the woods when they got to a river.

Looking for a way to cross it, one dude found a magic lamp then a genie came out of it and said he would grant each dude one wish.

The first dude said “I wanna get accross this river.”  So the genie granted him the power to swim and he swam to the other side.

Then the second dude said “I wanna get accross this river without getting my hair wet.” So the genie gave him a raft and he rode the raft to the other side.

Then the third dude said “I wanna get accross this river without getting my hair wet or touching the raft.” Then the genie was getting annoyed, so he turned him into a brunette woman then she simply walked across the bridge that was next to them the whole time.

 

Joke #5302

There were three woman stuck on an island, a blonde, redhead, and a brunette.

They find a magic lamp and get 1 wish each from the genie inside.

The redhead wishes to be back home with her family.

The brunette wishes to be richer and off the island (which is actualy two wishes, but the genie grants them anyway).

And the blonde says “Well, I’m kind of lonely. I wish my friends were back!”