mimara – n. a web site dedicated to distributing “sexy Korean women” wallpaper for your computer’s desktop or house’s walls
mimara – n. a web site dedicated to distributing “sexy Korean women” wallpaper for your computer’s desktop or house’s walls
ados – v. to pour your drink on a laptop being used in a rude fashion
pasne – v. to rudely listen to crap on your laptop without headphones in a public crowded place
Q: What were the two talkative computers doing?
A: They were having a disc-cussion.
I wrote this in 7th grade.
If I had only three days of sight left on the first I would want to start learning Braille (Braille would be in place of school), at least I would be 3 days closer to learning how to read Braille. After that I would play video games and computer games for an hour. Then I will look at my family and try to remember what their faces look like then I would go to bed.
On the second day I would get up at 5:00 AM and play video games and computer games until it was time for me to learn Braille for six hours then I would go outside and look at the trees, the sky, the cloud, the little dog running up to me like it was attacking me then I would go inside and play video games and computer games for two hours then I would look at my family’s faces then I would stay up all night and watch TV.
On the third day I will watch TV, play video games, and computer games until it was time to learn Braille then after that I would look at my house from the outside, then I would look at my family’s faces then go to bed and hope sometime during my life we will have the technology to have eye transplants.
delasel – n. something that decides to password-protect itself by no intention of anyone but itself
Ex. My hard drive decided to go delasel on me today and now I can’t access it. I didn’t even set a password!
raboom – n. the emotional and possibly physical impact an important hard drive makes on you when you realize it broke and there is uncertainty as to whether or not the information on it may or may not be recoverable
Ex. This raboom I have from my video hard drive is making me take anti-anxiety pills.
nosencon – adj. to not know anything about computers. In particular, something like how to click-and-drag the computer mouse.
Ex. Everyone I work with is nosencon. They need to get a fucking clue and learn how to use a fucking computer.
In trade chat, Sandychris is selling expensive mounts and other stuff, so I say to her…
davepoobond: 20k each
Sandychris: sorry only real money.:P
davepoobond: gold is real money
Sandychris: lol i mean$
davepoobond: yeah, $20k
davepoobond: thats what i wanna give you,,,,
Sandychris: sorry i dont wanna ur gold.:P
davepoobond: it is real gold
davepoobond: i just need a down payment to bring th gold into the country
Sandychris: i know, but we dont use it.:P
davepoobond: i need it to pay the customs fees
davepoobond: but i will pay you back with the gold, cause its actual bullion
Sandychris: lol thanks
davepoobond: but i need these mounts
davepoobond: i told you i would pay you real gold money
Sandychris: i told u i only need $.:P
davepoobond: are you a girl
Sandychris: Yeah why
davepoobond: what is your cup size
davepoobond: how big are your breasts
Sandychris: oh god
Sandychris: why do u know?
Sandychris: big enough
davepoobond: i want to know because i like boobs
davepoobond: what is so ew about that?
davepoobond: do you not like boobs?
Sandychris: are u married?
davepoobond: are you?
Sandychris: i am younger than u
davepoobond: how old are you?
Sandychris: why dont u get married?
Sandychris: i am younger 10 years old then u.:P
davepoobond: i am trying to find a good woman
davepoobond: when do you want to get married
Sandychris: maybe 25 or 26.:)
davepoobond: can i ask you a question
davepoobond: do you like butt sex
Sandychris: sure why?
davepoobond: i was just wondering
davepoobond: can i ask you another question
davepoobond: will you marry me
Sandychris: i cant
davepoobond: why not?
davepoobond: you like everything i like
Sandychris: but i am not live in USA
davepoobond: details, my love
Sandychris: i am living in China,lol
davepoobond: that is ok
davepoobond: so, since we are getting married, you will be able to come to usa
Sandychris: lol never
davepoobond: do you like china?
Sandychris: do u like USA?
Sandychris: then my answer is same with u
davepoobond: but i am a citizen of the world, i can live anywhere i want to
davepoobond: if you will not come to me, i will go to you
Sandychris: are u a rich person?
davepoobond: yes, i have gold in many countries
davepoobond: how long is your tongue?
davepoobond: what kind of activities do you like to do in your free time
davepoobond: do you know nancy?
davepoobond: i havent heard from her for a long time
Sandychris: who is Nancy?
davepoobond: she works in china doing the same thing you do
Sandychris: i dont know here
davepoobond: she got married
davepoobond: and then another person, named danny said she was dead
Sandychris: which site does she from?
Sandychris: do u know ?
Sandychris: u can contact with her by livechat on her site
davepoobond: i think from susanexpress
Sandychris: did u buy gold or mount before?
davepoobond: we were friends
Sandychris: i am not working for susanexpress.:P
davepoobond: i was so happy to hear she was getting married
Sandychris: lol nice
davepoobond: and then a week later someone said she was dead
Sandychris: lol so weird
davepoobond: i think it was because she was dealing drugs
davepoobond: but she was so nice. she had to sit on a box and type on her computer
Sandychris: why sit on a box?
davepoobond: they did not allow them to have chairs
Sandychris: lol horrilbe
Sandychris: i cant believe
Sandychris: chinese boss is good and cent do like this
davepoobond: what is your favorite movie
Sandychris: why should i tell u?
Sandychris: Forest Gump
Sandychris: do u know?
davepoobond: yes, i know that movie
davepoobond: it is a good movie
davepoobond: what is your favorite part
Sandychris: do u love it ?
Sandychris: every is good
davepoobond: why do you like it
Sandychris: not sure
One day there was a polar bear. He had issues. He had a sister who always overreacted about everything ever that ever happened. His mom wasn’t that much better. Unfortunately for this polar bear, he became nicknamed the Bipolar Bear due to his inherent illnesses contracted by the social oppression created by his familial situation.
When the Bipolar Bear was old enough to move out of his house, he moved to sunny California. He had to get a roommate because he didn’t have enough money for his own room, so he had to post a lot of advertisements on telephone poles and traffic signs. A couple of his signs actually caused some accidents because they flew away after the tape had eroded and flew into the open-windowed cars, causing paper cuts of a severe nature that killed almost instantly. It was a windy day.
It was the worst of times. It was the best of times. The Water Skiing Buffalo was doing so many chicks he couldn’t count them. He was soooo cool. That was until the economy fell and he couldn’t pay for his buffahoes anymore. His full-time job of being the only water skiing buffalo, hence his name, became commoditized with a sudden influx of foreign sea gulls learning how to drive boats, allowing for multitudes of different animals who have no business being on the water, on the water, resulting in a rapid loss of money. Broken, shamed, and nowhere else to go, the Water Skiing Buffalo headed to California because that’s where everyone goes when they want to feel like they’re better than they are. He thought if he could get on a couple of movie sets and show them what he’s got, they’d hire him to do some water skiing in front of a camera, since he was pretty good looking.
Anyway, to make a long, boring interlude short, the Water Skiing Buffalo and the Bipolar Bear somehow ended up living together. They became sorta good friends, but they don’t really hang out a lot. Only like three days out of the week do they even see each other, and they live together! That’s crazy! Right?!?! I don’t even KNOW what they’re doing!
So, one day, as the Water Skiing Buffalo and the Bipolar Bear hiked down Sunset Avenue, they met a lady with a booming voice who was talking about a lot of religious malarkey. She was shouting about how she repented and used to be a sinner and used to be the enemy of God. How this witch of a lady could go around and just yell random nonsense without anyone telling her to shut up because of her uncanny ability to make her voice travel through the dimensions of space, time, and jelly, was beyond them.
The Enemy of God, who really was a witch, had a sick obsession with jelly, and to a higher exponential form, preserves. She saw the water buffalo and the polar bear and conceived a diabolical plot to acquire all of their jelly! The two roommates just moved in like three months ago and they don’t usually eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches so they had like two jars of unopened jelly just waiting to have the life sucked out of them by The Enemy of God.
The Enemy of God called her rich friend President Hagen. He was in charge of a local college and was going to be ousted soon due to an impeachment process. He was being impeached because he ordered 600 computers and drove them to Alaska. He wasn’t even USING them for the school! He was going to build a large server house and sell Canadian money to Americans over the Internet, and make a 50% profit. Depending on when you read this story, it might make sense or it might not make sense. This story was written future-proof, just in case American money becomes more expensive than Canadian money again.
President Hagen picked up the phone and he was in the Jacuzzi. He was throwing darts at the staff members who reported him to his bosses. He kept like a bushel of these pictures in random places so that he can always do something lewd toward them, like wipe his arm pit sweat, waft his fart, or blow his burp at them. Once he bought a Thank You card, and wrote a derogatory word that did not actually describe said person after “Thank You” inside the card. Needless to say, he did not put a return address on there. This man was as rude as they came. How he greased the palms of everyone during his road to the presidency is an undocumented and probably illegal ordeal, on account of him being a grade A number 1 doodoo rag.
President Hagen, holed up in his Alaskan server complex had his 600 Computers working in tandem to serve his needs and his online business. He had one computer just to control his Jacuzzi, that’s how many computers he had. He got a call over the popular internet voice calling program TalkToMyFaceCauseTheHandsAin’tTypin or THAT for short from his friend, The Enemy of God. The Enemy of God yelled through her phone and conveyed to President Hagen her plans. Not that it mattered too much since he wasn’t even listening and was playing minesweeper on his computer.
After he hung up with The Enemy of God, President Hagen got out of the Jacuzzi and put a towel on. He walked into his quarter million dollar bathroom with heated AND cooling toilet seats (also managed by a computer) and began typing on a pull out computer while he was doing his doo-dy on the toilet. His secondary server complex located in Nevada, the aptly named Hagen Dessert Server Complex (the Alaskan one was named the Hagen Iced Latte Server Complex) was running a little hot, and he adjusted the air conditioner.
“No melting ice cream, today, Nevada…” The President said in between farts.
The President finished up, and wiped his ass with a picture of Juniper Rodriguez, a senior staff member at Hoodywoody College.
“You like the taste of that, Juniper?”
The President got up and put his towel back on. He then grabbed a picture of Daniel Torres, another senior staff member, lit it on fire and dropped it in the toilet.
“BURN, DANIEL, BURN!!”
An hour or two later, President Hagen was passed out on his couch and snoring very loudly. Oliver 6800, the boy robot slave President Hagen constructed from the innards of five computers, trembled in front of his master, as he wanted to ask him for more hard drive space.
“Please, sir, may I have some more?” Oliver 6800 chirped.
President Hagen awoke and yelled, “MOOOOOORREEEEEEEEE??????”
President Hagen then beat Oliver 6800… at Hearts.
The next day…
“Have you seen my mommy??” Oliver 6800 asked President Hagen.
“Mommy????????????????????????” President Hagen threw his hands into the air.
President Hagen then beat Oliver 6800… at Monopoly. It was a five hour ordeal and pretty gruesome.
Then child services came and acquired Oliver 6800 from President Hagen because he was abusing his robotic child.
Back to the Enemy of God, she was arrested later that evening for knowingly aiding a child abuser, even though the child abuser himself would not be charged and would be allowed to continue in his weird abuse of technology for some time to come. She was also arrested for stealing a pallet of jelly from a grocery store that kept tens of thousands of dollars of jelly in their store room.
As for the oddly paired Bipolar Bear and Water Skiing Buffalo, they lived together for 7 years, decided it was in their best interests to apply for Common Law Marriage for the tax breaks and then cheated the system out of food stamps for years to come. Those stamps sure did taste good, the glue was flavored!
Moral: Don’t take more than you need.
::davepoobond is sitting at a desk at work, using the computer::
::Armando picks up the phone::
Armando: Dave, Megutron wants to talk to you.
davepoobond: To me? About what?
Armando: I’ll transfer her to that phone.
::davepoobond picks up the phone::
::Megutron explains that the camera she is using is not recording audio. davepoobond tells her he doesn’t know what it could be, since he never used the school’s cameras, and suggests it could be the heads not recording sound::
::Later… about 1.5 hours later::
::davepoobond goes out to where Megutron is filing and tells her to go to the menu settings and eventually he fixes the audio problem in like 2 minutes. It wasn’t set to Audio In::
Megutron: Agggh! Fuck! Oh my God!
– at davepoobond’s job, 6/26/07
::davepoobond is filling up balloons::
::Vance is doing nothing, just walking around bitching about stuff but not actually helping with anything::
davepoobond: Vance, could you help me out and just hold this balloon You don’t have to tie it or anything.
Vance: Nope! Nope! I don’t hold balloons! I just do computer stuff.
davepoobond (thinking to himself): Lazy bastard.
– at davepoobond’s job, 6/13/07